My partner and I have been together just over a year now. We're having serious future talks, one of which involves us finding a place together next year once I graduate University.
Very suddenly however, I'm having serious doubts due to his aggressive approach to conflict.
Over our relationship, he's gotten into a serious fist fight with his friend due to him criticizing (relentlessly, in my opinion) his friend's girlfriend, he's landed in hospital after a bar fight (he was punched up, didn't have the chance to swing at all), has choked me in response to me teasing him while we were at a friend's 21st (I checked for bruising the day after, luckily it wasn't that severe), and during the last outing a couple months ago the following occurred:
We were leaving the bar as it was closing with his mate. The same mate he had a fist fight with, and this time they were arguing over the same bloody subject. My boyfriend not liking his girlfriend. They were getting quite heated, so I tapped my boyfriend on the shoulder and asked him to calm down, but he shoved me aside, ignoring me. Frustrated, and drunk, I approached again and sternly began to tell him to calm down, but he again shoved me and told me to go away.
Note; he's a big man. He regularly lifts weights, and his shoves had me stumble. I was fearful when he choked me, because his arm was large enough to painfully squeeze my entire throat.
I stood by the bar's wall waiting for them to finish their conversation. We weren't in a particularly nice part of town, so two drunk men approached me and began chatting me up. I made eye contact with my boyfriend, but he left it be. I was trying to politely turn down their asking that I join them to a party down the block, when a drunk man approached my boyfriend and his mate, and asked if he could use the bathroom inside the bar.
Instead of telling him he can't, that the bar is closed, my boyfriend told him to "fuck off". The man stepped up to him, and again my boyfriend stepped up to him, shoved him, and told him to fuck off. This lead to a fist fight, my large boyfriend, his tall mate, and this young, lanky man.
I yelled at them to cut it out, and when they flat out ignored me, I felt disgusted and walked off to find a quite space to book an uber home.
Boyfriend and his friend lay the man onto the ground, then ran after me. My boyfriend had a panic attack from seeing me walk off. I'm used to helping people during panic attacks, as I lost my sister a year ago in a car accident and our little sister frequently has panic attacks when traumatic memories from the hospital come back to her. Once my boyfriend was calmed, I got us home, and had a serious conversation with him. I don't want to be with a violent man, and our relationship will be damned if I'm that foolish girlfriend yelling for her boyfriend to stop punching someone up. He said his sorries, and said that to solve the issue, we wouldn't go out together again. I wasn't happy with the solution, but it's what we both agreed on.
Cut to now. In a few days we're going out for a friend's birthday. We'll play pub golf, which will involve downing nine drinks. I've been quietly dreading it.
Every time he brings it up, he talks about how he's most definitely going to end up in a fist fight with one of the blokes going with our group. Why? He stated that when drunk, his friend teases him relentlessly, and in response, my boyfriend will absolutely throw his fists. He claims this is unavoidable, and simply how he is.
It was him confirming that that made the alarm bells from his previous altercations flare up for me. When we have our first fight, drunk and pissed off, when I'm pushing his buttons and he's pushing mine, what will he do?
I need to hear some opinions. I've decided that if this inevitable fight actually does happen, I will go home. He claims I'm being unreasonable for this, and that I have to understand why it's fine. I'm torn up and dejected, but I will not be with a man immature enough, dangerous enough, to hurt his friends, myself, and strangers over things such as teasing and a f*cking bathroom.
Thoughts?