In touch with old flame. Should I chase him?

[Heidi3333]

Hi ladies looking for some advice.
13 years ago I dated a guy for a few months while working in Australia. We both came back home around the same time but moved to opposite ends of the country. We still stayed in touch and he often sent messaged saying he missed me, wanted to see me again etc. After a year of this we both moved closer to each other and met up one weekend. However, when I messaged him afterwards he was quite cold and I never heard from him again. I deleted and blocked him on FB and was heart broken as I felt he’d led me on for ages. He later sent me a few jokey emails and one with his new email address but I ignored them.

Fast forward 12 years and last week I sent him a friend request on fb which he accepted after 1/2 hour and he messaged 5 mins later. He now lives in Portugal but comes back home quite a lot. I don’t know if he is single but I get the impression he is. We had a nice catch up but never made any arrangements to meet up.

Now I can’t stop thinking about him. I was thinking of dropping him a message saying to give me a shout if he finds himself in my town. Or should I just leave it and wait for him to message me again? He doesn’t know I’m single and to complicate things I’ve a recent FB post of me sitting next to a male friend drinking cocktails so it looks v v much like a date!

I would be grateful for Any advice x

[MineAgain]

we both moved closer to each other and met up one weekend. However, when I messaged him afterwards he was quite cold and I never heard from him again.

After this, why would you want anything to do with him? He had chances, he wasn’t that into you and acted like a dick. Forget about him.

[canyouletthedogoutplease]

Don't double message him. You've just tracked him down on Facebook after thirteen years, and he now knows how to find you if he wants to.

Slow your roll. If you message him again telling him to ask you out effectively, you will come over as desperate and open yourself up to the same treatment you had off him last time, and did not like.

Leave it be until you hear from him again, and then, tread carefully.

[TwilightSkies]

Why would you chase him? For what?

[Catoo]

With kindness OP, you met up after a year apart and he decided you weren’t the one, went cold without explaining (clearly he was in a relationship and met you out of curiosity), ghosted you for a bit, then sent a few joke emails. Nothing in them about missing you or having made a mistake or wanting to meet you?

Now you have chased him 12 years down the line. He lives hundreds of miles away and made no suggestions about meeting up.

Definitely no more ‘dropping him lines’. He’s an adult and can suggest meeting when he is next over if he wants to.

Also, men are good at not mentioning girlfriends, wives and children when it suits them.

I’d leave this one where it is. Sensible you (who ignored him 12 years ago after he went cold) should come back into the room.

Wait for someone who you don’t have to chase and who knows he wants to be with you
💐

[UnwishTheWish]

Yes, if you want to come across as desperate and potentially set yourself up to be used and him go cold again.

Where's your self esteem and dignity?

Sorry if it sounds harsh but I hate seeing women do this and be treated badly. Work on your self esteem because you need to realise that you deserve better than chasing someone who hasn’t been good to you.

[samestyle]

Waste of time, why would it work now, when he's already had the chance 12 years ago, forget it

[Coconutter24]

If you have to ask if you should chase him the answer will always be no. Someone who wants you won’t make you chase them

[5128gap]

I think you should leave it because I think you're already overly invested in something that has only a tiny chance of the outcome you want. He doesn't sound like he's beating a path to your door, he lives in another country, and neither of you have been sufficiently interested to bother for years. Given all that, the only way it would be worth chasing is if you wouldn't be upset by a knock back. I think you're likely to get one, i think it will hurt, and so personally I'd not take the risk.

[Idontjetwashthefucker]

Good Lord, get some self respect, he's obviously not interested

[PinkLemonade555]

Didn’t even need to read the post.

whenever someone asks ‘should I chase him’ the answer is always no.

[RandomForest]

I'd rather be kicked in the face with an iron boot.

But you do you.

[TheSnowyOwl]

It depends what you want. The possibility of sex and then being ignored again? If so, chase away.

[Heidi3333]

Thanks for all the replies.

During the weekend we last saw each other (12 years ago) he told me he wasn't ready to settle down and had stuff he wanted to experience first. I was 35 then so WAS ready to settle down. That probably explains why he didn't ask to see me again.

To make matters worse he's the last guy I slept with - I'm not into casual sex and haven't really had a meaningful relationship since. Reconnecting with him has brought back all my feelings for him 😩.

I won't ask him to meet up and I'll leave it to him to message me again but it's hard!

[RandomForest]

Blimely sounds like The remains of the Day.

[Heidi3333]

@RandomForest

Blimely sounds like The remains of the Day.

What is that?

[RandomForest]

A film of utmost longing.

[AhAgain]

Don’t chase anyone, really don’t xx

[SeatonCarew]

Don't bother, it's a waste of your time and energy.

[minniefresh]

So you haven't had any other romantic interaction since last seeing him 12 years ago, you're now 47, how old is he?

I'm really sorry but I think you may be building this up as more than it is.

Have you tried dating anyone else since?

[Heidi3333]

@minniefresh

So you haven't had any other romantic interaction since last seeing him 12 years ago, you're now 47, how old is he?

I'm really sorry but I think you may be building this up as more than it is.

Have you tried dating anyone else since?

I have dated other people, I had a relationship for 5 months but we didn't sleep together. I also dated another guy I was really keen on for a bit but it went nowhere.

[donteatthedaisies0]

I have a motto that once something is in the past , it stays there ..

[BioHive]

its worth connecting as friends and then go from there, thats how id play it if an ex made contact

[SkaneTos]

I agree with @canyouletthedogoutplease .

Your old flame knows where to find you. He can contact you.

[Copperoliverbear]

Exactly what @TwilightSkies said and exs are exs for a reason

[Opentooffers]

You didn't have sex in a 5 month relationship! Whyever not? - and how did you last 5 months?
Ironic really that you wanted to "settle down" but haven't in the last 12 years, whereas he might have, only in Portugal.