Calling children by the wrong name

[LemonSnake]

Bit complex. I have 3 sons from a first marriage aged 23-18 and now a daughter 2.5 and 1 year old son from a second marriage. The younger 2 children and 18 year old get on very well. Sometimes I can inadvertently call the youngest son by the 18 year olds name when describing something ie not to his face. My wife finds this insulting and disrespectful but for the life of me I can’t see why? Am I wrong or missing something?

My mum often calls me and my DD by each other's names.

I've been called everything including the cats names by my mum over the years.

Oh FGS.
I always get mine mixed up.
my Nan had a whole gang of kids and used to reel off every name until she got it right. YANBU.

I only have one child and often call him the wrong name.

This is it. The names are stored in the bit of your brain where the 'kids names' are.
It's not a big deal and I suspect your wife is hurt because she thinks you're not thinking about the 'right' child when you get the name wrong.
I often call my DD by my DSD's name so it's hardly favouritism. Although I do love them both!

Always at the back of my mind I might one day call my DP by my exH’s name. Never have, but it freaks me out. So I just call him darling!

Your wife sounds like hard work.

I regularly call dd the cat's name, it's just one of those things.

It's totally normal. I sometimes call my daughter by my sister's name and I've called my cat by my son's name and the cat's a girl 😂
My mum get all the grandkids names mixed up.

Your wife is totally over reacting!

I am the older sibling in this arrangement! Dad has 4 daughters, 2 older and 2 younger (20+ year gap between the two pairs). I am the oldest of the older pair, and he often mixes my name with the oldest in the younger pair IYSWIM. Similarly my sister 2 yrs younger can get called the name of the youngest in the younger pair. He makes the mistake equally in both directions and it has never bothered anyone.
Also my DH often calls DD by the name of his youngest sister.
I think this is really normal and yr wife needs to suck it up!

Your wife is being silly, I’m a mother and I do this all the time, my grandmother did it too, it’s inevitable when you’ve got more than 3 children. I read somewhere that it’s due to having them in the same emotional compartment of your brain, so in actual fact it’s actually a sign that on a deep subconscious level you love them the same. I don’t tend to mix up the boys and girls names so must have the girls in one part of brains and the boys in the other

It happens in all families. Teachers do it with multichild families!

I sometimes call my DD my sisters name. I was always referred to as 'daughter' by my Dad because he always used to get mixed up.

I have previously called a bf by the exes name. That really is a no go!

She's over reacting. I call my three grown sons all sorts - I've even gone through the animal names before getting it right at times!

I think everyone does this. I also call my daughter by the dogs name as well. 🫣 I wouldn't say it was disrespectful in anyway. Does your wife not like your other children?

Your wife is being ridiculous. People do this all the time and it’s isn’t a reflection of how much they love or value the people they’re either naming or addressing.

Your wife might be feeling jealous that while this is her first time, it isn’t yours. You have an experience that’s massively important to her when she doesn’t. Hopefully this is where your wife’s feelings are coming from and she isn’t just being a horrible person.

Many pets, children, step children, step grandchildren, three sisters and their husband, one brother and his wife, nieces and nephews and we are all very close so sometimes I could say half a dozen names before getting it right!

Your wife is choosing to be pissy about it.

Thanks for that, I do think you’ve hit the nail on the head there. I’m very mindful of the fact that’s they’re my wife’s first children, personally I love all my children without bias. At least I try to!

I think it's massively disrespectful.

Just as well your not my kids as you’d be going NC by now 🤣

DH regularly gets the names of his sister and our dd mixed up. He would also call MIL 'Mummy' and me 'Grandma'. She's gone now and he doesn't do it any more - I kind of miss that.

He also spent about 10 years calling NDN by the wrong name. Think of an Irene/Aileen/Arlene/Eileen kind of mix-up. 😂

It's probably because she thinks you're merging the new baby boy with your 18 year old in your mind and not recognising the wonderful individuality of your new son.

I regularly mix my kids names up, sometimes throw a pet name or one of my siblings names in too, or end up saying you there. It's perfectly normal. I expect this feels personal to her because theyre not all her children. This wouldn't bother me at all, but it bothers her. Maybe have a talk about how she's feeling and reassure her its just a thing that happens and doesn't mean you don't see all your children as seperate beings.

I might as well swap the kids names because they never get called the right name on the first try