How can my new partner move in

[Khrysteen]

Long story il try to keep it short.
Single parent to 2 boys age 5 and 18.work part time own my own home outright no mortgage payments.
Want to move my partner in within next year. Problems
1.i lose any benefits I currently get which adds up to almost £800 a month.
2.partner currently rents a property at £600 a month. Says he can't afford to pay me the £800 I will lose in benefits.
He will also have to travel further to work every work costing about an extra £200 a month fuel. He said he can't justify giving up his security, ie his rented property, to be worse of both financially and security wise.

I do understand what he is saying. I just don't see anyway we can make it work. Although we both want to.
Any advice or anyone in same situation.
If we can't find a way to live together we break up as the distance between us is too big to keep travelling to see each other

Work full time then you won’t need UC. If your DC is at school wrap around care will be a lot less than a full days earnings.

I didn’t think you were expected to work full time until the youngest child is 12?

You might not be expected to but you still can

I was replying to someone who said on UC that the op would be expected to. I think I replied wrong

Let’s try again, quote fail last time 😁
I didn’t think if on benefits as a single parent you were expected to have to find work until the youngest is 12?

@Notamum12345577

I didn’t think if on benefits as a single parent you were expected to have to find work until the youngest is 12?

This is why OP should check

I dont think id want to pay anyone £800 tbh.
Cheaper on his own.
He would be paying more to live with you.

How are you getting £800 on benefits for one child. as oldest is 18.

I didn’t think if on benefits as a single parent you were expected to have to find work until the youngest is 12?

Under Universal Credit, you're expected to look for work of 30 hours a week (or more) once your child is 3. Once they reach 13, that increases to 35 hours a week.

The Jobcentre is going to want OP to increase her hours once she switches to UC.

Am i missing something here you want him to pay the £800 that you will lose in benefits if he moves in.
If so thats the choice you make yes he has to pay his way but that dont sound right.
Thats far to much to ask hes better off on his own maybe thats what hes seeing and letting you down slowly.
I dont get it.

This would be a no from me.

He currently pays £600 for rent PLUS bills. Does he think he’ll stop using energy and broadband when he moves into yours?

In any case, I wouldn’t make myself/my children worse off for a man, so would only continue the relationship with him living in his home.

Work more hours yourself. Honestly Uc aren't going to let you continue to work part time indefinitely so you likely aren't going to qualify for that amount of benefits for much longer without being asked to look for more hours.
You don't even have any housing costs, i don't understand how with two salaries between you you can't manage, quite unbelievable. maybe he just doesn't want to commit or isn't onboard with sharing finances?
Do you get CM on top of all the benefits for your kids also?

He`s not a replacement for your benefits your asking way too much.
Its like your asking for a monthly mortgage payment.
All im reading is money money money.
Pay ya way but you want more than what your entitled to for the sounds of it.
If i was him id be running for the hills.

Eldest is an apprentice. Goodness knows how op is getting £800 in tax credits a month ! The system is a joke.

So your working part time dont want more hours getting 800 in benefits plus contribution pay from eldest.
Want a partner to move in but he has to pay you what you will lose out on.
Your taking the piss.
You just want money for the sounds of it sorry im blunt but I'd rather be honest.
You benefit is more than what i get left with a month and i work myself flat.
Thats without all your other income.
You dont want a man you want a bank.

I hate to say it but op will come back with some SEN thats why she gets that much.
I agree its a joke.
So is this thread.

Use an online benefits calculator to estimate what you'll get on UC. You'll probably have to move to that soon under managed migration anyway. Not sure if transitional protection is exactly the same in NI, but it's a fallacy that you'll get the same amount in benefits unfortunately. Lots of people are finding out that's simply not true.

Also on UC you'll be expected to earn equivalent of 32 hrs/wk at NMW. Transitional Protection doesn't cover for that. Your current 20hrs probably puts you above the current Administrative Earnings Threshold and in the ght touch regime. But there are moves afoot to make light touch less light. Basically, expect to be worse off/work more on UC. There's a good chance your benefits will reduce significantly in the medium term. And at that point the scales may tip to make living together look like a better financial scenario.

I think the best option for you is to keep the status quo for a while. Based on the figures you given it sounds like what he'll save on rent wouldn't even plug the hole in your benefits, and he'll incur large travel expenses on top. So he might as well keep his independence for now. No reason he can't stay over at yours regularly and keep his flat as his actual home (except the extra travel expenses).

How long have you been together, what does your 18 yo think? As for the 2yo why are you moving someone in with them and basing it on financials?

You need to itemise all the household outgoings, personal ones and what you have left over. He needs to itemise his. Then you need to budget together to see if it will work.

It sounds as if you're best off living separately, tbh

Personally I would never risk a such a secure financial position but especially not with a five year old in the mix.

Your P paying half bills actually won’t make up for the shortfall. I was left so much worse off when my ex moved in for a few years, and I wasn’t in receipt of any benefits. I lost my single person discount on council tax, bills went up, he was reluctant to split them equally because I had a child and would complain about every expense until in the end I just paid everything, he would buy expensive non-essential groceries and expect me to pay half…. I mean, he was an all round dickhead for many reasons, but there was a lot of stuff I couldn’t have predicted beforehand - some of which was discussed in advance but the reality didn’t match.

If he moves in is your P prepared to view the three of you as a unit financially? (I am only excluding your 18yo from this as he is contributing - but it’s worth recognizing that you may well want to treat the eldest, and/or pay for things for all of you, and your P might feel that’s not on him) Will your P want to split bills etc unevenly as you have two children in the house? (I’m not saying this is outrageous of him necessarily, just pointing out that you might not be reducing your outgoings nearly as much as you’ll be reducing your income). Are you comfortable working additional hours in future to make up the shortfall if that impacts your youngest and the amount of time and flexibility you currently have to deal with parenting him? There is a huge toll on MH to have to work long low paid hours when you’re also solely responsible for a small child. How much parenting do you want him to do (if any), and how much does he think he will be doing (pick ups/drop offs, sick days, school holidays etc etc).

Far more importantly long term, have you made plans to protect the house (I’m assuming this is your only/main financial asset)? Have you had legal advice, had paperwork drawn up for him to consider confirming he will never have a claim on the property. As a single parent, frankly, I think it’s lunacy to consider making yourself this vulnerable when the desparotu between your financial security is so vast.

If he really cared about building a life with you he would be willing to relocate closer to your home so that you can continue to see each other, while maintaining your financial independence. If he isn’t then it doesn’t appear that he is bothered enough about you to be worth taking this kind of risk for. Sorry.

What is his income like? Moving in with you wouldn’t give him much stability, so he’d need to be able to save each month as well.

If you don’t have childcare or housing costs do you really need the full £800? If you work 20 hours per week at minimum wage, even with a generous pension contribution you’re probably still taking home over £800 a month. So what sort of bills are costing you upwards of £1,600 a month?

He probably thinks you’re being unfair to ask that much from him, even if he could afford it.

Although I do wonder if this is really just a disguised goady thread about benefits

£600 a month in rent, eh? That's not all he pays to live there though, is it?

Plus also (presumably) gas, electricity, broadband, contents insurance, food, laundry, council tax, water rates and whatever else. Apart from food, his expenditure on everything would be reduced to pretty much nil if he moved in with you.

He just doesnt sound like a good prospect for a partner.

I agree. Unless OP drip feeds about SEN or PIP or something else that's a LOT of money without housing benefit or childcare.
If OP is sure of her calculations and insists he pays the full amount, which he refuses to do then nothing can be done.
Unless she wants tips on committing benefit fraud? Or, erm, a 'magical way'?

It's really not hard.