What is consent in marriage

[Chatnel36]

What would you consider inappropriate consent in marriage when it comes to touch? My DH is constantly grabbing my chest and if I dare say anything he will sulk for days and bang on how it's my fault as I am not affectionate enough. I have to wear a bra to bed or that is open invitation for non stop groping. I am just so over it, is this what you just put up with when you are marriage!

No! You don't put up with it at any time!

Your body is yours and nobody should be touching it without consent. Marriage isn't ownership.

Have you told him how this is making you feel?

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this.
Consent in marriage is the same as consent anywhere else.
He doesn't own your body just because he married you.
He doesn't have a right to touch you when you don't want him to.

No more acceptable within marriage than it is outside marriage, or even off a stranger. Youe body, your rules.

You may like to think then talk to your DH about what touch you like and when. And ask what touch he likes and when. Work out between you so that one person's affectionate cuddle isn't the other's grope. Communication in a non aggressive way is a really useful skill in a relationship.

Agree with this. However if you want your marriage to work out you do need to talk about what's going on and how both you me needs can be met. If this not wanting physical touch is sudden or recent your DH is probably feeling confused and rejected

Absolutely not and him sulking for days and making this your fault is abusive and him coercively controlling your behaviour.

Guessing this isn’t the only way he try’s to control you.

Keep a hat pin on your bedside table.

Yes absolutely this.

Marriage doesn't change anything.

Grab his bits when he's watching sport or doing something he needs concentration for and see how pissed off he gets.

The way to demonstrate consent and hold a boundary is not to retaliate like that. Plus if he's being an arsehole already this could either encourage him or enrage him.

Terrible idea!

Fair enough

It is different for everyone. Some people might like their boobs being touched all the time, which is fine. You don't, so he shouldn't do it. He's ignoring your wishes and he's sexually harassing you as a result. Quite grim actually.

It's disgusting behaviour. He sounds like a horn teen (even teens wouldn't behave like that).
He is a sex pest.
Tell him that, better still show him the responses here.
Groping/unwanted sexual touching is sexual harassment. Being married doesn't give license to do this.
Is he very young/did you marry young OP?

This is completely unacceptable behaviour on your husband's part.

The sulking and blaming you is emotional manipulation and sexual coercion. He's trying to condition you to just put up with it to avoid his moods.

It's actually heartbreaking to read you feel you need to wear a bra to bed as some sort of protection. Everyone, whether they've just met or been married 20+ years, has a right to feel able to just say no.

Are there any other examples of emotional blackmail or controlling behaviours in your marriage?

Married or not that's completely unacceptable

I like my boobs being touched, but in the right environment. But l l don’t like being groped. Somehow you need to explain the difference between a caress and a grope. The gulf is huge.

And having to wear a bra to bed is just not on!

How were things before you got married?

No No No No No
Your body is not an object that serves someone elses pleasure.
Nobody, not even your husband, can grab you when you don't like it.

The fact that he has such a lack of respect for your boundaries, may also explain why you are - in his words - not affectionate. Who would be?
Absolutely not okay and you shouldn't put up with it.

Consent in marriage doesn't differ wildly from consent outside of marriage. My Husband or partner or random stranger has no right to touch my body in any way that I don't willingly agree to (the only exception is if you are being detained by the police and even then there are rules about what sort of touch is allowed).

In a relationship a certain amount of consent is assumed - e.g. my partner kisses me when he gets in from work. He doesn't ask if it is ok first BUT he is well aware that sweaty people give me the heaves so never tries to kiss me if his sweaty. If I turned away or said no thanks he'd immediately stop and would ask for consent again before kissing me next time.

It's normal, in my experience, to have these discussions in early relationships. I don't mind him squeezing my bum but would object to being groped in public and he knows that so only initiates contact he is confident I'd like.

Your OH knows you hate this. He does it as a territorial thing, like a dog peeing on a lampost. It is disgusting and it is assault and I would absoltuely dump his arse for this shit.

Grab and squeeze his balls non stop for a full day and when he complains, use his exact words back.

It's no different than him groping you when you've asked him not to.

You could say anything men do is sexual coercion. Cleaning, washing up, giving compliments putting the kids to bed etc etc

Again, bad advice.

He's a disgusting sex pest moron who thinks your body is his property.

He clearly doesn't realise that you are an actual PERSON with feelings and bodily autonomy.

I'm not one to condone violence but I'd be seriously having to stop myself twisting his nuts and then sulking if he complains.

@Wmale WTF??

Surely the things you've described are just daily chores that a homeowner and father does?

I'm talking about making a extra effort, didn't someone say once the best way to get someone in the mood is doing the dishes?

@Wmale again, the things you describe aren't making an "extra effort", it's just daily life as someone who lives in a home, with a partner and has children.

Washing the dishes that you and your child ate off of, doesn't mean you can grab body parts of your partner at all times of night, to the extent where they feel they can't go bra-less to bed, it simply means you've washed up after yourself.

Whilst any individual is likely to have more time and energy for their partner if the household chores are shared evenly between them (& thus potentially have more sex with them - I think that's what you're alluding to) that bears no relevance to a man who is continually sexually assaulting his wife.

You don't get to push the hoover round and think "right, her body is now mine to do with as I please."