I'm in an abusive relationship, I'm trying to leave, he's covering his arse

[1970sS9fa]

I want out of this relationship, there's no love or affection
He's verbally abusive, once threatened violence
Four years, no DC, live separately
I've made a break four weeks ago, He's done all his old tricks of trying to blame me
Big over-the-phone bust up today where he accused me of all sorts because I went out with a couple of friends last night
Now He's sending me dozens of texts accusing me of stuff I haven't done, He's covering his arse to make out I'm doing something I'm not
He's a "pillar of the community" well-respected, incredibly popular man, no one will believe me if I said what he does
I'm scared of what he's going to do

I'm embarrassed to ask my friend to read the texts, I know I need to get over this and she'll be horrified

Thank you, this is a mirror image of everything right now

You can either send him a text saying you want no further contact and report it to 101, if he messages you after this and you have evidence to show you want no more to do with him by keeping the texts, then it will count as harassment and he should be arrested and charged.
If he makes no further contact, you still have it documented.
Or just block him, you have no ties to him so just ignore everything else like his so called power.

The Police do have a higher up referral body - I am sure someone else will give the right name, so yes you CAN take it to the Police, whether it be a different town / City or a different County. But yes you can.

I've not blocked him yet because I want to know what avenue he's going down so I can prepare and make sure I'm safe.

What do you mean by this comment?

Another poster said: I was controlling, evil and most importantly a liar and everyone ate it up because he started slow and amped it up gradually pouring the poison in people's ears and I didn't tell anyone my side or stick up for myself.

The chances are you will lose people and people will believe him and it will be hard but it's another hurdle of being with someone like that.

And you replied: this is a mirror image of everything right now.

But you also said you have no mutual friends. So how many people are there to suck up his side of the story anyway, and why do you care if they are nothing to you? More to the point, why after four years do you have no mutual friends? Especially as he is apparently such an 'incredibly popular' man.

Does he keep you at arm's length from his social group? Do you have a decent social life of your own?

Thank you
If another MNtter can Find their name, I'll do this
I don't feel safe reporting it locally and he's told me to this effect

The police have a really bad reputation at the moment and no one will be surprised there is another abusive bully working for them who is abusing their position. Like pp say report to another station or the police authorities. These people have to be stopped.

Honestly Op I would block him so you don’t have to listen to any more nonsense. So let’s assume he does go and tell his friends lies, like you left with another man. So what? Hardly illegal even if it were true. By assuming that stuff matters you’re giving him more power.

So what? So what if a lorry load of men picked you up? What’s it hot to do with him? Block him.

What will you be referring to the higher body?
It doesn’t work that way, that is a complaints system and at the minute you can not complain about police inaction as you have had no official contact.
There is the IOPC which deal with complaints against police who act in their police capacity but each force has an internal complaints system called Professional Standards Department.
If you ring 101, the incident will be created and supervisors of the area you live will be made aware, you may want to do this at a time when he wouldn’t be at work so that the people he works with are not in to see/hear about it just yet.

Google 'police professional standards' and the county/force he is in. Then ring them and explain.

I'm scared because he has a certain amount of power locally.

Him being a police officer doesn't make him infallible. First off, definitely block him. If his behaviour then escalates, make a complaint to his superiors. Police forces have received a lot of public criticism lately for not taking action against officers accused of violence/coercive behaviour against their partners. You are far more likely to be taken seriously now. Make sure you tell them that he also threatened you with reporting him locally.

Well in London any officer who has had a previous domestic allegation is being re-investigated ( or a great deal are in any event). My colleague was investigated by his local force and even though they took no further action he’s being re investigated. You don’t say if he’s a police officer or civilian member of staff but you could also contact the Professional Standards unit. As for him I would say “ I don’t wish to have any further contact with you. I consider any further contact from this point as harassment “. I wouldn’t get into any conversation with him about reporting him but I definitely would report him if he continued. Ultimately it makes no difference if you were picked up by a taxi, another man or a whole football team - it’s nothing to do with him. You haven’t done anything. I would block him after that message - he would have to be an absolute moron to continue contacting you in the current climate (but he could of course be a complete moron so take screen shots and tell a friend )

you could contact your local Police and Crime Commissioner (assuming it isnt him)

You absolutely can. Start with Women's Aid, but you need a restraining order. I've seen DA agencies take on abusers that are serving officers. He doesn't have the power he wants you to think he has. Block him and keep all his messages .

I've blocked him, that comes with consequences that I'm fully prepared to face

If I send on text (WhatsApp), if i tell him to stop contacting me, and he persists, what then?

In the current climate of so many officers being investigated and found guilty of this type of behaviour and worse I expect they will take you seriously. He knows this and is hoping you don't have the strength to do it. Do it. Not just for yourself but to protect the next woman he tries to treat like this too.

The most important tool I used and made the biggest impact was grey rock so please look that up and give it a good try. I seen an improvement fairly quickly with only slight slip ups here and there.

He will find a new target if he's not getting the reaction he needs from you and will quickly find someone new. It's not easy when someone knows you so well and knows exactly how to hurt you but it's what worked for me.

If he continues see my post above.
He will then have no defence to harassment as he will be unable to say he was unaware you wanted no further from him, you will have proof of his awareness through your messages.

Call your local police station, ask to speak to female officer

This makes chilling reading.

Sorry OP that you are going through this. I don't have any advice, just a hand hold, and I know that other posters will be helping you, and many already are.

Stop engaging with him, block his number and move on with your life.

If he continues report him to wattsapp, block him on wattsapp, you can speak with citizens advice about civil court action if you don't feel safe reporting him to the police, can a solicitor send a cease and desist letter, the police should take it seriously though and are failing in their duty if they ignore you or put you in danger. Showing a trusted family or friend his texts will help and empower you. He's a sad little bully who just happens to be a police officer, nothing more, he has no power.

Absolutely this - inform the Police and keep your wits about you. I hate men like this - take care OP 🌸🌼

This.

Talk to a different force. They'll understand.

Make that call. You'll not regret it.