‘D’P gave me an sti

[Absolutelyfuming]

Names changed for this but just that ‘D’P lied about a lesion being a cold sore and passed it on to me but rather than having it orally I now have it genitally.

Ive had antibody tests so this was confirmed as a primary outbreak without question.

He claims he didn’t know it could be passed on this way.

The physical pain is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

Technically you can get both types but not in the same place. You could get type one on the face and type two on the genitals or vice versa but if you already have type one on the genitals you're safer ironically as you won't get type 2 genitally which is much worse, and is rare to get on the face

@MiltonNorthern I didn’t know this. I also thought you can be infected with both types in the same region but you can’t be infected the same strain in both regions.

I always though not also!

This thread is been very helpful with information sharing and I’m so grateful to everyone who had so kindly contributed

Dh has the herpes simplex virus but only gets cold sores on his face when he's stressed. I was always told the facial one can't turn into the genital one.

You can contract the facial one( type 1 ) on your genitals. Just as OP has

Unless you meant he can’t develop it on genitals as his outbreak location is the face which is true, but you could still contract it from him on your genitals!

@ohthejoys21 no hsv 1 (traditionally oral) can’t turn into hsv 2 but genitals can be infected with hsv 1.

Also, the virus live either in the oral or genital region is doesn’t travel if that’s what you mean?

cross posted, yes this is exactly what happened to me, so if you do not have whatever strain your DH has on his mouth - most likely hsv 1 you are at risk of contracting orally or genitally but it will be contained only to the area of primary transmission.

that much I do know!

That's absolutely not true. Most people will encounter a type of HPV (there's at least 120) - some cause warts etc, others cancer, some cold sores, but only a sub-set of the population will encounter each one - in your case it was a genital HPV strain.

I do agree that caution needs to be taken when directing blame though as HPV is a friggin mind field and we're still unsure about it's dormancy etc

You mean HSV? Herpes Simplex virus?
HPV is the human papilloma virus teens are being vaccinated against now that is linked to increased risk of cervical cancer

@Inaspot21 oh my days yes, what am I chatting about. 🤣 Thanks for the correction. 😊

I'd be absolutely fucking furious and dump the lying bastard

I've had HSV for best part of 50 years, mine are always on my legs, I've had a couple that were over an inch in diameter, great hideous weeping things, absolute agony. I've been married for 44 years now and have managed to not pass them on to my husband . I can usually spot them well before they break out, often if I've been especially stressed or under the weather. I used to get an outbreak several times a year but its once in a blue moon now. Not something I generally discuss with ANYONE IRL

I haven't commented on your partner in my PP but would just like to add the following. He could have been telling you the truth about not realising that cold sores can lead to genital herpes, unfortunately not everyone knows this (lack of knowledge already shown in this thread) as we don't openly talk about STIs, so that could be true. However he shouldn't have lied about ever getting coldsores, if he does. Did he actually get a proper cold sore after the event, you said it looked like a burn? The only reason I ask is that HSV1 or 2 can lie dormant in your body for YEARS before the primary outbreak, as was the case with me.

@mydrivingisterrible

That's absolutely not true. Most people will encounter a type of HPV (there's at least 120) - some cause warts etc, others cancer, some cold sores, but only a sub-set of the population will encounter each one - in your case it was a genital HPV strain.

I do agree that caution needs to be taken when directing blame though as HPV is a friggin mind field and we're still unsure about it's dormancy etc

You are confused. Warts are HPV. Herpes/cold sores are HSV

THEY ARE NOT THE SAME VIRUS

HPV (warts) are very common. Approximately 80% in people under 45
HSV (herpes) are common but significantly less so. 65% under 50

The OPs outbreak is not HPV. It is HSV

^This.

He's an irresponsible, uncaring dickhead to have done this to you - and then just make up a big bunch of lies and excuses about it. Why would you even stay with him...

I have HSV2 on my skin (weirdly not my genitals) and it is a right pain because it recurs so frequently. But HSV2 is far worse for recurrences than HSV1. My saving grace is Valacyclovir (Valtrex). It's expensive but I take it every day and since then I've not had any outbreaks. I've been with dp and he already got cold sores on his mouth before I met him. I've never passed HSV2 to him despite having it quite badly. The Valtrex also helps with that.

I can't tolerate the oral acyclovir but if you can, I would definitely take it. They tend not to prescribe it unless you have multiple outbreaks in quick succession but if it's upsetting you and is super painful, I would ask them for it anyway as it really makes you feel so much better not worrying about getting outbreaks

And name change was for the Red Bull thread and Christian Horner - nothing to do with this :)

I would really focus on your health now. I found my periods triggered it and too much sun. It's worth seeing whether you can figure out if something is affecting you like that - but fingers crossed it's HSV1 and it doesn't recur too often x

I guess it was risky if you saw he had something on his lip and went ahead with oral sex. Just remember when this bout is over it can come back at anytime (outbreak won’t be as severe) so you will have to be careful about passing it on too all your life

Yes, but also you can go years between outbreaks and the chance of passing it on when asymptomatic is very low. Also 75% of adults carry the HSV1 virus already with 50% being asymptomatic all their lives so it's really not that big a deal.

@Zanatdy i feel like you’re saying I’m responsible for believing him. That’s not helpful as I asked him if it was anything like that. Please don’t make me feel worse by saying I should have been more careful as I was as much as I could be. I asked him at the time. He lied.

I'm so sorry OP. I'm not sure I could get over that. He knew he had a Coldsore or at least the probability of one so he absolutely shouldn't have gone down on you. All he needed to say was we better not have oral just in case. I get facial coldsores and if I feel even the slightest tingle that one might be on its way I will not go down on DH, you have to be really careful. I hope you're feeling better soon.

did he have an obvious lesion on his lip at the time? If so then I would be wary as cold sores are quite distinctive looking. He shouldn’t have done it, it’s his fault but if you meant you’d asked him what it was at that time and still went ahead then I think that was a bit reckless. If you meant you’d asked him about it another time and he didn’t have anything on his lip at the time of the oral sex that’s different.