New Partner with ADHD

[Amy1994x]

Hi lovelies, I don’t want to sound like I’m moaning - just looking for some guidance!

I met a guy about five months ago. Long story short he is really caring, funny and a good work ethic. However, he has un medicated ADHD and it is quite severe. Examples - he is really loud all of the time even in public he’s a joker and will like say things loudly to make me laugh but I’m quite introverted and it makes me cringe sometimes! He is on the go constantly fidgeting, can’t sit still, he will make random noises and barge around the house heavy handedid (I have ocd and like everything really neat!) his brain is really non stop he will get up and have all these plans in his head and start DIY randomly on a Sunday morning (he’s really good at it) sometimes if we see each other and I want to relax (I have a really demanding job I have to drive two hours a day) he also has a really hands on job as a IT Manager, but he will just talk and start play fighting and try to make me laugh, and not sit still and I feel myself getting frustrated and snappy. He really is lovely and I don’t want to sound selfish I just want some tips on coping, He’s very attractive funny goes to the gym looks after himself (we met at the gym!) I just feel like a bad person for getting frustrated with him. Sorry for the long thread - any tips on Partner with ADHD ? Am I being unreasonable? Thank you ❤️for content I have no children and live alone.

My gut feeling here is that your energies and gebdebcues make unincompatible. I think u may get burn out.

I say this as someone with ADHD and also experience of unbalanced relationships in the sens if energy, impulsivity and loudness!

I would have a really deep think about what y want for the future and ur u have any doubt think about not kicking firsed befor u gr not tangled together.
Obviously this comment doesn't take into account all the naunces in people and relationship but just from your post

X

Thank you @Grenola ! And @charliefair he never ever blames ADHD. He never mentions it. His mom has told me has it, he doesn’t even mention it. It’s obvious. He’s not vile at all but thanks for your input

Making comments about your breath absolutely is vile.

Right so now you have a man who everyone thinks has ADHD but he hasn't mentioned it to you?

Right. Ok. Your defensive digging is getting stupider as you go.

@charliefair im not arguing with you. He’s mentioned adhd when we first met yes but he doesn’t bring it up. You’re saying he’s vile but calling me stupid on the internet. Last thing I’d be doing with my day is calling a woman stupid on mums net to be honest . Most other people on here have been helpful.

I can answer why he is not medicated: because it's close to impossible to get medication as an adult with ADHD in the UK unless you're unemployable or a criminal without it or have the money to go private. My understanding is that it's gotten better since the explosion in awareness of the condition since 2020, but there are a lot of doctors at the GP level that will try and steer you away from using these meds.

I'm not your partner, and your attempts to defend him are what I called stupid. But twist away, that's what you have been doing anyway.

@dmorse

He hasn't even been assessed so that's probably got a lot to do with it. The ADHD is on the say so of his mother and other people who know him.

Oh also OP just to clarify, telling you to walk away from this dickhead was an attempt to be helpful. Nothing good will come of this relationship.

@charliefair thanks for your advice

I said it because I was giving examples of things he says in public. I understand I asked for opinions and call him a twt if you want, but what I won’t accept is someone claiming he is sexist, that people shouldn’t be entitled to smile for him (which they aren’t) and apparently harasses women that’s absolutely outrageous 🤣*

Im not sure what you want from this thread tbh. You’ve given several examples of him acting like an arsehole, and when people agree his behaviour is unacceptable you start defending him.

It’s almost like a stealth brag about how weird he is. And your laughing faces at his inappropriate behaviour suggests you think it’s really funny that he acts like a prick.

And now it turns out he isn’t actually diagnosed with ADHD at all.

Ah, interesting updates. I see that he hasn’t got a diagnosis of ADHD at all.

He is just, in fact, a total and utter bellend.

The staff in the the chippy may have laughed along out of politeness but they pity you.

Good luck OP, I think you’re going to find your social circle rapidly diminishing the longer you’re with him because nobody wants to hang out with this prick.

I didn’t say he wasn’t diagnosed - I’m not sure. And no you can think he’s a dick but you were saying things about him that he harasses women which is not true so obviously I am going to address it. The word ADHD is thrown around a lot so when he first mentioned it I didn’t think to ask if he had been diagnosed. I’m sure no one pities me and my social circle won’t decline at all what an absolutely bizarre thing to say, no one has ever said anything about his behaviour just he’s hyper and my friends are VERY honest with me. Some people with nasty tongues on here .

will like say things loudly to make me laugh but I’m quite introverted and it makes me cringe

Also I must add I’m probably not introverted by any means I’m very chatty and social

You are being inconsistent and misleading to the point you are contradicting yourself. If it suits you to blame his behaviour on a condition he does not have then crack on. But twisting yourself in half to excuse him suggests you have some sort of cognitive dissonance about the situation. You have to decide if you are ok with his behaviour. And you’re obviously not, or you wouldn’t have posted.

Nobody seems to have picked up on the play fighting. You should be very very wary of this man.

@MrsDoubtfire24 introverted was the wrong word to use in the first instance , I’m just not that loud around people I don’t know I talk more out of nerves! I’m probably really outgoing to most people but he’s like it times 100. Thanks for your advice

If he's making you cringe only five months in, you're probably incompatible. Things should be perfect at this stage!!