I'm absolutely livid!! DH has gone out for few drinks ..... and wet the bed with me in it!!

[bumblebubble23]

My partner has gone out for few drinks after work, he left around 8pm. He's arrived home at 1am. And come straight to bed. He does drink regularly, not too excessive (ish) but not like to say he isn't a drinker so can't handle it etc. He does however, begin to act like a teenager when he's had a drink and sip way too many pints excessively. This only happens if he goes out. So he goes straight to bed after getting home, I'm in bed asleep then an hour and a half later I wake to a warm sensation on my pjs and the sound of a hosepipe. It took a few attempts to wake him, but when he did he was moody, aggressive took himself away to the bathroom. Repeated phrases like I'm asleep. He hasn't once apologised, if you can imagine he's had a drink it's a massive wee! I stripped the sheets put a towel down, I'm really tired so got the spare quilt out. Next minute he rolls over taking the spare quilt with him so I have nothing. I'v now got in bed with my 4 year old, which I feel bad for as it's woke her up. As he sleeps like a log in the next room ( on the dirty mattress tho) what would you do in the morning? I'm tired I've got work he's 36 on a week night he has work, isn't it about time he grew up? I'm livid

It’s not nice for you to be woken up in this was but obviously it was an accident, he was asleep, it’s never happened before despite him drinking similar amounts, it doesn’t sound like there was any way for him to predict this would happen? I understand you’re angry as you’ve been woken and his reaction wasn’t reasonable (due to being drunk and disorientated at being woken) but this was an involuntary occurrence, you can’t really be furious for something someone did when asleep especially as they had no way of knowing it would happen.

Obviously now it’s happened once he needs to make steps to stop it happening again, but it’s not his fault it’s happened on this occasion.

He drinks Wednesday to Sunday at home, maybe 4-8 pint cans, he thinks this is totally normal I'm not too sure? Maybe a few more on a weekend

I hope you did nothing with regards to cleaning up post his wetting the bed. And if you at all did why?. He has to face the consequences of his actions.

What does he do Monday and Tuesday?. Are those then his "alcohol free" days?

Does he drive to and from work?.

The man's always on a comedown from alcohol. He is bingeing five days a week. Do not forget that your daughter is seeing your reactions to this, both spoken and unspoken. She is certainly seeing all the empties in the recycling bins. And did you yourself grow up seeing similar behaviour?.

Well, not the bed, but slightly funny, years ago, living on my own with just a cat for company, I was doing the laundry one morning before work, when I noticed the laundry in the basket was wet...quick sniff..and I looked at the cat....she looked back all innocent... a few hours later it dawned upon me....I had woken up busting for a wee in the middle of the night, instead leaving bedroom and turning left to the bathroom.. I had turned right and mistook the white laundry basket for the loo... I had to apologise the the cat for blaming her ! In my defence..I had moved house a few weeks,earlier and been working long hours 😁

No, 30 to 40 cans a week is way beyond normal or safe drinking. That level of drinking will impact on physical and mental health along with other incidents like you experienced, accidents and irrational and extreme behaviour. The anger you were concerned about the other night could exculate and his job is at risk at those levels of drinking.
You need to have a long hard look where this is going. There's loads of support out there if you need it.

Even if he drinking 6 cans a night wed-sun, thats 30 cans, without the extra at weekends or the days he has more. That 45 units a week at least. The recommended level is 14.
He is at serious risk of health damage due to his excessive drink, plus the money and social implications, would leave me very concerned.

My exDH* was a bed wetter when he drank too much. Completely disgusting but hardly LTB territory. Make him clean up his own mess, tell all his mates and the in-laws and humiliate him though and enjoy every second of his squirming embarrassment.

**He did much worse things than wet the bed which is why he's my exDH.

His parents likely do not know about his drinking, after all alcoholism thrives on secrecy. His mates could well be all binge drinkers too so trying to embarrass him is a waste of time and effort. OP can only help her own self.

I do concur with him having to clean up his own mess, the OP should not involve herself with that.

His bed wetting is but just one part of a far bigger problem. He binge drinking five nights out of seven is a problem in its own right.

My ex used to do this shit.
I've been single nearly 2 years now and the peace and happiness I feel grows by the day.
It's disgusting and I'm not sure how I managed to have sex with my ex....
Vile vile vile

LTB is my only advice here..

4 to 8 pints 5 days a week! Of course that's not normal. He's well on the way to damaging his physical health and also means you can't rely on him as he's over the limit most evenings. I'd say you need to be having a very serious conversation with him.

I've only ever known two men to piss themselves when drunk. Both were alcoholics.

You mean 4-8 cans over around 4 or 5 days right?

Rub his nose in it.

Pinkbonbon
Yes, he drinks between 4/8 Wednesday to Sunday. He usually buys the pint cans. Occasionally at weekend it could be more as he sometimes adds a bottle of bud or san Miguel I'd say like 1/2 of those also

If you mean he's having a couple of cans every night between Wed and Sunday then...tbh I would think that was still too much as a regular thing. But maybe that's personal choice. I wouldn't want to date someone who had to drink most nights of the week. Its also over the recommended amount for men. Putting his health at risk too.

If you mean he drinks 4 to 8 pints each night (wtf!) however - your partner is an alcoholic. Majorly. He may have been a "functioning" alcoholic up till now but now that is over.

'Normal' imo is a couple of tins at the weekend. Or a 4 pint night out with the mates for the football or something. Not pints every day.

I don't think you can even give him the ultimatum to stop drinking or you leave tbh because alcoholics need to give up on themselves or they just blame other people every time they want to fall off the wagon ('I never wanted to quit anyway, you just nagged me too!').

If it really is 4-8 pints every other night...sorry but i think I'd leave him. Maybe then he'll clean up his act. But...not your circus anymore.

4-8 each day or spread out between Wednesday and Sunday? If he’s having 4-8 each evening 5 days a week then that is a problem. Bedwetting can happen as a one off and alcohol makes it more likely, but it can also be an effect of alcoholism. If your partner is habitually drinking 4-8 pints each night then that suggests he has a problem with alcohol, that is not a normal amount to be drinking.

It's really not clear if he's having 4 to 8 cans every evening or if he's having a total of 4-8 cans spread over 5 evenings.

Sorry I was out when I was writing replies realised it doesn't make sense, he has them each evening. Apart from on a Monday and Tuesday. So he thinks it's ok because he has two days off. He's always a bit 'tired' on those days wants an early night tail between his legs. He is a builder works in construction very normal culture to drink .I know it's a physical job and he will tire. However, come Wednesday he's happy as Larry can't wait to crack open a can and will have around 4-8 then this will continue until Sunday. He usually responds to me if I question him with,"well it's better then going out isn't it? If I drink at home". We have had a conversation about all this tonight I'm hoping he begins to realise, he has admitted finally that it is excessive now. He's always been a drinker but never this much. Also gained some weight as well especially around his middle! His parents do drink a lot his friends too. One friend has even told him the bed wetting is completely normal as he does it regularly after a drink

He's also confessed he must of had 15 pints on Thursday night!!!

Did you read the part where he was aggressive and hasn’t apologised?

I didn’t miss it but it was the middle of the night and he was still drunk, I wouldn’t necessarilly expect reasonable behaviour from anybody who was woken up in the middle of the night, moodiness is fairly normal if woken by someone else in the middle of the night and especially if drunk. I would expect an apology once sobered up in the morning but if this was an isolated incident I wouldn’t see it as a red flag. Obviously OP has added lots of extra context in her later posts which suggest that actually her DH has an alcohol problem but when I first posted I had only read the original post.

The bed wetting is awful, OP, but the alcohol consumption is a much bigger issue. He can certainly be an alcoholic even if he doesn't drink every day and 4-8 pints 5 nights a week indicates a serious dependency if not addiction.

He’s drinking way to regular and more than is normal Op! I sympathise with the bed wetting, my ex H did it once, I wanted to kill him! Had to hide the fact from kids that “daddy wet the bed” as I have girls and I did not want them to have that in their head as a memory from their childhood! You need to have a serious talk about his alcohol intake. Xx

No they are not. Unless all the ones you date piss the bed I suppose.

Yeah that's needing to entirely quit territory.
He's an alcoholic. So there's no 'just cutting down'. In the same way there wouldn't be for any other kind of addict.

He needs the full shebang AA treatment. And he has to see that and want to get it for himself. Not just 'cut down cause my wife is annoyed cause I pissed the bed haha what a overreaction'.

He's even got you thinking 4 - 8 pints a night is normal! He's deeply in denial. I don't think he'll stop.

I'm sorry but you'd be wise to leave him. Especially if you have kids. Heaven forbid they grow up thinking drinking like this is normal. Maybe if you go it'll help shake him into quitting and after a few years on the wagon and AA etc...you could give it another go if you still love him.

But for now you gotta love you.