Do you know why you’re not liked?

[Underestimated4]

Have you ever been disliked by someone, known they don’t like you but not know why? Or do you know reasons why peoples wouldn’t like you? Do you ever think it is you or is it there issue or both?

My MIL has never liked me, she’s never said but I can tell. She makes little effort with me, she makes sly digs when people aren’t listening, I’ve heard her slagging me off.

I don’t actually know what I’ve done wrong apart from love her son and make him happy - after he was in a bad relationship. I’ve tried to include in things, I’ve invited them round for food/drinks, generally I’m a nice thoughtful person and I do have a lot of friends I just don’t understand why and it hurts me.

I once quoted this to a colleague who kept putting me down:
Blowing out someone else's candle, doesn't make yours shine any brighter.
Never had any more shit from her.

My mil doesn't like me - it's just irrational jealousy on her part.

You haven't done anything wrong. Your mil is just very possessive of her son.

I'm quite confident and outgoing and get along easily with most people - but very occasionally somebody is completely allergic to me. I think it's the confidence tbh - some people perceive it be be arrogance. I don't really care now I'm older - which I think aggravates them more! When I was younger I felt I had to change their minds - but I don't worry about it now

You can’t be liked by everyone and sometimes we just meet people we don’t rub along with. I treat everyone like I want to be treated myself (nicely) but if people don’t like me it’s invariably because I won’t put up with their crap.

@Tootytoot78 i think she’d be delighted if I showed her she’s got to me but I do like that saying. I’m a woman who boosts others and avoid the bitching but I’ve mostly worked in mainly male teams. This has been a learning curve. For all people on mn slagging off men, there’s a lot of awful women out there too.

This happened to me with a colleague and looking back she was a bitch from the start. Our line manager had no idea but when my replacement started the line manager told her that said colleague was difficult to get along with! 😳

@Tootytoot78 I like that. It doesn't require an answer. Also, if she repeats it, it doesn't smear you, it still makes her look bad so I bet she didn't tell anybody you said that to her.

I read somewhere that being kind is a sign of intelligence and it's kind of stuck with me. Something to do with having an advanced psyche that extends beyond the self and a primitive instinct that being nicer to people pays off in the long run.

People are free to like and dislike who they want but to be actively unkind to someone is a different matter. Your MIL sounds unkind.

My MIL doesn't like me, she feels her son could do better. We've been together 30yrs and married for 20. She holds out hope 🤣

Other people have disliked me for different reasons - I am cold or standoffish or I just didn't suck up to them enough. Meh!

I have an Aunt who doesn't like me, I think it is because she saw herself as the artistic, creative one of the family but then I came along and went to art school and have an art career, she just loves going out of her way to shit on me anyway she can. She always claims we look like sisters, we don't and she is also 30 years older than me. Her husband used to try and feel me up when I was a teenager, grim.

I think at other times I've had people not like me because I don't fall in line and do their bidding or what they expect. I think I must come over to people as very placid and easy to manipulate but I am not at all.

Other times I think people might I wouldn't say not liked me but found me kind of awkward because it takes me a while to get comfortable with people and I tend to be pretty quiet and not give too much away initially. I know some people who are very open find that alienating at times.

She is weirdly jealous of you,

No woman would ever be good enough for her son ever,
no matter how lovely accomadating, or good enough maternal wise to her grandchildren,

as she thinks she is the queen bee or should be and should never make the mistake of forgetting that,
she sees you as competition for her son's attention time and energy and even affection,
he won't have enough energy time and attention to give to her endless neediness that needs to be constantly fulfilled as much as possible..

Things get tricky if someone doesn't like you but has some kind of power over you, e.g if the boss is very friendly with them and listens to their gossip or they take credit for you work so you don't get noticed etc.
I have to say in this instance I go out of my way to try and make them "like" me.

1. I speak the truth, I can't sugar coat nonsense so I do not try.
2. I don't keep bad people in my life.
3. Be two faced with me and you're out.
4. Do the right thing else bugger off.

Ohhh don’t get me started on this. My MIL very obviously doesn’t like me. It’s wound me up. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a her problem and not a me problem as I’m a likable person. I’m happy I’ve done nothing wrong. She is either jealous or has personal issues of her own. Why would I like someone like that to like me. She hasn’t even got the decency to great me or offer a drink.

Have you ever been disliked by someone, known they don’t like you but not know why?

This was my life before autism diagnosis.

Or do you know reasons why peoples wouldn’t like you?

And this is my life after autism diagnosis.

I had this with a woman above me. Made me feel near suicidal. She had to go out of her way most days to tell me she just didn’t like me and no one else did.

On reflection I think she’s a very sad individual who always needs a scratching post to prop her self confidence (lack of) up.

My husband is a lovely person but he hates confrontation. He’s spoken to his dad about it a few years back but nothing got better. He just says for us to keep them at arms length. I know he finds it difficult because he loves his family but doesn’t like what his Mum does but because he’s a good man he doesn’t want to fall out with them.

Sometimes I wish he’s lose his shit and tell her where to go. Maybe one day.

@phauxtox

Same here . A lot of people mistake quietness as a weakness .

Lots of odd assumptions here. Why did he speak to his dad if it’s his mother who behaves unpleasantly to his wife? Why do you (and he?) think that a ‘good man’ doesn’t actually address bad behaviour? There’s absolutely no need for him to ‘lose his shit’ and ‘tell her where to go’. It’s perfectly possible to be civil when asking someone to change an obnoxious behaviour. And if there’s a falling out, well that’s surely on the person who’s being demonstrably unpleasant, not on the person who asked them to stop it?

Have you addressed it with her? Why not?

My MIL doesn’t much like me, either, but I’m quite fond of her, despite her ill-concealed horror I’m not as she’d like — she’s just terminally tactless and unimaginative. She wanted a SAHM of four whose life was totally family-centred and who was available for bingo, Weightwatchers and shopping. She got a work-focused mother of one who went back early from maternity leave and likes spending weekends climbing mountains. Some9ne asked her recently what I did for a living (same thing I’ve done since 2002, career path I e been on since we met in 1992), and she didn’t know.😀

She also compiled an album of 200 photos for DH’s 40th birthday, and asked me to send her some, so I did. Bear in mind that we met as teenagers, so I’m in all DH’s graduation photos, 21st birthday, university balls, awards ceremony, family weddings, not to mention our wedding and our baby’s photos — out of the 200, I am in four, two of them in large group shots of graduating classes/ball survivors. 😀

I couldn’t get exercised about it, though. I’m more interested in whether I like people than in whether they like me.

Your MIL is jealous of you.

She’s emotionally immature and has obviously got a very bitter streak. Sadly it’s not uncommon.

If my DS one day had a DW like you who loved him dearly, it would make me so happy.

I really feel for you, but always remember it is not you 💐

Yes I know when people don't like me at times, it's because I'm not very agreeable to things or people I don't agree with. Also I'm direct and to the point, which some read as rude.
But mainly I don't have a high drive to be liked by all and sundry, so I don't put the effort in to being universally likeable.

Yeah, this has put the kiss of death on a few of my friendships too. I don't care because I think their views are equally deplorable and I'll have the last laugh, so to speak.

I've had issues with my DH's family. I've given my DH countless opportunities to tackle them effectively, but somehow he hasn't/it hasn't worked. So now I simply refuse to see the worst offenders, and he has to live with it.

A few people at work haven’t liked me because I have called them out at being shit at their job, including one of my bosses.

Also had a couple of childfree friends stop wanting to see me once I had a baby.

But honestly, I couldn’t care less. No point in getting people to try and like you. Better things to focus on.

Diskiking is different from hate, and no I don’t take it personally. It’s about them not me. Maybe I remind them of someone or they don’t like confident people or they are insecure. It’s not personal, as in most cases they won’t even know you.