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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think from now on my default setting will just be grumpy, moody cow that makes no effort

101 replies

TheSalesGirl · 23/02/2024 21:47

I'm sick of being a nice, decent person and just getting treated like shit by friends. I'm always upbeat and try to be fun and friendly but it really doesn't do me any favours. Those that 'say it like it is' and are grumpy and offhand all the time have people clamouring to kiss their arses.

I'm currently on holiday with DH, and another couple we are good friends with. They asked if another couple could come too. And lo and behold the three men have all gone off together all week and got on fine but I'm left out by my friend and her other friend. They've been whispering, disappearing off for walks leaving me in the apartment and just generally being 'besties'. If I speak their eyes glaze over.

Why is it always me this happens to? Why, for once can't I be the one that someone actually wants to gravitate towards and it be some other person being the third wheel? It's always me. And this is a so called good friend who has done this.

I really feel like from now on I'll just be moody, offhand and snappy and just not bother with friends

OP posts:
HelloDarlingWhatAreYouDoingHere · 23/02/2024 23:37

YANBU

The word is mostly (but not all) twats.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/02/2024 23:41

TheSalesGirl · 23/02/2024 22:05

He has noticed but as per usual doesn't want me to make a fuss.

I've been doing stuff alone mostly

That is so sad. Those absolutely fucking bitches. What do they think you're going to do all day? As for your husband, tell him to get back and keep you company. It's very unfair of him to expect you to keep quiet when you are isolated like that on holiday.

TheSlantedOwl · 23/02/2024 23:41

Fuck them. You don’t want those bitches anyway. Anyone who behaves like that is substandard.

Sorry, it sounds awful. Your H is being lacking as well - he should have your back. Never agree to this kind of shit again. And feel completely entitled to be frosty with those two fuckwits. End of friendship with ‘good friend’. Ugh they have zero morals. Garbage people.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/02/2024 23:42

I wouldn't have anything to do with those two women again. I think you are right about avoiding going out with two others. A lot of women don't seem to have left the playground and always want to leave someone out.

Shoemadlady · 23/02/2024 23:54

Why, why is your husband not in your corner? Why does he not see how upset you are and support you and spend time with you? That's the real issue here.

Agapornis · 23/02/2024 23:54

Why the fuck isn't your DH spending time with you on holiday? Does he know you're spending all of your time alone, and he's okay with that? I'd be angrier with DH than your friends.

But dump the friends. Sod that.

RandomForest · 23/02/2024 23:55

Dump the husband.

AndThatWasNY · 24/02/2024 00:02

As my mine wonderful mother told me in a similar situation.
"They're not your friends so who cares what they think"

Secondstart1001 · 24/02/2024 00:04

Tell your DH that tomorrow you are spending the day together

adriftinadenofvipers · 24/02/2024 00:08

Your husband needs to be in your corner!! The absolute bitches!! Your husband is shite as well for leaving you to put up with this! Demand better!

Shortyp · 24/02/2024 00:15

Bike rides? God how fucking boring.

WhatWhereWho · 24/02/2024 00:26

If people are behaving in this way they are not friends. Why not join the bike rides, go to the bar too? Your DH should be making sure you are ok -as for the female 'friends'' fuck them do not see them anymore.

ReadingLight · 24/02/2024 00:27

You say you’re continually ‘treated like shit’ by your friends? You sound as if you’re a people-pleaser who spends all their time trying to please other people and inwardly resenting it. Given your history of feeling like a third wheel, did you even want the third couple to accompany you on holiday? Why aren’t you insisting your DH spend time with you? Are you afraid of inconveniencing him?

The opposite of people-pleasing isn’t being ‘grumpy and offhand and not bothering with friends’. It’s centring yourself and your needs and ensuring they’re met, and behaving as though you are the most important person in the world to yourself. Which you are. What would you like to happen now? How can you suit yourself best for the rest of the holiday?

RandomForest · 24/02/2024 00:28

Cycling widows.

Heavilyomm · 24/02/2024 01:33

Your husband is treating you worse than your ‘friends’ are. You need to find a way to stand up for yourself where you can and evict people from your life where you can. Different ways work for different people so I can’t advise you because I don’t know you but Google and see what help you can find.

Codlingmoths · 24/02/2024 01:38

If your ‘d’h thinks you shouldn’t speak up he had damn well better hang out with you tomorrow! Tell him the options are you turn around and say publicly you absolute bitches, then fly home, or he spends the day with you. You’re not going to put up and shut up because it matters more that everyone else is happy.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 24/02/2024 01:40

TheSalesGirl · 23/02/2024 22:05

He has noticed but as per usual doesn't want me to make a fuss.

I've been doing stuff alone mostly

Well he sounds delightful! What a supportive partner 😳

OP, these women sound awful and childish. But can I ask, are you happy? I find genuinely, that when I am happy, I attract people/friends, and when I am down, I often feel as you do - left out and isolated. Have you considered some therapy to work on your confidence/esteem/ whatever may help - and at the very least you will be more secure in yourself to tell horrid people where to go. And attract some nice new supportive people.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 24/02/2024 01:40

Codlingmoths · 24/02/2024 01:38

If your ‘d’h thinks you shouldn’t speak up he had damn well better hang out with you tomorrow! Tell him the options are you turn around and say publicly you absolute bitches, then fly home, or he spends the day with you. You’re not going to put up and shut up because it matters more that everyone else is happy.

Also this!

MsRosley · 24/02/2024 02:50

OP, nevermind those horrible women, what you should really be concerned with here is your partner's behaviour. He absolutely should NOT be leaving you to deal with this alone. The friendship is dead, but your marriage is more important.

Opentooffers · 24/02/2024 03:02

You can distance her from your life after this. But I think its odd that as an alternative you are doing things on your own on holiday. Where's your DH in this? Bizarre really. If they are sniggering together when out, are you not mixing and talking to the men instead? I feel there is some odd segregational dynamic going on. Are you not chatting to your DH at least and ignoring the rest?

nzeire · 24/02/2024 04:12

How fucking horrible. My god some people are foul.

i was in a three friendship at work a few years ago… until one day, they were RIGHT NEXT TO ME whispering about attending something together that night

now, I wouldn’t have wanted to go Anyhows, but how fucking revolting. I was so shocked.

i was out immediately. No one needs that shit in their lives.

Nanalisa60 · 24/02/2024 04:32

This is the reason that my husband is my best friend!! He never lets me down.

Tatonka · 24/02/2024 05:13

Sounds pretty crap, but circle of influence and control and all that. Tell your DH to spend some time with you, he's the one you should be annoyed at. The two ladies seem like pathetic kids, ditch them forever.

frozendaisy · 24/02/2024 05:42

So it's your last day Saturday, what are you going to do?

Read and swim, find some retail therapy, have a plan and don't tell the other bitches because if it's a good plan they will want to tag along and then leave you out.

It is going to depend where you are but is there a day trip out somewhere new and interesting? A boat ride?

Just fuck off silently, do something you want to do, if you get the "why didn't you invite us" you can say "I wanted to have a nice day that's why"

Grown adults are no longer in the playground so stop letting them make you feel like you are. You say why can't someone else be the third wheel for a change but would you really leave a grown woman out? Just so you can feel the special one? And "say it like it is" is really just a description of someone who is rude. Why do you care whether you spend time with people like that?

If you want revenge so to speak, the best option is to have a day more interesting than their weird walks together thinking they are superior by leaving you out. It's all quite childish you need to see it for what it is and just not desire to be part of it.

It's only one more day and I would kick off at H when home that he was happy to fuck off on his bike whilst you got shunned so out of 6 people you were left on your own and he told you not to make a fuss. Yeah he could give fuck himself as well.

woooaaaahhhhh · 24/02/2024 06:01

No one should be left out?

You need to speak to your partner and point out you came on holiday with him and you want to spend time with him.

You don't need to be grumpy or moody. You will be the bad guy then. But do put boundaries in place. Don't be friends with people who think it's acceptable to ignore you and leave you out.