If your partner is lovely but thick as mince, how’s it going?

[Shan5474]

The list of attributes I look for in a partner includes things like being warm, kind, caring etc. Intelligence has never actually really featured very high on the list. I’d choose someone lovely but dim over someone OK but clever every time. Obviously the whole package is preferable but no one’s truly perfect.

If you love someone who’s great but silly, naive or downright daft, how’s it going? Do you get frustrated or is it easy to overlook because they’re such a great person?

My first H was drop dead gorgeous and brain dead.
What can I say? I was young.
I will never forget that sinking feeling of dread when we turned to each other after the wedding, and I realised that this was it.
(Later, he also turned out to be a violent misogynist, on top.)

Lol. Mine is rather too smart- which hasn't always worked out so well-so I am interested in hearing the other side. Intelligence has always figured very high for me.

Nothing to love about stupid

My first dh was like this. It got on my nerves in the end and he was also extremely laid back so wasn’t really interested in bettering our lives. Left him after a couple of years.

I got one, been married nearly 40 years, I am the Boss😂

Surely it's all relative?

I've usually found that someone on a similar intelligence level is preferable.

If they are much smarter than me, I feel bad about myself and if I'm much smarter than them I get bored.

How dim you mean?
I couldn't date someone "thick as mince".

I've never been attracted to people who are stupid - give me someone really bright any day of the week. I don't care if they're drop dead gorgeous to look at, if they're stupid it's a massive turn-off.

Was just thinking about this myself. This sounds dreadful but I would say that only 2 of my previous partners were roughly my intellectual equal.

I have a disparate group of friends but what they have in common is that they are intelligent but don't take themselves too seriously. This is what I would seek in a partner.

I recall the frustration of not feeling able to talk to other half about books, current affairs etc.

That was a bit of a strong phrase 😂.
The person I’m thinking of in particular passed their A levels and wasn’t completely stupid, but it was things like they believed facts that were clearly completely impossible, fell for common scams in their 30s etc. So I guess more “naive as mince” 😂

I would not find this attractive. Naivety is a turn off for me.

I couldn't be with someone who isn't intelligent. My ex thought he was but, OH dear! My DH is clever enough. I am being very conceited here, but I think two people need to be on a similar level to have a successful relationship, that includes friendships as well.

@Shan5474 oh I see

Not for me.

But what if they were the absolute nicest person you’ve ever met, treated you amazingly (and they were physically attractive) but not very bright? Would you ditch them for someone who was clever and also hot but just treated you OK and was an alright level of niceness?

I expect to be treated well, but I don't find not very bright people attractive.

Ive never pursued a relationship with anyone 'thick' but used to date someone very knowledgeable and intelligent but in very different areas and ways to me (I don't mean street/emotionally smart vs intellectual). It often felt like we were very mismatched as there wasn't a lot of crossover in general knowledge/ work/ culture/ interests ways of thinking.

Fabulous man and we are still friends but we would often draw blanks or just find it hard to get each other's point of view despite both being widely educated and interested in the world.

To be honest it was hard to see a future. I imagine it would be similarly frustrating if someone just didn't know much/ didn't figure things out at the same rate as you.

I suppose if you just want a kind presence that's one thing but if you want discussion and common ground it would be a big gap. My DP is my equal (maybe I'm flattering myself a bit tbf!) and it's incredibly sexy and comforting to feel heard and understood especially now as I'm going through a tough time health wise.

I'd prefer to be alone than with either of those people.

I just can’t do “thick as mince” guys or men who are too “dizzy” even if they’re super nice 😭I actually wish I could but I can’t!

They don’t need to have a long list of degrees or work in a field deemed professional or clever etc but they do need to be intelligent in their own right .

I was speaking to one guy for a few months and his conversation was all the gym, his next holiday and repeat . He didn’t read books or even watch many movies. His chat was so repetitive and lacking in-depth emotionally and intellectually. He wasn’t the type I could talk politics, war, climate change or any current affairs with.

He once got on a bus from Luton airport and ended up in Milton Keynes when he was meant to be going to his own house which was in Luton. I didn’t understand how he didn’t realise a bit sooner than he was in MK? He blamed the bus driver, but I felt it was further proof how he just wasn’t switched on. There were other incidents too. I felt if I ended up with a guy like that I’d need to be one dealing with everything and I’d grow to resent him.

Brains over looks for me!

The next guy I dated was so switched on and had very different even conflicting views from me but I loved his intelligence.

No, because by putting it this way it's like you assume you are exchanging one man for the next, when the question is not: would you rather be with someone else? but: Would you rather not be with this person at all?

It's not about finding someone else who may or may not have better qualities. It's about choosing whether this is the person who will make you happy. And no one can decide that, but you.

Intelligence is a priority trait I look for so would never be with someone not intelligent. I'd feel like I was with a child.

I dated someone briefly in my early 20’s who was gorgeous. Absolutely stunning model looks and amazing in bed - but he was as thick as two short planks. Literally stupid.

Have to say the novelty of just staring at him wore off very quickly when he literally couldn’t read a restaurant menu without moving his lips.

Im too old to tolerate stupid now. If they can’t hold a decent level of conversation im not interested.

DP is intelligent but uneducated. Didn't pay attention in school and has no real qualifications, but he is definitely intelligent.

My younger self would probably not have considered him boyfriend material but, being older when we met, I realised that being a good man is the most important thing.

I have enough to do rearing DC; I don't have the time to babysit other people and stop them fallin victims to scammers, doing stupid things and what not.

I am suspicious of super nice people anyway. In my experience, it doesn't last and they turn out just the same as anyone else.

I had an ex who was gorgeous and a nice person but very low intelligence. In the end it was just boring. I'm not super intellectual but I need stimulating conversation. Without that, there's not much more to the relationship.

My husband left school at 12 or 13, and just doesn't know a lot of the things I do. It can be irritating, but on the other hand, has skills that completely baffle me, like how to navigate at sea, how to build and repair things, or livestock husbandry.

He might not know any Latin, but I'm fairly certain that he is the more useful of the two of us!