Do you throw stuff during arguments?

[SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter]

If not routinely, have you ever, even once? Watching The Crown the Queen is caught on camera lobbing stuff in anger at Prince Phillip, and when she apologises to the cameramen she excuses it by saying she's sure it happens in every marriage! Does it? I never have but then I've never had a humdinger row anyway. If you throw stuff do you take a split-second to rationally decide what to chuck 'The washing-up sponge is ok, but not the saucepan' or do you just hurl whatever is to hand without even thinking about it? Do you regret it after?

XH threw things three times before I left him.

Last time was a heavy bedguard that he threw just a few feet from where I was holding our toddler.

I don’t know how long it would’ve been before it was thrown straight at me because I divorced him before I could find out.

(He conveniently pretends none of this ever happened)

I was within split seconds of throwing a very heavy frying pan at DH once….that was the point I realised 2 things, firstly the gym sessions were paying off and secondly that I needed help for peri rage.

I think the last times I threw things was in my teens.
I tend to direct my anger inwards rather than outwards.

I was so upset at someone I was seeing that after a phone call I threw a pair of diamond earrings that he had given me and they have gone down the gap in the floorboards somewhere in my bedroom and I never found them again! If I move house I don't know whether to tell the new owners!

I regard it as physical violence, even if throwing isn’t directly at someone.

experienced it during my upbringing.

Did it three times myself when in my 20s, in rows then DP. Wasn’t OK.

Actually, did it a couple of times as a teen in rows with friends - who were much too nice about it! In my case think it was that had learned and normalised some problem behaviours at home.

TV trope.

In real life, serious DV red flag.

No never. I have never thrown things, smashed things, punched things. I have this thing called self control you see. I have been a boxer most of my life so its not that I don't have that in me. Its that during an argument, especially with somebody that I love, I don't have a desire to be violent towards them.

My ex did though, his behaviour got progressively worse, he got three strikes, he kicked a door, threw a stool and repeatedly punched and broke something. I knew the next thing he hit during and argument would be me.

DP put up with it for years, the violence and abuse from his ex.

Neither of us will ever do that to eachother, I can't imagine acting out violently to the person I love.

My mum does though, I remember he throwing her own dinner, an entire full plate, across the living room into the wall once when we were in early double figures. She's always been very volatile. I remember my dad throwing a hoover aswell. I guess growing up around emotionally unstable and volatile people taught me to have better control of my emotions.

Once during an abusive relationship in my early 20s, but not at anyone, there was nobody else in the room. We'd been arguing in the lounge as a I collected up some dishes to take into the kitchen. When I arrived in the kitchen I just stood in the doorway and threw the whole lot across the room into the sink.

Never been driven to that point since. DH and I have never even raised voices to each other.

No. I haven't. I'm not sure if I'm beyond being destructive or if I just haven't had any great betrayals to test the theory.

Absolutely not!!!!

In my very early 20s, with one boyfriend who routinely cheated on me, yes, I did throw something once. Actually, we were eating dinner and I took my plate of pasta and hurled it against the wall.
And then I realised I didn't want to be a violent person... or unhappy. Broke up with him. I was becoming someone I hadn't been and didn't want to become. I regret allowing myself to stay in a relationship that left me blistering with resentment and feeling so ill used most of the time. It was only 9 months, our relationship. But that's an eternity when you're young. I'd never thrown anything since until nearly three years ago when I found out my ex husband had abused our daughter. I threw his laptop across the room. Worth ALL of the rage. And honestly, that's pretty tame, considering his behaviour.
So yeah, I've thrown things in an argument twice in 30 years. I'm not proud of my record but I'm relieved it's not a habit.

Used to.
Probably would still given the right circumstances.

I did when I was married and it made me realise how toxic the marriage was. I would never do it again

I have done, in the distance past. I threw a bunch of keys hard at the door after a colleague had said something that made me furious and then left the room. And I threw something in the direction of my XH once when he was ranting at me and wouldn't let up. It wasn't meant to connect and wasn't something that would have injured him if it had.

I like to think my impulse control has improved since then.

Funnily enough that’s exactly the insult my dad would use when called out on his throwing tantrums. He was just a helpless ikkle man being driven to destroying everything around him in unhinged rage when he couldn’t get his own way, but oh everyone else who doesn’t act like a fucking lunatic is sooooo perfect.

Almost like there’s a party line for bullies and abusers who have zero self awareness
🤭🤭

Yup. My dad was the same.
It's your (mum's) fault I got so angry I punched a hole in the plasterboard.
It's your (sister's) fault I kicked a hole in your door
It's your (mum's) fault I threw my plate at your head.
I had to hit you (me) with my belt because you told lies
Can't help getting angry. I'm only human. 🤷 We can't all be angels.

He used to do ridiculous bows at my mum while saying she's so perfect, her family is so perfect, he's so sorry he can't be perfect like them.

@IncompleteSenten word for word.
To this day as soon as anyone - even grandchildren! - remark on his behaviour the ‘sorry I’m not perfect like you’ stuff is trotted out.

Its quite something to see a bent over old man being called out by a 7 year old for tantruming - now he’s old he can’t throw so much but will literally hop on one leg whilst biting his tongue & waving his arms - and still managing to make himself look even more ridiculous by telling a 7 child ‘oh you must be so perfect’ and thinking that’s normal!

Not since puberty.

It's pathetic isn't it? It's so manipulative. And so abusive to talk like that to a child. Or anyone.

Terrifying as a child though. My dad used to grit his teeth and talk through them with a grimace. It was awful. He'd get right in your face and bare his clenched shut teeth and talk really slowly and in a low voice.

His shouting was far less frightening than that. Shouting you could just tune out. In later years he'd hit himself on the head which by then was, I can't describe it, I'd watch him and feel contempt I guess. In the end you're just numb to it.

Made me determined to be a better parent myself though.

Never, can't even remember the last argument we had.

No. For various reasons, not because I haven't wanted to!
I don't like the feeling of being out of control
When I was younger I didn't have enough money to replace things that were broken
I didn't want to have to clean up the mess

Yes I have.

I found out that my husband was cheating on me with a work friend (we all work in the same place) when I was in hospital for months on end after complications from cancer and chemo.

I live on a market town high street and I opened the window and threw every item of his outside. We have fence so nothing landed on anyone.

It was pissing with rain and I took great pride in people watching as he clambered his things together into a bin bag in the pissing rain.

No, I'm not violent, or abusive, or a bully.

Nope never at a person. I once threw a mug into the sink after a row and it broke and made a huge mess. I realised the relationship was toxic at that point

Yeah a few times but not in a long time, last time was when I was around 21. We all have different ways of expressing our anger. Some are deemed socially acceptable and some are not. I believe passive aggression, silent treatment, withdrawing affection etc are on par with, if not worse than shouting and throwing. The former is just more calculated.