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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Colleague following me

65 replies

Namechange0803 · 05/03/2024 18:45

So, I have a work colleague who I think follows me at work - as in he may look at my schedule to see where I am. I often find him outside of rooms as I'm leaving them/getting out. If it makes sense. He doesn't make it look obvious but it's too common to be coincidental.

He also compliments me every time he sees me i.e. "you always look very nice". Today, a work friend said she liked my blouse, and then as soon as she left and we were alone he said: "See, exactly what I told you earlier" with a smile on his face.

I find that he tries so hard to engage in conversations and comes for a chat whenever I'm sitting alone. I'm shy and not talkative so I sometimes feel pressured to engage or think of things to say.

This has been going on for weeks now. He is lovely and polite. He asks about Dc which I think is caring.

Does he fancy me?

OP posts:
FUBAR77 · 05/03/2024 18:51

Can’t you restrict your diary, mine only shows ‘busy’ to everyone except those I’ve chosen to share it with?

Namechange0803 · 05/03/2024 18:54

FUBAR77 · 05/03/2024 18:51

Can’t you restrict your diary, mine only shows ‘busy’ to everyone except those I’ve chosen to share it with?

No, unfortunately this is not possible due to the system used by the organisation.

OP posts:
NotMyFinestMoment · 05/03/2024 18:55

Yes he definitely sounds like he's got the hots for you.

pleasecallmeback · 05/03/2024 18:55

Do you like him, or do you feel intimidated by his interest in you?

DontWasteMyTime · 05/03/2024 18:56

It sounds as though he likes you. Do you like him though?

Hatty65 · 05/03/2024 18:57

I think he sounds like he's keen on you - but this would make me uncomfortable. Are you interested in him, or feeling ambushed and not interested?

Namechange0803 · 05/03/2024 18:59

pleasecallmeback · 05/03/2024 18:55

Do you like him, or do you feel intimidated by his interest in you?

Not intimated as such but I just don't like the effort I have to make to engage in conversations.

I also feel he's too interested in me and I'm starting to not be myself around him.

OP posts:
Peekaboobo · 05/03/2024 19:00

I think he's just being friendly as opposed to fancying you.

Namechange0803 · 05/03/2024 19:02

Hatty65 · 05/03/2024 18:57

I think he sounds like he's keen on you - but this would make me uncomfortable. Are you interested in him, or feeling ambushed and not interested?

He is attractive and seems like a nice person. He's also very calm which I like.

I have a very busy life as a single parent and not in a position to date. But, receptive to the idea of being friends.

OP posts:
CharmedCult · 05/03/2024 19:03

Monitoring a colleagues diary so that you can place yourself in their vicinity at any opportunity is not appropriate workplace behaviour.

He sounds quite creepy and it's clearly making you feel uncomfortable.

Mummame222 · 05/03/2024 19:04

Sounds creepy asf. I would be quite cold towards him tbh and hope he got the picture.

purplecorkheart · 05/03/2024 19:06

I am a bit surprised at the responses here. This screams red flags to me. This is inappropriate behaviour in a workplace to me. I would be very wary of entering a relationship (friendship or otherwise with him). What happens if you become friends and then you decide to step back from the friendship, is he still going to follow you around or is it going to keep happening?

FortofPud · 05/03/2024 19:06

I wouldn't mind him being interested but the hanging around rooms and engineering bumping into you is weirdo territory. I'm not sure what the right thing to do is, but I don't think it can be ignored either. If it can be nipped in the bud somehow that would be ideal. I don't think friends is a good idea as thats probably just fuel to the fire.

Namechange0803 · 05/03/2024 19:07

purplecorkheart · 05/03/2024 19:06

I am a bit surprised at the responses here. This screams red flags to me. This is inappropriate behaviour in a workplace to me. I would be very wary of entering a relationship (friendship or otherwise with him). What happens if you become friends and then you decide to step back from the friendship, is he still going to follow you around or is it going to keep happening?

Thank you. I didn't of this at all.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 05/03/2024 19:08

Creepy stalkerish behaviour OP

Ilovemyshed · 05/03/2024 19:10

Its a bit creepy. Maybe say "oh you again, are you following me?!" In a lighthearted way.

Namechange0803 · 05/03/2024 19:13

Ilovemyshed · 05/03/2024 19:10

Its a bit creepy. Maybe say "oh you again, are you following me?!" In a lighthearted way.

I would love to be able to say this but I'm so reserved, shy and timid. I could never.😣

OP posts:
ThisHonestQuail · 05/03/2024 19:14

It’s very creepy and not normal.

Olika · 05/03/2024 19:42

I don't like what he is doing. It's creepy.

TheOccupier · 05/03/2024 19:46

Creepy and inappropriate behaviour, and likely to escalate.

What calendar system do you use that can't be made private? Can you make individual appointments private?

NotQuiteNorma · 05/03/2024 19:47

Well of course, nobody on here ever met their DP through work because they saw each other around a lot. Ooh no, they are all spinsters on here.....

twingiraffes · 05/03/2024 19:50

Namechange0803 · 05/03/2024 19:02

He is attractive and seems like a nice person. He's also very calm which I like.

I have a very busy life as a single parent and not in a position to date. But, receptive to the idea of being friends.

I don't think it is 'being friends' he is after, and because you are meekly taking it and not telling him to back off, he is pushing more and more.

Oh yeah, and I expect he is probably not single.

Is he a colleague at the same level as you, or more senior?

BurrosTail · 05/03/2024 19:55

Ah well I did this as a school girl aged 14-15, not v appropriate for adults but it does sound like he’s got a big crush on you. Be vigilant for any controllive signs, he should have grown out of this.

Deathbyfluffy · 05/03/2024 19:58

How do you know he's looking at your diary?
It could just be co incidence, but if you are concerned then you need to raise it with either your line manager or HR.

Namechange0803 · 05/03/2024 20:03

twingiraffes · 05/03/2024 19:50

I don't think it is 'being friends' he is after, and because you are meekly taking it and not telling him to back off, he is pushing more and more.

Oh yeah, and I expect he is probably not single.

Is he a colleague at the same level as you, or more senior?

It seems that way. I'm a people pleaser so I just go along with the conversations. I should really be more firm.

I don't know if he is or isn't single. I've not known him for a long. I usually find excuses to leave the room to avoid things getting to personal.

We have similar jobs although he's been at the organisation for a lot longer than I have. Him 14 years and me a year and a half.

He also looks a bit older, although not sure exactly how old.

OP posts: