Am I being a brat

[Justamomof1]

hi mumsnet
my partner of 4 years (fiancé) and I live in different towns, he has children from a previous relationship 3 to be exact. They are quite young 5-6-10. I don’t see my finance offen as I work but he doesn’t. I have only met the kids 2x. I’m not really invited into their family events including his sisters wedding that I wasn’t invited to.. was unsure why as he has never introduced me to any of his family. It’s my birthday at the end of the month and it’s also his weekend to have the children. Am I wrong for feeling like I don’t matter, he said there’s nothing he can do ‘what do I expect him to drop his kids’
so it looks like I’m spending it alone at home. It was a similar thing when I found out I lost my baby he was with the kids. How can I make this relationship work when I’m constantly put on the back seat and it’s frustrating because he doesn’t even acknowledge that this is affecting me. Am I a brat for wanting to see my fiancé on my birthday

Well according to him he believes that he goes above and beyond for me. I just truly resent him, and I’m beginning to resent his kids and his kids mum. It seems I’m always left comparing myself to her aswell. Why does he run to her demands but won’t even come to our baby’s scan (which I sadly lost at 18 weeks) I’m full or rage and resentment. I got blocked the day after I miscarried because I got mad because he wouldn’t get a taxi down to come be with me. This is supposed to be my fiancé
it’s a joke and I feel stupid for tolerating it as long as I have

I just truly resent him, and I’m beginning to resent his kids and his kids mum.

Put the anger where it's needed, firmly on him. If SM makes you happy, reactivate the accounts. Plan something really great for your birthday.

And DUMP THE FUCKER.

Yeah, his kids mum has another partner. But he is always cagey with his phone. The more I write this down the more certain I am that I have been played. What I don’t understand tho is why would he bother with me if he was just stringing me along the whole time.

Please know your worth 🙏🏻

I would never normally say this but girl you need to leave that man.

So he left his ex with a 1 yo, 2yo and 6yo, doesn't work, doesn't drive and is bloody horrible to you. Surely you know you deserve more than that?!

Fucking helll. he blocked you the day after you lost your baby. He doesn't love you OP, I'm really sorry but he doesn't.

This isn't a healthy relationship. Why the hell are you planning on marrying a man who's life you're really part of, you ignored you for days if you dare to tell him how you feel and who clearly doesn't see you as that important to him.

Youre a convenience for when hes nothing on...get rid of him...hes compartmentalized you..4 years..ample time for you to be involved in his life and family....unless hes hiding something

OP .... Look up the freedom programme...i think youll benefit

I got blocked the day after I miscarried because I got mad because he wouldn’t get a taxi down to come be with me
Get rid of him, he's only going to upset you, leave you unsupported and will steal your self esteem. He's a nasty excuse for a human being. Go find someone who will support you and make you feel happy and appreciated.

Dump him OP! You could do so much better! You deserve a partner who actually makes an effort and wants to spend time with you, he sounds crap, don’t tie yourself to these loser specimen

I'd say don't marry this guy but that's not even an option - he won't marry you. Just drop him and his drama, it sounds like he brings nothing to the table and has a personality of a 2yo.

If I were in your position I'd just play his game and block him - and then never unblock him

because you're the OW, and probably not even to his ex but to another girlfriend he has.

He needs someone to support him, he'a not going to do that himself

Why are accepting this?
This isn't a relationship. Its a nightmare.

Just leave.

LTB seriously you will meet someone much better

Anyone could waste their whole lives fretting over WHY weird people do weird stuff. Most often, the answer's simply "because they can".

You said you were an Insta model when you met. It sounds like you were a major catch for him - well above his pay grade - and maybe he gets a kick out of having brought you down, keeping you in your place, that sort of crap. It really isn't worth analysing!

What's important is that you have now woken up and seen what giving your affections to this twat has done to your life. Get him out of it! Gather up your shredded confidence and dreams, treat yourself with the love and care you deserve, and start living again.

You have been played. He's cagey about things because he has something to hide. Please LTB. He's not worth your time.

Op, you know this isn't right. Keep talking, it helps with clarity.
It sounds like he's still with his ex.

Dump and block him. Do not let him abuse you into staying in the "relationship".

Chin up, shoulders back, chest out. You've got this 💪

Maybe a shag? Maybe he can't be bothered with the drama of ending it

He doesn't love or respect you, that's for sure

Is he the guy who was looking at schools for the kids with his "ex" while you were in hospital?
Let your birthday present to yourself be dumping this guy.

@Justamomof1 - how can we help you lose this awful man and find yourself again? A good partner supports you as you grow and flourish; they don’t suck the life out of you and turn you into a shadow of your former self. He sounds vile and I felt quite sick reading your description of him. Have you had therapy? You might also find Women Who Love Too Much a useful read.

And it’s irrelevant why he keeps you on the back burner. This is not a man you would want even as a committed partner because he sounds like a waste of time and space.

Block him, get out and about and see your friends. There is so much more to your life than your supposed fiancé who is taking the piss totally. Block him on email and social media too.

if possible, can you change your address so he cannot reconnect with you in any way.

You’re engaged to a man you don’t even live with and whose children you have met just twice in four years. Is this a joke post?

he doesn’t work, you’ve nit his family and you’re planning on marrying him when you don’t even know his children.

get some self respect and move on

What happens at Christmas? His birthday? Valentines day? The answer to those questions is going to tell you a lot about where you sit in his life and if, like some of us are saying, you're the other woman.
I think you are.
He sees you once every 3 weeks you don't know his family met his kids twice in 4 years and he blocks you and doesn't reply to you..