Page 4 | Why do ex wives reach old 15 years post divorce

Yoe · 2024-03-16T21:19:59+00:00

Just want to understand this . Husband divorced 1st wife 15 yrs ago we , no kids she filed for divorce no infidelity . we have been married for 11 years together 14 years we met while he was separated. Out of the blue she messaged him on FB messenger ( they’re not friends on FB) a simple message asking how he was . He didn’t reply what do you think her reason for messaging was I told my husband I think she wants to apologise as she was really mean to him during their separation basically he wasn’t good enough , didn’t earn enough, educated enough … he wasn’t enough ….. well in the 15 years he became his best self and achieved all he has his own way and in his own time . Anyone any thoughts what do you think made her reach out

missshilling · 17/03/2024 10:40

Ex wives very definitely do not reach out to their exes

They quite obviously do.

Eyeroll2024 · 17/03/2024 11:16

missshilling · 17/03/2024 10:40

Ex wives very definitely do not reach out to their exes

They quite obviously do.

Weird you chose to miss the second part - "That's almost unheard of."

Ex wives very definitely do not reach out to their exes.

That's almost unheard of.

Key word, almost.

missshilling · 17/03/2024 11:54

Eyeroll2024 · 17/03/2024 11:16

Weird you chose to miss the second part - "That's almost unheard of."

Ex wives very definitely do not reach out to their exes.

That's almost unheard of.

Key word, almost.

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Weird that you chose to write that they definitely don’t, and then contradict yourself.

Original poster

Yoe · 17/03/2024 13:56

aurynne · 17/03/2024 04:39

Perhaps he could ask her? Why would anyone not reply?

I think in his case that is his past and he wants to keep it at that … hence he didn’t reply

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Original poster

Yoe · 17/03/2024 14:02

DatingDinosaur · 17/03/2024 06:52

If it was a fairly generic "hi how are you" it might not be her. It might be a spambot.

Ok I never thought of that

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MissLou0 · 17/03/2024 14:03

My first thought she probably is lonely and wants to rekindle things. Very inappropriate to contact him.

Original poster

Yoe · 17/03/2024 14:04

kkloo · 17/03/2024 05:41

I wouldn't think it was an apology because normally after such a long time I think a person would carefully compose an apology, along with an "I hope this doesn't upset you to hear from me, no need to respond if you don't want to, I just had to get this off my chest" kind of thing. They wouldn't just say Hey, how are you.

But then maybe she's just not very good at apologies.

Reading your reply I think that actually you maybe right

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Original poster

Yoe · 17/03/2024 14:06

MissLou0 · 17/03/2024 14:03

My first thought she probably is lonely and wants to rekindle things. Very inappropriate to contact him.

Yes it was very off tbh …. But it’s one of those weird things that doesn’t make any sense it would be totally different it they where co parenting or even lived in the same area

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ChanelNo19EDT · 17/03/2024 14:09

ex wife singular! you made it sound like he had several ex wives all trying to make contact!

One x wife. One comment.

I think it was probably just a glass of wine reaching out. It is possible to wonder how people are doing without wanting to get back with them! I have a bf from my 20s, he had far too high an opinion of himself altogether, always advising me and correcting my opinions and perspectives, but I sometimes wonder how he is because he was good company so long as you weren't going home with him.

Grendell · 17/03/2024 14:15

I've had 2 ex-relationship people (1 man and 1 woman, I'm bi) reach out to me in the last year. Both relationships happened when I was in my 20's and now we are all early 60's. They just seemed to want to "check in" - both of them - just to see if I was ok and how my life turned out. We had a little back and forth over Facebook messenger and then that was it.

Yogagrandmum · 17/03/2024 14:25

Maybe it’s a scam post…

Original poster

Yoe · 17/03/2024 16:57

Yogagrandmum · 17/03/2024 14:25

Maybe it’s a scam post…

I’m wondering how does that work ? They’re not friends on fb …. And tbh the message was so random after such along time … they haven’t been in contact for 15 yrs but. Know that scamming does occur it maybe that but weird if it was a scam he’s not a fb friend

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Original poster

Yoe · 17/03/2024 17:01

Grendell · 17/03/2024 14:15

I've had 2 ex-relationship people (1 man and 1 woman, I'm bi) reach out to me in the last year. Both relationships happened when I was in my 20's and now we are all early 60's. They just seemed to want to "check in" - both of them - just to see if I was ok and how my life turned out. We had a little back and forth over Facebook messenger and then that was it.

Yes I suppose people just want a checkin and nothing more for you it was 30+ years were you surprised they both reached out .i wonder after covid have a lot of people being doing some soul searching and reaching out . Before covid they would never consider it an option

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vodkaredbullgirl · 17/03/2024 17:03

I couldn't think of anything worse, than getting in contact with my ex lol.

Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions · 17/03/2024 17:09

Probably nothing deep about it.
Probably just wondering how life turned out for him.
The same way you might with an old school friend you were once close to.

Original poster

Yoe · 17/03/2024 17:41

vodkaredbullgirl · 17/03/2024 17:03

I couldn't think of anything worse, than getting in contact with my ex lol.

I hear you an x is an ex for a reason

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Grendell · 17/03/2024 18:47

Yoe · 17/03/2024 17:01

Yes I suppose people just want a checkin and nothing more for you it was 30+ years were you surprised they both reached out .i wonder after covid have a lot of people being doing some soul searching and reaching out . Before covid they would never consider it an option

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I was happy to hear from both of them and I assumed it had something to do with all of us turning 60.

I probably owed an apology to the woman and the man owed me a huge apology. I had already forgiven him in my mind - we are here on Earth to have experiences, which he and I had to extremes, so mission accomplished and now we can just reflect on it.

It just felt like we were tying up loose ends - debriefing what happened in the 1980s - and it was nice to interact with both as a mature emotionally stable person.

MississippiAF · 17/03/2024 18:52

DH’s ex does this from time to time. She left him for someone else (who she is now married to) and I met him much later on, but she seems to have rewritten history in her head that they would have got back together if it wasn’t for me.

He’s blocked her on everything, she’s mad about that but who cares. Not our problem she regrets her life decisions.

Don’t waste any of your life wondering about her.

Original poster

Yoe · 17/03/2024 19:09

MississippiAF · 17/03/2024 18:52

DH’s ex does this from time to time. She left him for someone else (who she is now married to) and I met him much later on, but she seems to have rewritten history in her head that they would have got back together if it wasn’t for me.

He’s blocked her on everything, she’s mad about that but who cares. Not our problem she regrets her life decisions.

Don’t waste any of your life wondering about her.

Thank you very wise post … especially nothing waste time wondering ….

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DatingDinosaur · 17/03/2024 19:31

Yoe · 17/03/2024 16:57

I’m wondering how does that work ? They’re not friends on fb …. And tbh the message was so random after such along time … they haven’t been in contact for 15 yrs but. Know that scamming does occur it maybe that but weird if it was a scam he’s not a fb friend

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Not weird at all. I've had quite a few "hi how are you" messenger messages from people who I'm not friends with on FB. I've also had some genuine messenger messages from people I'm not friends with on FB too. There's a bit more substance to those messages than just a "hi how are you" so I knew those ones were legit.