Other women wouldn’t accept this right?

[BRATZZ]

Name changed for this.

I’m 26 and he’s 29. We have two young children together. Over the years I’ve realised that his social media usage is much different to mine. I’m frequently deactivating my accounts whereas he’s on social media daily. No biggie right? Millions of people are on social media everyday.

Except, I started to notice that he was always speaking with the same girls and on multiple apps too. He’d speak with them via Snapchat and also have conversations on Instagram. Most conversations were about innocent, mundane topics but when I snooped (yes, I know that was wrong but here we are), I saw that he was ALWAYS messaging different girls when they’d post something on Snapchat. It’d often be a somewhat revealing post where you can see their figure and he’d message things like ‘😍,’ ‘wow that’s your colour’ and cringe messages like that.

I told him I found this to be inappropriate and asked him to block and delete certain girls. After all, he’s never actually met them in real life. They’re apparently ‘social media’ friends. Anyway, he blocked them with no issues and admitted he crossed the line. Yesterday, I was on his new iPad and saw old pictures of our children. I asked him if I could look through his pictures and he said no problem.

Guys, as soon as I opened the camera roll I saw about 5 different pictures/videos of the same girl in gym wear and tight leggings. I asked him who the fuck was this and he came up with some bullshit lie ‘oh one of my friends sent it to me.’ Que me asking why the hell he was lying and why would a friend send him videos of a random girl. I could see that he’d actually screen recorded one of the videos from this girl’s Twitter account. How creepy is that?

Anyway, I lost it and I’ve decided that there’s no coming back from all of this. He’s constantly disrespecting me but he seems to think that it doesn’t matter because it’s not real life and it’s just ‘social media.’ Mind you, he messaged one of these girls telling her he missed her the same day I was cut open to deliver our son.

I know I shouldn’t have to ask but this isn’t normal is it? If you’ve read this, you wouldn’t put up with this constant disrespect right? It’s icky and practically perverted

Very disrespectful. Whats his reason for this sorry but get rid hes always going to do this i have been through this myself.

God no you’re not unreasonable at all. Get rid. You can never trust him.

This. He’s making a mug of you OP

I’m sorry, but you need to get rid!

Whenever I read the comments from random strange blokes on beautiful celebrity women's Instagram pages, I always wonder how awful they must be in real life, and how deeply sorry I'd feel for any women whose husbands are one of them. I'm sorry op, he's ick.

dont waste your youth on him

Yeah that's so cringe. I would be totally turned off if a bloke was sharking about like that. Not interested in anyone who does that. You've already told him your boundaries here and he's communicated clearly to you that he doesn't care particularly.

He doesn’t even have a reason! I got told, ‘it’s not real life,’ ‘it’s not like I’m trying to meet up with them’ etc. All bullshit really

Thank you, this is it really. I’ve communicated how I feel time and time again. Why would I carry on doing that when this guy really doesn’t give a shit?

I find it harder to deal with because 1) we have two young children and I don’t have support besides him and 2) I was cheated on in my past relationship so I really wonder whether this is all I’m going to get in life.

Thank you for the comments all. Sometimes you just need extra opinions to know that you’re not being OTT and your feelings are valid

At the very least it is Ick inducing. Men are so basic, it's grim.

Definitely not something I could put up with.

Sorry this has happened op but at least you know what he's like now and can make your decisions on if you can stay in a relationship with him or not.

Wishing you and your dc all the best on whatever you decide.

Op I'm sorry to be harsh but my upset is aimed at this idiot of a man in your life. From everything you wrote you know it's wrong and it doesn't matter if other women would put up with it or if they wouldn't get upset. You're allowed to be upset and you don't need validation for this. and also stop apologising for going into his phone, I'm going to assume if he was giving you trustworthy vibes you wouldn't need to look. You need to decide what you want from this point, even if he stopped can you forgive this behaviour?

If you have a partner it's not ok to talk with a bunch of people of the opposite sex online like that. It's disrespectful. You should never have to ask someone to stop messaging random women online. Because they shouldn't even think to do that in the first place.

You can't talk anyone into respecting you.
Leave him and never look back.

And if he has the cheek to say that's unfair and 'everyone else' would be cool with it, tell the gaslighting asshole to fuck off back to fairytale land where he comes from.

its disrespectful to you and if he doesnt see this then you deserve so much better

Totally disrespectful, no way should he be perving on other women online and then messaging them and complimenting them. Of course its not acceptable behaviour and l can't imagine many women would be ok with that kind of behaviour from their partner.

You should never have to ask someone to stop messaging random women online. Because they shouldn't even think to do that in the first place.

Exactly that. The fact that I’ve had to have the conversation not once, not twice but multiple times is absurd. There is no more relationship after that. Screen recording someone’s video from their Twitter account so you can keep going back over it? What a sicko.

There’s no more trust here. Once the trust is gone, I don’t see the point in hoping things can change. I’m sick of him

Thank you. I’ve always known it’s wrong because everytime I’d come across it, it’d feel like a punch in the gut and I’d immediately start crying. It’s shit, it’s really shit but I feel like I emotionally checked out a while ago.

I’ve never trusted him 100% since the day I saw him messaging another woman telling him that he misses them on the same day that I was having my planned C section. I’m only 26 so I have my life ahead of me but I don’t understand why I attract these sort of pathetic men, it’s mind boggling

sadly this is very common but that doesn't make it any less acceptable

Definitely very disrespectful, I would not stay with him and ask him to leave

There's nothing specific about you that attracts them. They cast a wide net. And if people let them away with bullshit, they stay.

The problem isn't that you attract them, it's that you keep them.

Drop them at the first red flag. Fuck the benefit of the doubt. Women get killed giving men the benefit of the doubt.

You’re absolutely right Pink. The quote, ‘when someone shows you who they are, believe them’ is currently going through my mind.

It’s easy to ignore the red flags, have a conversation and hope that things improve and assume that’ll be the end of things. It’s harder to accept the red flags and keep it moving however it’s always better in the long run. I’m happy I started this thread. It’s always nice to speak with others when you’re not ready to talk about a situation with friends yet

Mind you, he messaged one of these girls telling her he missed her the same day I was cut open to deliver our son.

I got told, ‘it’s not real life…’

@BRATZZ, this is his real life … and it has hugely impacted and damaged yours. Although you laid down your boundary, he repeatedly trashed that in his determination to gain illicit thrills and validation via these women. Telling one of his harem that he missed her on the day you gave birth was truly beyond the pale.

You’ve been flogging this dead horse and tolerating his devaluation for ages. Kudos for ending it. He chose to blow all his chances, and he’s never going to change.

Thank you for this well written post, everything you’ve said is 100% accurate. It’s as if he thrives off of the validation and compliments that he gives these random women. Having inappropriate conversations at the exact moment that I’m waiting to have my C Section? It’s unbelievable really.

I want to say that I’m surprised that he’s not even the least bit apologetic but I’m not. Not really. I appreciate everyone’s comments as I’ve really needed to read some supportive comments💐

Absolutely no way on god's earth I would put up with this.

Nope, it would be game over for me.