Calling children by the wrong name

[LemonSnake]

Bit complex. I have 3 sons from a first marriage aged 23-18 and now a daughter 2.5 and 1 year old son from a second marriage. The younger 2 children and 18 year old get on very well. Sometimes I can inadvertently call the youngest son by the 18 year olds name when describing something ie not to his face. My wife finds this insulting and disrespectful but for the life of me I can’t see why? Am I wrong or missing something?

She's being abit dramatic!! I do it all the time, my nan used to go through everyone's name till she got to the right one!! I'd say most of us do it?

I was the youngest child and my father often used to go through the entire list of sibling names until he got to mine. I found it hilarious. I suspect your second wife might be reading too much into it and feeling a bit sensitive and jealous because it's a reminder that you've already done the happy families thing with someone else before her. Maybe she sees it as a sign that it's not as special the second time around for you or that these children are not as important and therefore that's why you get the names mixed up. Be open and work on assuring her that's that's not the case at all.

I would regularly run through both of my DD's names and the dog's name before I got to the correct one
In the mornings, I have to say 'which one is that?' before my eyes have woken up properly.

Pretty much everyone gets names confused at some time if they have multiple children (and dogs), it's totally normal. Is she strange a about other things as well?

My dad always confused my sister and I.

You've done nothing wrong. It's very normal to do this IME.

There must be something else happening for your wife to find this insulting and disrespectful.

Does your wife get on with your older children? Does she think that her children should be more important to you? Would she be upset if you called your older children by your younger children's names? Does she expect you to prioritise your younger children over the older ones?

Does your wife jump to taking offence easily about other things in life? Things other people do and say, or just you?

I think she’s being a bit precious, does she resent your older children?
As you can see, everyone does it! I only have 2 kids (boy and girl) and I mix up their names. I remember growing up being called everyone’s names. It’s just a thing that happens and when it happens once it tends to happen again

My son feigns annoyance when I call him the dog's name, it happens and it means no disrespect- he knows how much I love the dog, we both do 😁

I guess the step aspect is a factor but I think this is just normal (and pretty much unavoidable) when you have multiple kids? I have three siblings and we grew up with several pets and my mum in particular was terrible for running through literally all of our names before getting to the right one - like "Come here DC1...DC2...DC3...Dog1..Cat1...Cat2...DC4 (MY NAME)!!!". We just found it funny. It's not like you're doing it deliberately or it means you value your 18 year old more!

DS's GF has a 'normal' name with one letter changed (which is asking for trouble, IMO, but not her fault. I try really hard but the usual pronunciation is so hard-wired it does just happen that I call her (e.g) Elizabeth instead of Elinabeth.

My mum used to call me by her sister's name all the time. I didn't mind.

We often do it to people we love/like - I did it at work and I often call the youngest grandchild by the name of the older grandchild.

Your wife is overacting

I answer to my cousin's name, my mums, and now my daughter's. Husband has sisters, his dad addresses all the women of that generation (including me) as "love" or "luvvie" I suspect to avoid this. All my male cousins answer to the name of the youngest uncle. Including the one lad whose parents cut out the middle man and gave him Uncle's name! So workarounds are possible.

My mother get me her children and grandchildren's names mixed up.

I get my children and my colleagues names mixed up.

It's just something some people do.

Lol, I call my dog my sons name and my son my brothers name.

It happens.

Surely, everyone who has siblings has been called by their siblings name many many times.

Is your wife much younger than you? Did she grow up in a very small family ? The vast majority of people here have grown up with name mix ups . Happens in every family . She'll be doing too one day soon.

When I was young my Grandma would frequently call me and my siblings by the wrong name.She would go through the names of all grandchildren until she got to the right one.I thought it was funny.

I have a son and a daughter and I use the wrong name to them both frequently. I also their names mixed up with the dogs too. Shes being daft

I have boys and girls. Aged 18 upwards. I am just as likely to call youngest son by one of his sisters' names (or the dog's) as his brother or his own.

It's not disrespectful. It's tired/menopausal/brain fog

I often mix up first daughter's and youngest one's names when I'm talking to them. It's no big deal.

My Nan as a mother of 6 and grandmother to 4 went through all the names before she got to mine. (I was the youngest). I was long gone before the telling-off began! :-)

Speaking of dogs, I still call current dog by name of any one of deceased dogs from days of yore.

And DH, bless his heart, does sometimes call me by his ex-wife's name. And we've been married 30 years.

So I do think your wife is overreacting a bit, OP.

My DH often calls our youngest DC (in their 20s) the cat's name.

I think she's being precious. Probably insecure.

I have five DCs and quite often used to call then by all their different names, including mixing up boy/ girl names, amd occasionally the cat got thrown into the mix.

Approaching this (or any other issue your wife has with anything you do to annoy her) with a tone of "I can't for the life of me figure out the problem" is going to end with you really and truly in the doghouse though.

Tell her you're sorry and you'll try your utmost to get the names right, that all the children are precious to you and getting names wrong isn't an indication of where your heart lies.

I was also getting my coat on before leaving work one day and my colleague said, 'Bye Math, love you!'

Twas a leetle awkward. But honestly 'there but for the grace of God'...