I'm in an abusive relationship, I'm trying to leave, he's covering his arse

[1970sS9fa]

I want out of this relationship, there's no love or affection
He's verbally abusive, once threatened violence
Four years, no DC, live separately
I've made a break four weeks ago, He's done all his old tricks of trying to blame me
Big over-the-phone bust up today where he accused me of all sorts because I went out with a couple of friends last night
Now He's sending me dozens of texts accusing me of stuff I haven't done, He's covering his arse to make out I'm doing something I'm not
He's a "pillar of the community" well-respected, incredibly popular man, no one will believe me if I said what he does
I'm scared of what he's going to do

You've ended it so why haven't you blocked him from being able to contact you?

Block him on everything.

Exactly this.
What is he claiming you have done and who would care scout it now you have split up? Do you have a lot of friends in common?

Honestly op people will know the real him. Just block him. You really don't answer to him...

Block him. If you feel threatened contact the police and show them his messages. What are you scared of what he might do?

Remember it doesn't actually matter what anyone else thinks. What matters is that you are out of this relationship and moving on.

If you are scared what he'll do, what do you think that might be? Make sure you're somewhere safe. Keep a record of his communications up to now and then block him.

' trying to leave ' in the title
' made a break ' in the post

which is it - are you still living with him ?

no children

are you married ?

Try and make a log of every type of abusive behaviour. Seeing it all written down will help you see how bad what he’s done is. It’s also something you can pass on to police if necessary.
Get some advice from charities like Women’s Aid. They will be able to reassure you that the tactics he’s using at the moment are typical and hopefully give you strategies to cope with them.
As other suggest, block him and if he then tries to find you, and you’re scared, call the police.

Tell him it’s over and block him on all modes of communication. Done.

Thank you for your really quick replies
I've not blocked him yet because I want to know what avenue he's going down so I can prepare and make sure I'm safe.
He's claiming that when I left his house, another man picked me up, so the implication is, I've been seeing someone else. Nope. I walked around the corner and got a taxi home.
No mutual friends.
I'm scared because he has a certain amount of power locally

Block him and ignore

You don’t owe him anything

Send him one last message saying you have screenshot and saved all his threats and you will be logging it with the domestic violence unit at the police station. Then block him from all ways of contacting you.

This 100%

And tell someone what is happening… who cares if he says your cheating your not so he can get stuffed … block him and if scared call the police

He's in the police
I can't go down that route

Call Women’s aid and tell them then and yes you can still contact the police even more reason to do so

Who cares what anybody else thinks ?
Just get away from him and block.
What's the worst he can do ?
If you're worried for your safety contact the police.
If you have joint property contact a solicitor.
If you have joint bank account set up your own and take what's yours.

I've made a break four weeks ago, He's done all his old tricks of trying to blame me

It doesn't matter what he blames you for. You aren't obliged to listen to it or to take it on board. You aren't trying to work at the relationship, it's over, so it should be of no consequence to you what he thinks, or where any blame should lie. You don't make one another happy. You've broken up for good. The end.

He's covering his arse to make out I'm doing something I'm not

Covering his arse how, and to whom? Again, it really doesn't matter what he's 'making you out to be.' He's hurt and angry and thinks you are being unfair so obviously he's going to vent. But you really don't need to give him your full attention while he does it. Just stop engaging.

Yes you absolutely can, and you must.

In the Police and Well Respected doesn't really go together these days.

He's not invincible. He's just another abusive bloke - and these days, they're a little touchy about the reputation they've earned for being domestic abusers (on top of everything else), so far more end up in court.

Thank you xx
I felt strong enough to leave when I did, now, he's getting retribution by accusing me of things I haven't done - yep, to his friends, who mean nothing
And now, I've had around 20 texts, I've not read any, I know he's going to do something and if I call the police, they won't take me seriously as he's got a lot of power there

What sort of ‘power’ has he got? Is he Chief Constable or an MP or something?

Sorry, just read your update

Talk to Women's Aid and ask your GP to refer you to counselling and also the locally run DA service for support.

Document anything he says or does in a diary, and screenshot all texts. Text him once last time to tell him to stop harassing you and then block.

He might be in the police but you can still go to a different area to report him, ie go to the next town over. Remember, it doesn't matter if he tells everyone you cheated. It's nasty of him but it's not going to get you sacked, or lose your home, or block you from the supermarket. You can do this

EDIT - can you ask a friend to read those texts? If they are threatening she can screenshot them so you have further proof (plus she's a witness). If it's just wah wah wah you're a cheater then it might help you mentally to know it's just that.

my ex was the extraverted people's person and I was an undiagnosed autistic person that struggled being social.

He found it easy to make me the bad guy and started when he met someone new while we were together but no one new about her.

I was controlling, evil and most importantly a liar and everyone ate it up because he started slow and amped it up gradually pouring the poison in people's ears and I didn't tell anyone my side or stick up for myself.

The chances are you will lose people and people will believe him and it will be hard but it's another hurdle of being with someone like that. Trust me if you can survive a relationship with him you can survive the aftermath and it does die down eventually.

You are left with less people around you but the people left are the ones that matter

There has been alot of links with people being abusive to partners and working for the police so I'd like to think there is a certain way to go about getting help? hopefully