How many times did a boyfriend tell you "my ex is crazy"....

[Onehouratatime]

Just out of interest
Have you ever had a partner who claimed his ex was "crazy" and then you meet the ex or get to know the ex and his stories don't match up? And he turns out to be the crazy one?

My current situation with exdp. Share your experiences please give me some insight

My DP never insinuated anything like his ex was crazy. He was honest that they no longer got on, but openly admitted they were both at fault. And they seemed to get on amicably enough for a while, with shared contact of the dc. And then...the messages started to me from secret accounts, to emailing him calling me all sorts of horrid names ( to be clear I wasn't an affair partner, I came along years later). And the abuse continues to this day. So I guess, whilst I don't like the word crazy, some are 'unhinged'.

I had an ex who seemed to think ringing his EX wife to get some sort of "reference" on what a good guy he was was normal behaviour.
Translated in my head as getting the new girlfriend to ring the old wife to say hey he has moved on.
I left not long afterwards as his behaviour rapidly grew toxic.

Hi everyone,sometimes they can be crazy ! I’ve now been married 35 years with four children and ten grandchildren to my second wife.My first wife used to go mad at the slightest thing ,like we went to a pub on maybe second date when I went to the bar and saw a ex school friend(a woman)all I said was hi how are you and went back to the table to find she had gone ! I drove up the road and saw her walking on the path so I pulled along side and said what’s going on,at this she jumped in front of the car !(walking pace)luckily I stopped without any problem.She got in the car and started shouting about the woman at the bar,I said she was a old school friend and I had just said hi how are you doing ect(while waiting for our drinks) no long chat as she was with a group of friends.Anyway we were doing about 50mph when she decided to open the car door and try and jump out ! I had to grab her by her hair to stop her.I still married her like a fool,she would explode at the slightest thing,she wound turn the tv over if their was a good looking woman on any program,it came to a head when we went out for a meal with another couple and the other woman with us mentioned she had found a dirty magazine under her boyfriends clothes and laughed about it(this was on the way home in the car) she just opened the door and tried to jump out again! With the other couple horrified in the back seat.I jumped on the brakes and grabbed her(she lost the heal on one of her shoes touching the road)the car door swung forward and nearly fell off(very old mini)we drove them home without a word.The next day the couple called me and said you must get away from her she’s mad !.I did thankfully.So some exs are crazy.Sorry for the long post

My husband has never said anything bad about previous girlfriends

I know someone like it when their partners do it because they have serious 'I win I get the man' issues but it is twisted

But the way a partner talks of an ex will be the way they talk about you one day, in the general you sense

They say slagging of an ex is a red flag, but I am also my boyfriend's ex so I can't take that seriously.

I had one who said she was aggressive etc when drunk, that she banged her head repeatedly off a door in his home, that she tried to jump.out of his moving vehicle, that she hit him, that she threatened to throw herself down his stairs and say he'd hurt her, she damaged his back door kicking it etc etc.

He made her out to be an unstable drunk. Jealous, and fucked up from her childhood/with a dysfunctional family.

Let's just say by the end of the relationship, I acutely understood why a woman would feel driven to bang her head off something around him, why she'd be trying to get out of his moving vehicle, I found out the full story behind why she kicked his back door in frustration trying to get access to his house, and I'm sad to say I can actually understand how someone might end up hitting him.

I'm not sure if the throw herself down stairs and claimed he hurt her story was true or not. Maybe it was.

It didn't change the fact that he was the most pathologically jealous, insecure, possessive, dementor I have ever encountered.

He would rant and rave and accuse and berate until you either cracked or put the phone down/left.
I am not inclined to violence and so never cracked physically, just verbally; but I can understand how someone with a different personality - who drank alcohol (I barely drink) could crack and become physical in the face of that type of torture, ongoing.

He also got the wrong impression re. me reading up on an assault case his friend was prosecuted for; that you could find out about cases like assaults/domestics online (he was the most it illiterate person I've ever met and got myself or his kids to do anything online)

..... When he thought I could look up cases online (I could only do so because it went to court and was reported on by local newspapers) the look that came over his face and his general demeanor was striking. He looked so incredibly uncomfortable and aware of something. I think he thought I was going to find out reports about him with that lady.

my ex has the worst luck in history! literally every ex he has ever had was crazy and most cheated on him

but it goes further than this! all his friends would eventually turn out to be fake and so on

I bet he is still out there, telling people the stories of his crazy ex wife! 😂

Not crazy but ‘toxic’. All ex’s were toxic relationships. Having had him be a cocklodger in my house for 18m, relapse on cocaine and be a commitment phobe - I am now reported as a toxic ex…

I've had four partners in total, including DH, and none of them have said this about their ex. They've all spoken about her/them respectfully. I think it's a bit of a red flag tbh.

I'm sure my ex tells people I'm crazy.

I don't worry about it because they all soon find out what a nutcase he really is.

Well more fool you if you believe him unless she's actually certified. You were told

I dated a few guys in my younger years with ‘crazy exes’ who turned out to be normal women trying to bring up a child with a loser ex who was no use at all.

I learned to avoid men with ‘crazy exes’ in later years, especially men with kids and crazy exes ‘who tried to stop them seeing their child’.

My now DH had mentioned some things his EW had done but he’s a gentleman and didn’t badmouth her. In my mind I came to the conclusion she was batshit.

I’ve seen her twice in 10 years (they have children together).

The first time she was walking down the street with the kids hand in hand shouting expletives including the F word(the kids were about 5 & 8 at the time).

The 2nd time she came over to our house with her new boyfriend (she didn’t like that the daughter had been disciplined for something). They threatened to beat my husband up and wouldn’t calm down. In the end the police had to be called, a panda car first turned up who couldn’t calm them down so a Moria van was called with an additional 6 police officers who hauled them off our door step. They received a caution.

Shes absolutely completely batdhit. These women do exist.

Not just partners but why do people automatically think what others say is 100% accurate? It's weird

I had one who diagnosed is ex as schizophrenic and recorded their phone calls of her screaming and ringing him countless times. It soon became clear he probably drove her to it, he was spiteful, narcissistic and a complete self absorbed bully.

“My ex suffered from bipolar depression and it was a difficult relationship”- it’s unfortunate that people suffer from MH issues, that includes ex’s. Nothing wrong talking about an ex’s health issues and how it affected the relationship.

”My ex is crazy” - mansplaining: “I drove my ex to the edge with my behaviour and refuse to take any accountability for it, she had no mental health issues so I’ll just give you that lazy generic conclusion she’s “crazy” because why else a woman would be angry at me?

And Mother in laws...who are women..

Your insights are so helpful

Everyone says if they have a "crazy" ex it's a red flag. Didn't really experience this till my last ex..makes you think wow.

My ex ex is crazy and a horrible person not because of be just because he is so I was always aware due to my own situation

It suits a lot of insecure women to hear his ex is crazy, rather than he's still crazy about his ex.
I see it as a major red flag, l wouldn't want any part of. I am not here for drama and usually this is said from a man who can't take any self responsibility.

PP is right, if it starts going down that route it seems like drama that I could not be less interested in.

Luckily none of my ex's have had a particularly crazy ex. One had a GF who previously cheated on him, but that only came out after we were probably a year or so into the relationship. If it's a big part of first date conversation then that's a big red flag for me.

Yup - told me how awful his ex wife was, stopping him seeing his kids, emotionally abusing him and generally being bat shit.
She WAS mentally unstable but only because of YEARS of emotional abuse and cheating from him.

When he did the same to me and moved on, I became the crazy ex who was then stalked by his new true love because of how awful I was to her darling man. Big change of tone when he then did the same to her and she wanted me to console her!

Absolute non negotiable red flag now if a man tells me his ex is crazy.

I haven't dated any men with crazy ex's but I have a predominantly male friend group and two of them have ex's who are utterly bonkers.

The first one actually started texting my friend asking about me. She had seen us together and assumed we were dating (we never have been we are purely platonic) then started driving past my house and sending him random descriptions of what I was wearing. She also had been looking through the windows as she would comment on what was in my or his living room eg you moved the blue vase your mum gave you it's not on the fire any more. She cooled down after a few months I'm not sure why.

The second is a close friend of mine who has also dated other close friends of mine and it's all been pretty standard. Then he met this certain woman through work and she was probably an alcoholic (he drinks a fair bit himself but he's not abusive or nasty in any way) and so on paper to start with they seemed a good match. Both loved to party. She was so insecure crazy and demanding she would cause enormous blow out arguments over nothing, blame her mental health, storm out of nightclubs shout at him in the street. I wasn't there for all the gory details but it peaked when they went on holiday together and by the end he decided that he wanted to end the relationship, so she threatened to kill herself, and then cut her arms up in a drunken stupor while they were overseas house sitting. This was the last day and the host came back to find him trying his best to patch her up while she screamed at him and blood everywhere. He said he was mortified and didn't know what to do he was terrified of her getting sectioned overseas to he took her to the airport where she said she wasn't getting on the plane unless they got back together. I don't quite know if he went along with it or what but he got her back to the UK and then broke things off, but she still messages him saying how much she wants children and that she's running out of time. My friend is a bit soft and he can't do no to damsel in distress stuff so she's constantly ringing him asking him to help her with things. He tries to stay at arms length but he feels sorry for her. She also hates me because apparently she also thinks I'm shagging my friend, I'm not, I've known him for over 20 years since school and if we had any interest in eachother we would have explored it by now, but apparently that's not enough of an answer as she hates my fucking guts.

My ex definitely told his gf that I am crazy. He also has informed my bf of this fact, with a glint in his eye and maniacally wagging finger. 😅

He was coercively controlling, manipulative, financially abusive, and generally horrible.

The new gf has joined him in bullying and intimidating me. I kind of think she is a bit crazy, because why would you treat anyone like that even if you thought they were bad in some way?

Me ex husband repeatedly said it about his previous girlfriend when we first met. I later found out that his maternal grandmother was a paranoid schizophrenic. And his abusive father would accuse his mother of being crazy when he treated her badly. I got the impression she was ashamed of her mother and he used this knowledge to manipulate her despite her being perfectly sane. When I left my ex because of the way he abused me, he accused me of being crazy and told others I was. I was in my early 20’s when we met and naive to this trick. I wouldn’t believe any man who quickly told me their ex is crazy now.

My now ex said all his previous partners were crazy. Yep, I've had to get a restraining order against him and I've now turned into another crazy ex.

Funnily enough he hasn't told his new gf about the restraining order lol 🤔