Boyfriend of 2 years has just admitted to sleeping with a prostitute a few months before we met

[MaryMitchell777]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and truly believed he is the love of my life. He has just admitted to sleeping with a prostitute in the UK 3 or so months before we met. This was the only time he has and he says he wouldn’t do it ever again and obviously hasn’t cheated or anything whilst we’ve been together. He says he was extremely drunk, not that it’s an excuse, and disappeared off after the night out and slept with a prostitute, then returned to the hotel room he was staying with his friends . I have always felt so safe and secure with his loyalty in our relationship that I feel completely blind sided by not knowing this this whole time. I feel like I don’t know him when he’s been my best friend and I’ve planned and envisioned my whole life with him. Because of other people the topic had come up multiple times in our relationship and he had lied that he never had so there’s also this element of distrust. I understand him lying, as I see this as a huge deal breaker so to an extent can get why he would hide this embarrassing thing. It being not long before we met makes it extra hard cause I’ll never know if he’d repeat the mistake. But I don’t know if I should be getting over this and seeing it as a mistake in his past. If only he’d never done it…

For sure, but I guess opinion does come into it. In my opinion sleeping with a prostitute (providing there’s no violence, rape, etc.) isn’t so heinous a crime that the perpetrator is automatically an appalling person. Weak-willed, maybe. Troubled, maybe. But not necessarily appalling.

@TheBerry

For sure, but I guess opinion does come into it. In my opinion sleeping with a prostitute (providing there’s no violence, rape, etc.) isn’t so heinous a crime that the perpetrator is automatically an appalling person. Weak-willed, maybe. Troubled, maybe. But not necessarily appalling.

I think that a key issue though is that a punter cannot possibly know if a sex worker is abused, coerced, trafficked etc.

There is no way for him to know that for sure, which means he is looking another human being in the eye and being comfortable with the fact that he might be contributing to her being repeatedly raped and abused. He is willing to take that risk in order to gain sexual gratification on demand.

I think that's pretty appalling.

You could argue that when you eat a chicken you KNOW it’s been abused. (General you, I know you personally are vegan).

Even free-range chickens are shipped off to abattoirs, hung upside down, often breaking their legs, then electrocuted.

I understand what you’re saying about abuse against humans being worse than abuse against animals, but that’s a matter of perspective (and an example of speciesism, which is the most prevalent -ism imo). The chicken doesn’t want to die or suffer any more than the person does.

So whether you think the guy who sleeps with a potentially exploited sex worker is worse than a person who eats an almost certainly abused chicken is really a matter of personal opinion, I suppose.

I used to do a very male oriented sport and it is very common sadly, men rarely admit it but it happens daily.

This. It’s a personal choice for you. I couldn’t be with somebody who had used a prostitute, I find the whole thing so off putting and ungentlemanly.

Very clearly said. Thank you.

There's something weird about the way he describes it.
Like when he got drunk, he suddenly had the compulsion to ditch his mates, source a sex worker (that he's never attempted to do previously) and sleep with them (or more than one of them?) and sneak back to his pals?
It says something about his judgement when drunk, and his willingness to sneak around.
But I guess he didn't have to tell you, so maybe it was a one off.
I'd take it as a bot of a black mark against his character though.

@MaryMitchell777 This. This, This!