Do you know why you’re not liked?

[Underestimated4]

Have you ever been disliked by someone, known they don’t like you but not know why? Or do you know reasons why peoples wouldn’t like you? Do you ever think it is you or is it there issue or both?

My MIL has never liked me, she’s never said but I can tell. She makes little effort with me, she makes sly digs when people aren’t listening, I’ve heard her slagging me off.

I don’t actually know what I’ve done wrong apart from love her son and make him happy - after he was in a bad relationship. I’ve tried to include in things, I’ve invited them round for food/drinks, generally I’m a nice thoughtful person and I do have a lot of friends I just don’t understand why and it hurts me.

Don't worry about it . We can't be liked by everyone. The fear of being disliked is why people put up with shit and bad treatment. This is what your MIL is picking up on . Try not to care about her opinion of you and see if it makes a difference.

My dear she is jealous of you … that’s it … I know it’s easy from my side sitting here typing as I’m not in your situation my advise …Stop .. stop making an effort … stop worrying about her.. your mother didn’t rear you to be treated like this
now your partner will have to man up here and support you
youve done nothing wrong but have been wronged
the cheek of that auld one …like who does she think she is

Why people like me or not is none of my business. All I'm responsible for is how I treat others, and I know my family loves me. I don't have the time or inclination to spend my emotional energy worrying about what insignificant people think of me.

It’s actually because she’s not happy within herself. That goes for most people who hate for no reason

I couldn't care less if people like me or not, it's really not worth giving them the headspace

Your MIL doesn't like you because you've taken her little soldier away from her and you're the most important thing in his life now, not her

I think I can come across cold, I think I can say the wrong things, and sometimes it's all on them as something has triggered them - I'm dating their ex or whatever.

The nicest thing you can ever do for yourself in these situations is to just breathe and let it go. Hard when it's your MIL but try and just laugh and let it go. She's decided what she's decided, it's clearly a her problem.

Low social capital? Well that what I think when somebody is frosty to me. Im likeable. What's not to like I wonder.
I think confident people like my company and like me but when I'm given the deliberate cold shoulder by somebody insecure with two different personalities on the go, this is what I suspect is going on. Ie, that i have low social capital. Some people, "vacuums" with an external locus of validation are lovely 8to the people whose association would reflect well on them. They can even be ok to the people who are obvious underlings who understand their place! (Beneath them) . Thats how they show they are kind. Ha.

But if you are friendly with some of the same people the vacuum thinks "huh? Her? She is making our group look less popular/powerful/edgy. An association with her won't validate me, so, id better not risk letting her think we're friends as that could tarnish how im viewed. A friendship with her isn't going to reflect well on me, I'm going to have to be frosty to her so they understand we are not friends."
i research bullying in adults a lot about a decade ago.

my colleague hates me - she’s threatened by me and jealous another colleague fancies me (he is so weird and I’m happily married so I don’t understand that but heard it from 2 others). She is the same level as me but will do all she can to put me down and make her look great. It’s tedious.

Next time she makes a sly dig, call for your husband and say "You'll never guess what Marjorie just said!" with a laugh in your voice. That might make her think.

It's always people at your level who are frosty because they look at you and see somebody beneath them, but that's not reflected back to them, and then they hate YOU.

Honestly as i’ve got older i’ve asked people. Some have told me. I’m loud and bossy and can apparently come off as mean. These people don’t know me (they have been put off by first impressions), if they did they’d know i’m nice really. So it doesn’t make me sad. It’s actually really empowering to ask.

there was one friend of a friend actually i got drunk and asked why she didn’t like me at a party and she cried and said she really did like me but thought she thought i felt i was too cool for her. We’ve been pals ever since ❤️

I do come across as standoffish but I'm actually really nice

Loving her son is EXACTLY what you've done wrong. You're taking her 'baby' away from her and she resents that.

Yes, because I'm Gender critical.
I don't care.

I've met a few people who I knew actively disliked me almost from the outset.

One spread awful rumours about me in an attempt to run me out of town (those were literally her words). She didn't want me to be able to show my face apparently.

My crime?

When I was 17, I dated a boy at school who she had a massive crush on in the present. He wasn't interested in her. At the time of this happening, he was 44, I was 45 and she was 57 🤷🏻‍♀️

IME, unless you're a prick, people don't like you for reasons to do with them and not you.

Ah, so you are 'womaning' incorrectly.

Some people really don't like that! 🙄

I generally don’t care. I don’t like everyone I meet, so obviously I expect some people to not like me.

That’s ok. It’s not my job to be appealing. People will clash sometimes.

Some people are just arseholes and hate you no matter what you do.

I had a coworker volunteer a long list of all my flaws when we were working alone. It was from nowhere and I was a little taken aback. I replied fair enough and carried on working. Months later he was showing signs of not coping with the job and I helped save his arse. He was less critical after that. DH says people hate me because I look after myself and in his words am fit. Nice of him to say but really I couldn't care who likes or dislikes me. I'm a loner, I enjoy being this way. Probably come across as very cold. An old uni friend said I looked angry and unapproachable. I'll take that thanks.

I think your MiL might not like you because she sees you are his everything and she's jealous. Don't take it personally she would dislike anyone her son loved.

There is not liking someone and then there is making sly little digs because you feel the need to show it.

Your MIL sounds immature and quite unpleasant - probably is just because you're an important part of her son's life and on some level she doesn't want to share. Probably can't win with women like that.

What does your H do to support you around this issue?

@GreyCarpet i know right 😂

I dont tend to waste life thinking about why someone doesnt like me. My exMIL was just like yours. I do think she just didnt like her useless shitbag baby boy being 'taken away' 🙄

The only person who actually dislikes me does so because I do not like her as much as she feels entitled to be liked, and she experiences this like an attack. And I liked her quite a lot until she went a bit crazy about it! But I like other friends in the same group better, and I think she feels she is...better than them? And should be liked more.

Other than that, plenty of people don't actively like me, but then why should they? We all meet thousands of people and I'm not very remarkable.