How can my new partner move in

[Khrysteen]

Long story il try to keep it short.
Single parent to 2 boys age 5 and 18.work part time own my own home outright no mortgage payments.
Want to move my partner in within next year. Problems
1.i lose any benefits I currently get which adds up to almost £800 a month.
2.partner currently rents a property at £600 a month. Says he can't afford to pay me the £800 I will lose in benefits.
He will also have to travel further to work every work costing about an extra £200 a month fuel. He said he can't justify giving up his security, ie his rented property, to be worse of both financially and security wise.

I do understand what he is saying. I just don't see anyway we can make it work. Although we both want to.
Any advice or anyone in same situation.
If we can't find a way to live together we break up as the distance between us is too big to keep travelling to see each other

This. If your youngest is 5 surely he's in school and you can work more than, what, 4 hours a day?! Wraparound care would be more than affordable, particularly as your eldest is contributing.

Honestly the system is fucked, it's appalling you can choose a lifestyle supported by the state when you are able to work full time and support your family, with or without a boyfriend.

You've got some balls on you to complain you're "missing out" on money given to you for free.

Maybe get a job. Why is anyone getting 800 quid when they own a house outright. Madness.

PIP (or DLA) isn’t means tested anyway so she wouldn’t lose that from her partner moving in

Because people in otherwise the same position but renting will be receiving same as a homeowner except with housing element paid on top as well. The way universal credits works is the harder you try to improve your life with savings and buying a home, the more the benefits system penalises you for it. Better to stay living hand to mouth and spend as quick as you get it.

Anyway, I agree with you. But the unfortunate fact is that the current benefits system is propping up the whole of society - inflating rents and house prices and average disposable income, fueling inflation. But you can't just withdraw it as it'll be pulling the rug out from under people now that the cost of living has meant they're dependent on it. Also, that would be political suicide.

But does the OP?
I don't know if PIP/DLA is the same across the UK, but what I was meaning to say is that £800 is a lot for someone in the OP's situation. If she gets some other disability related benefits I can understand it, but not otherwise, maybe there are others that are not PIP/DLA in NI? But explains the high amount?
Hence why, I think this is a bashing thread plain and simple.

It would explain why op's tax credit award is so high though as the award would include disability premium.

Sorry I don't know what SEN is and no me nor my children claim any disability benefits.
Thankfully I'm someone who actually loves my job, I worked 30 hrs up until covid meant my company had to offer out reduced hours so if this was to increase again I'd be happy to work more hours again.
My sons primary does have wraparound care actually I'd just have to use childcare in the 8weeks summer holiday then.

No I don't get child maintenance from my children's 'dad'. Have gone through cms but hes self employed and claims he doesn't work at all. Cms have taken him to court numerous times but to no avail.

Thank you all for your replies, me and my partner have gone through them all and it has given us a lot more to talk and think about

This could of been foreseen from the start tbf. Exactly why it's a bad idea when you have children and ties, to start dating someone who lives beyond an easily commutable distance, it should be a non-starter, but people try regardless, then come unstuck.
You are also in different life circumstances. How is it he rents? Is he younger than yourself, or does he have a prior family that he has had to support meaning that he has forfeited equity?
If he has no savings and no property, what is the reason? If he's poor with money beware.
Fairness would be to split the living costs 3 ways, with the higher chunk coming from yourself. You say you own your home outright, so implies you are mortgage free. I suspect you are assuming that childcare costs would wipe out any full time hour benefits, but how deeply have you looked into this? You'd only need wrap- around care as your 1 DC is at school. If you currently get £800/ month in benefits, work 20 hours, and perhaps receive cm on top, and don't have a mortgage to pay, that sounds like plenty to live off, you could easily drop a few hundred per month out of that and still have a decent lifestyle.

He currently pays £600 for rent PLUS bills. Does he think he’ll stop using energy and broadband when he moves into yours?

No but him paying half the bills at OP's will be nowhere near £800 and he shouldn't pay half anyway when she has two DC. She just wants that figure to make up for the benefits she'll lose, which as many have said, are a heck of a lot for someone who owns their home outright, has one kid at school and the other is an adult contributing to the household funds.

I think DP should pay some rent but not £800 and I agree that OP should think about working more. Wraparound care and summer clubs don't cost all that much. Feels like an excuse to keep getting the £800 whatever happens, but kids get older, DPs move in, you can't hang onto that cash come what may. It was there to help when you really needed it. Now you have options.

@samqueens

Personally I would never risk a such a secure financial position but especially not with a five year old in the mix.

Such a secure financial position?

OP is about to be pushed onto UC

@charliefair OP owns her own home - no mortgage

She's got no mortgage, an 18yo who's earning, a part time job by choice and the capacity to work much more, plus a DP who can contribute hundreds if not the full £800 she's wanting. I don't think being 'pushed' onto UC is quite the cliff top horror you're painting it out to be there.

Surely the £800 is for being a single mum... and if her partner moves in she will not be a single mum anymore? So why should OP expect to continue receiving the same benefits?

I live in a different country so the system is different, but benefits are there to help the person until she is in a better position... It sounds like OP is in a pretty good position, with a loving partner willing to move in and chip in, an adult son who brings in money and a fully paid house... The benefit has accomplished its purpose, so shouldn't those benefits be better spent on someone else now?

Sorry if I am missing something here, but benefits are not an indefinite entitlement.

I’ve seen many threads where women have done this - man moves in and pays what he thinks he can/should and they are left struggling, having been comfortable before.

The question is always - why did you give up your children’s security for this?

Whatever we think about UC, it exists and works for the OP now. Putting your child into wraparound care (at a cost) and working more hours to facilitate a relationship within which the man ‘has no responsibility towards your child’ - naw. Going back to work full-time should be something you choose for the benefit of yourself and your family.

@pinkdelight

I wasn't suggesting it was horrific, I was responding to someone who said she was in a secure financial position.

A UC claimant is absolutely not in a secure financial position. People are getting hung up on fact she owns her house, this makes little difference in the day to day finances, in fact if she were renting and having a housing element paid she would be better of in terms of maintenance and repairs. The house is a red herring here.

What difference does this make? Very little. All it means is OP doesn't get a housing element to cover rent. She lives in the house and is responsible for all maintenance and repairs. In the future the fact that she owns the house will serve her well but for now she is in no different position at the end of each month than if she were in a HA property.

It is madness to risk a good set up like yours OP. You work a job you love, which enables you to have time with your kids, your own home and everything ticking over nicely. No man, I’m sorry to say, is worth messing up such a comfortable life for. Your 5 year old needs your focus, money and time, not an extra adult that isn’t their parent.

I may be particularly negative on this subject, but I feel strongly that no new partners should be moved into a child’s home, unless some huge mountain of evidence suggests it’s going to actually benefit the child. If you say you’d hardly see your bf unless they move in, that suggests to me they won’t have gotten to know your child well? Relationships are complicated and very often don’t last, why put your child through it all? Keep things as they are, and if that can’t work, then that’s your answer.

Course she's more secure. Repairs and maintenance are a drop in the ocean. She's got an asset worth tens of thousands that she can borrow against if she needed to. Anything she earns doesn't have to pay for rent or mortgage, that's much more secure than most people. It's literal security, fully owning your own home. HA renters aren't comparable and certainly aren't better off just because someone will fix their leaks. Weird to see the baseline as being that she'd get everything paid for by benefits rather than that she'd cover her own costs, especially now as PP points out she's in a good position with a partner, a grown son and the other in school. She's not a single mum in need of lots of support.

@pinkdelight

Course she's more secure. Repairs and maintenance are a drop in the ocean. She's got an asset worth tens of thousands that she can borrow against if she needed to.

Not many people are lending to single parents who work part time.

Repairs and maintenance when you are a low income single parent are not a drop in the ocean at all.

I don't know how you can try tugging at my heart strings for someone who's mortgage free in this situation. If she had a big repair and found it tricky to get a loan because she worked part time, she could work full time. She's chosen not to, it's not some curse she's under. She's doing fine.

@pinkdelight

I think you may have misunderstood me here. I was the first person ion the thread to suggest OP steps up and works full time.

The fact I have later responded to a comment suggesting she is is financially secure and said a person on low income benefits in not financially secure does not mean I am 'tugging at your heart strings', in fact I'm not sure why you jumped in at my comment anyway, it was a response to a specific poster about what they said. I'm certainly not trying to make you feel sympathy for OP, I was just stating facts. Financial security is not being a low income single parent on benefits.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/money/my-boyfriend-refuses-pay-rent-32142350?utm_source=linkCopy&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=sharebar

Oh dear

It means that her partner can potentially make a claim on the property down the line if they split up or if anything were to happen to her. He could contest a will that left the property to her children. He could demand she “buys him out” of any share he may have claim to. So she risks no longer owning her home safely if she moves a partner in without proper legal advice and an appropriate written agreement.

The issue of changes to her current income is one consideration, but there is an underlying risk which leaves her (and her children) potentially even more financially vulnerable.

What do you mean 'oh dear'?

Do not move this man in.

Your first priority has ti be your 5yo child. moving in a new partner and damaging your financial security is a silly thing to do. Why should you take such a hit so that he doesn't have to suffer any consequences? What makes him so special? He seems like a selfish jerk who is looking for an opportunity to become a cocklodger.