Boyfriend’s friends

[ChrisHuw]

My boyfriend went out for a night out last week with three of his friends. I had absolutely no problem with this and hoped he had a nice night out.

he seemed to enjoy it but then a few days later let slip that all of the wives and partners of the other men were there. He then admitted that they wives etc come most times the friends meet up.

when we first got together, he didn’t tell his friends we were together for a couple of years.

he says he didn’t ask me because he didn’t think I’d want to come.

im quite upset about this but he says that I am overreacting. Am I?

I'd be really upset about this. Why aren't you invited?

He says that I am welcome to come but didn’t tell me anything about it. I thought it was a group of men meeting regularly, so didn’t want to attend that. It’s different though when it’s a couples meet up isn’t it? That’s how it feels to me.

One of the couples has a young baby so would have had to have arranged childcare. So clearly not a spur of the moment decision!

No, you're not over reacting.

Why does he think you wouldn't want to come?

Why would he choose to go out with his friends and their wives/girlfriends regularly and never invite you? What does he say?

"I didn't think you'd want to," is not a good enough reason. He needs to be able to explain this.

All the red flags are waving.

He 'let it slip' that all the wives were there and them told you they usually are. Obviously a hurtful thing to tell you. Then he chastised you for 'overreacting' by being hurt by this Obviously hurtful reveal.

You know that he set you up to be able to tell you you were overreacting right? He hurt you deliberately and now is making you out to be the issue, via gaslighting.

I mean the whole keeping you a secret for 2 years was likely part of this too. Just to make you feel 'insecure' or 'not enough'. (Assuming that he wasn't just hiding you from another woman that us).

Listen up - your feelings are valid.
I'll say it again - your feelings are valid.

Your 'partner' is a bastard. Why on earth are you tolerating this shit?

A real partner delights in showing off his woman to his friends. This guy...isn't it.

Get him in the bin.

Im not a massive one for socialising. I don’t like loud pubs or clubs. However, this was a meal at a really nice restaurant - it would have been right up my street!

This is not the man for you. He doesn't see you as his best friend and doesn't have your back.

he is not for you. I've seen this beviour by a relative. He was in a shop with his GF who is from a different background - the small shop keeper asked if that was his GF - he said "no" - the GF told one of our children and a few weeks later they were split up.

Is he embarrassed of you? What is the issue that he is effectively hiding your existence in his life from his friends?

I don’t know. Perhaps he is ashamed of me. I’m not that pretty and am quite overweight.

But I’ve looked like this since we got together.

That's so hurtful, I'm really sorry. I think there is obviously another reason and he is trying to get you to drop it. That's so unkind of him.

Also...i still can't wrap my mind around him keeping you a secret for two years and you just going along with that.

Does he have a golden cock?

Come on now op enough enough.

You gotta learn to love yourself. That's never going to happen whist dating this headfucking arsehole.

Why didn’t he tell his friends about you? That’s really odd and not at all normal. Also not normal inviting you when it is a ‘couples’ event. Something is off. I’d be upset in your shoes op

He doesn't think you will gel with his friendship group. It doesn't necessarily mean he is embarrassed by you, he could be embarrassed by them. You need to ask him why he doesn't include you.

He’d be a total twat if that’s what he’s embarrassed of!

I was really thinking of a friend of mine who prefers her DH not to come out when alcohol is involved as he is an obnoxious drunk and she always apologises for how embarrassed by him she is.

The only times I have experienced this, it was because 1) he was embarrassed that I wasn't as attractive as the other wives/girlfriends and 2) he felt people would judge him for not having a girlfriend who was significantly younger, beautiful and slim.

Disclaimer - there is nothing wrong with me and there is nothing wrong with you either. He's just another inadequate man.

@GreyCarpet hes told me that he thinks I am the least attractive of all the partners.

Writing this down sounds a bit surreal

Do you ever go out together yourselves? Or does he make excuses then aswell?

he sounds horrible.

You deserve better OP

Well….there you go then.
He’s a shit heap of a person. I’d do some thinking about if you want to be with someone who says things like that and excludes you from their social circle.

Seriously, dump him.

You deserve to be with someone who is proud to be with you.

This will destroy your self esteem and can't make you feel great when you go out with him.

Come on, Op. You are worth more than this.

More likely he's just a standard abusive jerk who wants you to feel insecure in yourself. There's nothing wrong with you op. Even if he and his friends and their partners were all supermodels (which I very much doubt) a proper man likes who he likes and doesn't care what others think.

He certainly doesn't let his girlfriend feel insecure or unappreciated. He goes out of his way to make her feel loved. To reassure her. To tell her that he's the luckiest guy in the whole world to have her and that she is beautiful.

This jerk isn't remotely in your league because instead of caring about your feelings and understanding your perspective...he tells you you're overreacting when HE'S the one who fucked up. What a loser.

Run for the hills lass!

He's a cunt who is ashamed of you. The friends probably don't know about you. Dump him.

He was probably involved with someone else or talking about other women.