Why do ex wives reach old 15 years post divorce

[Yoe]

Just want to understand this . Husband divorced 1st wife 15 yrs ago we , no kids she filed for divorce no infidelity .

we have been married for 11 years together 14 years we met while he was separated.

Out of the blue she messaged him on FB messenger ( they’re not friends on FB) a simple message asking how he was . He didn’t reply

what do you think her reason for messaging was I told my husband I think she wants to apologise as she was really mean to him during their separation basically he wasn’t good enough , didn’t earn enough, educated enough … he wasn’t enough ….. well in the 15 years he became his best self and achieved all he has his own way and in his own time . Anyone any thoughts what do you think made her reach out

You may only be able to speculate while others from their experiences will share their view and thoughts is that not the whole point of this forum . Sharing of advise and information . I’ve read what you have wrote and thank you for that and I’m looking forward to reading what others think , assume , share , discuss and advise after all that’s why I asked my question

Tbh it is odd after so many years maybe she is in an amazing place maybe not … there is the disrespect side but you know I didn’t take it personally . I think she understood a clear message when he didn’t contact her back

I actually think its quite unfair of her to have not specified her reason for contacting in the message she's sent.

"How are you" is just so vague, she really should have just gotten to the point, "I'm just curious after so long how life turned out for you" "I've reflected alot on my past behaviour and wanted to apologise" etc, means no mind games and everyone knows where thry stand.
Personally, i'd ignore her message and see what she does. If she gets nasty/snarky, you know she's not changed and wasn't genuinely interested in how he's doing. If she messages again politely and making more direct questions you can get a better feel for why she's making contact. If you never hear from her again, it may be she regrets trying to make contact and is less embarrassed at not getting a reply.

If however your husband has no interest in her contact, regardless of reason, i'd block her, and that gives her the answer.

I would have thought it was normal to wonder how a person you used to be married to was doing. You'd want them to be ok unless the marriage had been awful.

Clearly not

Treated an ex like what? He’s received an unsolicited message and chose not to respond. How else is he meant to handle it?

I’ve just reported your inappropriate post being totally out of context and to be honest looking to creat drama for some sort of self indulgence . If you can’t contribute go away and find someone else to fight with no one likes weird no one

I'm wondering what's going on for you that you're asking about this tbh.

Just looking for peoples perspectives nothing deeper than that rest assure all is well with us but if it wasn’t I would reach out for help . Sometimes a question is just that nothing more to it . Thank you for asking I appreciate it

Ok as long as you're happy

She's got herpes or HIV? You'll never know 🤷

Well, you will eventually ...

Thank you I really am , and you know I do understand that sometimes behind a question in some cases a lot more is going on and the beauty about Mumsnet is some people dig a little just to make sure nothing else is going on and needs to come out . But as I said I’m good but again appreciate you for asking

Hahah well 15 years would have been a long incubation phew we are in the clear

So your husband's ex wife did this and somehow that means multiple ex wives do?

How odd.

Anyway. She perhaps had a reminiscence kind of evening and wondered how he was. Just a wild guess...

You right they don’t it’s a rule I was divorced before I met my husband and would never reach out to my ex . My view there an ex for a reason . Both of us didn’t have children in our first marriages and I do understand if kids where involved the scenario would be different

My husband’s ex of twenty years ago (no children) sends him emails at random intervals. The last one was about some beer he liked. He responds. He is always open about it and doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

who knows? Maybe she wants him back and this is her first move? Maybe she is doing some therapy or similar and wants to clear something up. As someone else said perhaps she is ill. Or just curious about his life now. Maybe she is nosy/bored/high/drunk/manic/desperately regrets her behaviour. Perhaps she is hoping for some misfortune to have befallen him as karma for something he did years ago. Or she might just be a very normal woman wondering how he is after all these years.

Does he have other ex- wives that have also got in touch after 15 years? Why the plural?

Maybe they’ve been chatting for years but this is the first message you’ve seen.

Wild stab in the dark - it wouldn't happen to be a significant date, would it? Like the anniversary of the date they first met, or when they got engaged? Or the anniversary of the death of a family member or an old mutual friend maybe.

Ah no that’s a typo just the one ex wife

I see where you are coming from and know this can happen
the message started with hi it’s (Ex wife’s name) and then how are you … so in this case I didn’t stumble across an ongoing conversation my husband told me his ex had messaged him .

So I obviously don't know the reason your husband's ex wife has reached out but i left and subsequently divorced my ex husband 5 years ago. In the last few years there have been times where I have considered getting in touch with him (but havent because I dont think it's fair to him). I'm not single or lonely, I don't want to get back together. I want to know he is well. I carry a lot of guilt for splitting up with him, I just wasn't happy with our life together but he was. I would genuinely love it if I ever did get in touch with him and found out he had remarried and was happy. Sometimes I do genuinely miss him and would love just to speak to him and catch up; my exhusband was my best friend when we were together and that was a huge part of our issue, our relationship felt very platonic and our sex life was awful, so when I say I miss him it's in the sense of missing an old friend who you spent an important part of your life with.

It's very possible your husband's ex wife has similarly non-sinister reasons for getting in touch.