In touch with old flame. Should I chase him?

[Heidi3333]

Hi ladies looking for some advice.
13 years ago I dated a guy for a few months while working in Australia. We both came back home around the same time but moved to opposite ends of the country. We still stayed in touch and he often sent messaged saying he missed me, wanted to see me again etc. After a year of this we both moved closer to each other and met up one weekend. However, when I messaged him afterwards he was quite cold and I never heard from him again. I deleted and blocked him on FB and was heart broken as I felt he’d led me on for ages. He later sent me a few jokey emails and one with his new email address but I ignored them.

Fast forward 12 years and last week I sent him a friend request on fb which he accepted after 1/2 hour and he messaged 5 mins later. He now lives in Portugal but comes back home quite a lot. I don’t know if he is single but I get the impression he is. We had a nice catch up but never made any arrangements to meet up.

Now I can’t stop thinking about him. I was thinking of dropping him a message saying to give me a shout if he finds himself in my town. Or should I just leave it and wait for him to message me again? He doesn’t know I’m single and to complicate things I’ve a recent FB post of me sitting next to a male friend drinking cocktails so it looks v v much like a date!

I would be grateful for Any advice x

He's either got a GF or he's single and just not interested. Neither are good.
Thanks for all the replies x

Presume he's really happily married to the love of his life, with a couple of beautiful kids and a dog, for your own sake, and move on.

Tbh he's not the right guy for me. I have 2 young children (8 and 1) and he told me he thinks he's too old for kids so it's unlikely he'd take me on with 2 youngsters.

I don’t know what your reasons are but being single since him has obviously linked something for you. Have you tried dating apps/hobbies to meet someone. I wouldn’t pin your hopes on this guy. He is in another country for a start. I’m wondering if it’s more about wanting to be with someone not necessarily him.

It's unlikely he'd take you on because HE'S NOT INTERESTED!

Honestly OP you need to forget him. It’s clear from your posts that you have always been more keen on him than he has been on you. I know it’s hard and I know what it’s like to have briefly dated someone out of your league. They are very hard to forget! But, face facts: he’s only 41, he’s going to meet someone in her early thirties and settle down and start a family with her. You meanwhile are pre-menopausal and your sex-starved body is shouting at you for some action. You’ve focused on him because he’s the last man you had sex with and, as they say, “you never get over a man until you’re under another one.”

I think you need to block/delete his contact details, maybe get some therapy, but more importantly join clubs/activities where you can meet nice men who aren’t “cold” and who do actually want to have sex with you.

Don’t date anyone you don’t fancy, it’s so depressing.

Thanks. And you are right, since leaving OZ it has been clear that im more keen on him than he is with me. It's just a recipe for heartbreak.

I won't be contacting him again.