In-laws don’t really bother with grandchild, should I bother to make an effort?

[Blackpen]

They don’t really bother to do anything. I think they’ve been over 2 times in the past 1.5 years and only live 10 mins away. They are well and healthy and there is no physical reason why they don’t come. They don’t offer any support or help even when we ask. We will get a let’s see what we have planed then will 99 percent of the time say no. In fact they booked a holiday over my c-section due date. They are decent enough when we go over but I don’t enjoy going as it’s clear they aren’t that interested.

When we visit our bubba just cries and clings as they spend so little time they don’t recognise them. I’m personally starting to feel like they don’t particularly care. Should I ever bother trying to keep them in the loop? They are just odd to me.

@pikkumyy77 yes she sees my own mum daily it feels. She is a part of our life and she screams nana with excitement. I’ve tried so hard to make the contact 50/50 but I’m fed up of being the one making all the effort. I think there’s only so many times you can talk about the weather! It’s not the stance I’ll take if I ever get any grandchildren one day. I know how it feels to be desperate for support and not get any. I feel a little sorry for the MIL as she seems so flat.

Why do posters keep saying “there is no rule” that grandparents should care about the children of their children? Of course there is

Dont be ridiculous! Of course there’s no rule that GP’s must be involved in their DGCS lives

If a GP has no interest in their DGC who do you think is going to force them to become interested?

@Milli0ns same like fathers, a lot of them have no interest and nothing you can do. It’s just against human nature is what the poster meant about rules.

That sounds like mine. I only found this out when I briefly left her with DD and came back to her screaming her head off. MIL had shut the door and put the tv up. She then told me off for going to her and told me I was being manipulated (DD was 4 months old).
She went on and on about how you could go to holiday camps and leave your babies in the rooms and you might get called if they cried. She kept asking why I couldn’t go on holiday somewhere like that.
Some people are strange.

And does MiL actually care?

Normally basic biology kicks in and you are interested in your offspring's offspring.

They're your DNA

Then they must have shown some interest when they did see you.

afaik it is known to be the case that (Ceteris paribus) maternal grandparents are more likely than paternal grandparents to take an interest in and be supportive of grandchildren.

Not really . Children were seen and not heard in adult company. Saw my nana twice a year as she lived abroad. Other Nan once a week but we had to sit while the grown ups talked .

I'm 18 years further down a very similar line to you.
My now ex mil sees the grandchildren a couple of times a year at best. All of my dc don't interact with her and will actively avoid her.
They have seen how she's treated me over the years and my son in particular will not tolerate her shit.
I'm glad to be well rid of her and I'll never have to see her again
Ex fil has probably not seen them for 4 years (covid obviously but no pull to get to know them)

I wish that my children had better relationships with them but as they are not nice people it's not a huge loss overall.