What is consent in marriage

[Chatnel36]

What would you consider inappropriate consent in marriage when it comes to touch? My DH is constantly grabbing my chest and if I dare say anything he will sulk for days and bang on how it's my fault as I am not affectionate enough. I have to wear a bra to bed or that is open invitation for non stop groping. I am just so over it, is this what you just put up with when you are marriage!

You think it's extra effort when a man does basic tasks that need doing in the home he lives in or for the children he fathered?
Why?
Because cleaning, cooking and child rearing are the woman's job so he's doing her a favour and needs thanking with sex?

No, you couldn't.

Sexual coercion is using pressure or force to have sex with someone who doesn't want to. Sulking is sexual coercion as it makes a person feel they have to have sex just to avoid putting up with bad moods. It makes someone feel they're doing something wrong by saying "no" which puts pressure on them.

If a man does things that makes his partner want to have sex with him, that's absolutely not the same as sexual coercion because she actually wants to.

It's really quite simple.

I agree, I ment in general not in this particular case. In my case I don't think women understand what it's like for men to be constantly rejected for sex. If women in relationships don't want to be asked for sex and have there partner "try it on" what are men supposed to do just accept a sexless relationship or hope that things will change?

In my case when we first met I was very happy which is why we got engaged, and then once we had children she just doesn't want sex anymore. So I should just accept I've had my happy years and spend the rest of the time unhappy and feeling rejected. I've spent more time unhappy in this relationship than happy. I'm not expecting things how they were but it hard to go to nothing with no initation from her for any sort of intimacy eg hugs or kisses

You're being sexually assaulted all day, every day and apparently during the night too.
Leave him - I am not saying this lightly.

No @Wmale. You discuss it with your voice not your hands. You decide as a couple to continue as you are, change or split.

She still talks about getting married so she's happy how things are, how am I supposed to talk to her about lack of intimacy without putting pressure on her?

Why would anyone put up with a sex pest who then emotionally abuses you with his passive aggressive, childish sulking so that you give in to his emotional blackmail and let him do what he wants.

It sounds like you've discussed this over and over and his has absolutely no respect for you or your feelings. It's grim OP, you are not his sex doll.

We have 2 kids under 4 the youngest boy is 19 months at the minute I'm just been patient and hope things change by the time the youngest is 2. But I'm not going to further the relationship unless things do change I can't do this forever .

@Chatnel36

Just cause you are married to him doesn't mean he gets to treat you like you are a sex robot that he has purchased from the Internet ect,

Consent in a marriage just like consent starts with what you are comfortable with emotionally in regards of what's feel Ok good or acceptable,
Compared to what feels totally unacceptable weird not nice feeling violated feeling touched out,
feeling used or abused,

Let your feelings guide you and know and robust boundaries in place so you know when your husband or anyone trangresses that boundary line,

What your husband is doing is sexually harassing you..

Have you tried googling because when I Google there's lots of advice on this. Have you approached a relationship counsellor for advice?

Consent is consent whatever the circumstances.

The intimacy issue and this are almost two separate things...
OP - I would be tempted to sit him down and say:
'Why do you keep touching me, when I don't want you to. How could you possibly enjoy touching someone who you know doesn't want you to touch them in that moment? Do you not care that I'm not enjoying it?'
He will say 'lack of intimacy' etc in which case you go okay, so let's talk about that seperately and make a plan with actual steps.
But he needs to understand that its sick, to touch someone who you know doesn't want to be touched, that if he's getting pleasure out of touching you like that when he knows you don't want to, there is something seriously fucking wrong with him.

Only if he believes those things are currency which buy sex.

No I haven't, when were together I spend all my time agreeing with her, doing things she wants to do and watch just in the hope that we might have sex that night. Hours of watching tv series and films just hoping they will finish so we can go to bed. It's no way to live. She just says she doesn't feel like it anymore. All I want from her is a bit of effort and it's stupid to think we would lose everything because she won't. If things changed it would take me a while to be convinced that this is the new norm to even get ready. I don't trust her to put the effort in to make me happy it feel like she doesn't care.

It's not buying sex it's to not fallout about chores and keep her in a good mood so we might have sex. I'm constantly walking on eggshells just in the hope. You can imaging how that feels after weeks and weeks.

Okay, so that approach has not worked for you, so it's time to try something else, like a relationship counsellor to help you navigate your way through the conversation

No, these things are just contributing to the running of their household and the care of their own children.

90% of my choices when we are together are related too keeping her happy so we might have sex. This is the insecure man I've turned into due to lack of intimacy and my need to be intimate with my partner.

Can you imagine every choice you made was made so you could keep your partner happy even though they won't give you what you want.

Imaging every day you are the perfect partner to your OH, then when you wanted to be intimate with them they say I just don't want to anymore. What would you do?

We have 2 kids under 4 the youngest boy is 19 months at the minute I'm just been patient and hope things change by the time the youngest is 2.

You've been patient and you have two kids under 4 .. .wise up.

Babies and young kids do that to a relationship. You chose to have them too. There are peaks and troughs in a long-term relationship, esp with children.

Your timescale is ridiculous. Stop being so unrealistic, selfish and sex obsessed.
Only a dickhead thinks about leaving his wife and mother of his children cause he's not been getting enough sex by the time they're 4 and 2!!

I’d probably suggest relationship counselling.
Cleaning, washing up and putting the kids to bed are just normal things that you should be doing in order to contribute to the running of your household. Entirely seperate to the issue of sex.
Are you saying that when you had regular sex you didn’t bother doing those things, because you didn’t need to?

Op your h is a entitled, sex pest.

His sulkiness etc is a form or coercion.

That's not going to change.

They're either like that or they're not.

@wmale - go start your own thread and stop derailing OPs thread.

OP, this is NOT okay. DH occasionally gropes me in a way or time I don't like but he immediately realises I'm not open to it and stops. He would never ever in a million years sulk and complain about it. Your H appears is on the border of sexual assault I'd say.

I don’t envy you OP - I’ve had a couple of men like this in my early 20s, they’re now married from what I hear and I’m sure treat their wives like this. I’ve had to fight off hands up my top, hands going down my pants etc because some men decided they were entitled to do what they want and cared not one iota for how I felt. I wouldn’t stand for that now.

You need to ask yourself and your husband if you think that mentality is OK.

@Wmale i agree with pp, sounds like it’s time to look into relationship counselling and have an open conversation about all of this with your wife .

It would probably be better if you made the choice to do housework and put kids to bed because that’s part of being an adult and a father, rather than making that choice in the hope that it leads to sex.