Not sure what to make of this

[Cutekittypie]

I’ve been chatting to a lovely guy for a few weeks and went on some dates. He’s been a real gentleman and the connection was great. He started pulling away due to work stress and we had a chat about it.

He said he’s all over the place in his life. Doesn’t feel settled. He hasn’t had a weekend to himself in over a month. Hates his job. Needs to get back into running. To do his CV and apply for jobs. He has no time for anything. Maybe he’s not in the space for a relationship. He doesn’t want to lead me on but doesn’t want to shut things down. He said he’s not looking to get into my knickers, he’s a good decent guy. He said he wished he could suggest a drink tonight but he needs to be alone and decompress because he’s being shit on from all corners at work. And he wants to keep talking over the weekend and hinted maybe we meet.

He sounds so, so genuine. But am I being played?

I’ve been stressed in work before and I know how it can take over (we both work in high level pressurised jobs). But I’m just not sure.

I tried to be understanding but I sent him a message later after the call and told him we should skip dating and I hope his life gets better for him.

Did I do the right thing? It’s annoying because I rarely meet a guy I like so much.

I wanted to protect my heart and I guess if things get better for him, he can always reach out to me?

Have you thought that maybe he is sad that you have kicked him into touch and that is why he hasn't responded to your text.
I doubt you'll hear from him again. He opened up to you about work stress etc and the first thing you did was dump him not show an iota of understanding.

In my opinion I don't care how much your stressed with work, if you like someone you would still find the time. Cause they'd be the only thing to brighten your day amongst all the chaos. I just feel he didnt have the balls to tell you the way he should have so he spun this story, why would you be on dating sites and so full on before otherwise etc. Like a PP mentioned he wanted to keep you on the back burner just incase. You will find better I promise

OP - you absolutely did the right thing and spared yourself wasting time and energy on someone who’s clearly not ready to date you. He would draw you into his chaos and drama and you don’t need that. So many men these days want the benefits of being in a relationship without being ready (emotionally, practically) to be a relationship. It’s beyond frustrating. See it as a lesson learnt. You deserve better.

You sound like you know about people and you're not getting any vibes from him, however....You are not yet in a relationship and its all about him and given that first impressions are pretty much all we have to go on I would cut my loses and move on.

Stay well away. He sounds like my daughters father. I got the exact same chat from him at first. But he then charmed me (lol) a year later I was pregnant with his baby and turns out he was lying about his marriage.

Wow. This guy sounds like my husband...at this point i wouldnt actually care if it is.

In my experience, if I man wants to be with someone, really wants to be with them, he'll find a way to be. Think actions not words. He's just not that into you.

FFS. Women are not rehab centres for broken men. They aren’t even in a relationship. She owes him nothing.

I think you're right. My husband has been doing exactly that for years. Found actual proof 4 weeks ago. Turns out he was sleeping with someone who apparently meant nothing. It's too easy now to pull people in just for kicks.

Sounds like the right choice. Maybe because you got on so well put the potential on the back burner of being strictly friends? Worst that can happen is that you have a new friend from it all? 😀

He's being honest I think. Cut your losses and move on to someone who's a bit more enthusiastic.

Block him, don't give him a second thought and enjoy your life.

He's playing you, he wants his cake and eat it.
It's a man tactic so he can pull at your heartstrings whenever he feels like it.
He wants you to feel sorry for him because of all these so called pressures he's got in his life so when he cries you'll come running and he can get everything on his terms.
As others have said he wants to keep you on the back burner, you'll be a shoulder to cry on and someone he can get involved with when he can be bothered but when he can't be arsed he'll just leave you hanging.
Blow him away and find someone more sincere who wants a full time relationship not a part time one

You definitely did the right thing OP, all that 'poor me' sounds exhausting and he is showing you how self absorbed he is. You really don't want to end up as his unpaid counsellor. I'd block him as otherwise he will probably be back in contact with more tales of woe.

He's carrying a lot of baggage and if you stick with him some of it will end up being carried by you. Only you can make the decision as to whether its worth it. You could end up in a lengthy long term relationship that benefits you both or you could end up being worn down by the weight of it all. From what you say he doesn't seem that keen and he seems to recognise that he has other priorities in his life than a relationship at the moment. Can't you just keep in touch as friends and see if he sorts himself out

Maybe when he's in a better place mentally, he'll be in touch. Upto you at that point if its a good time or if you've moved on.
If its meant to be - it will be 🥰

This. I wouldn’t be starting a relationship with someone who sounds like they find life such a struggle.

Harsh and unpopular to many I’m sure. If it happened at some stage in DH’s life I’d support him, but to not know if he’s just flaky - I wouldn’t be going there.

Personally, I think you did the right thing. Having said which, I don't think you'll ever hear from him again. Sad, but there we go.

My friend dates men who use lines like this on her with great regularity. She always falls for it and pretends to herself that she's fine with dating a man who only wants to know her when he wants free therapy and a bit of company, and every time ends up crying over loser men who offer absolutely nothing.

Stay away from drama and complications. Wish him well and say hope things work out fur him and then just block and move on.

Any decent person wouldn't date in the first place if their life was all over the place, or at least be upfront in looking for something casual, why string someone along for a few dates before dropping that bomb shell, I think he was hoping to continue seeing you casually whenever it suited him, but you shut that option down.

I doubt you'll hear from him as you said about skipping dating . He'll have assumed you were finishing things
.

You've ended the relationship with your message. Highly unlikely he'll reach out.
Sometimes work does interfere with relationships, certainly does in long term and can be the death knell for new ones trying to get off the ground.

So I second guessed myself in a moment and thought maybe I should give him benefit of doubt. Yesterday I messaged him that I could be open, but I was worried, and suggested we chat later. He said it was nice to see my messages and that he would message me later as he was with friends watching sports. No, he didn't message again. My lesson learnt to always trust my instincts!

‘My life is such a mess I don’t have time for anything’.

except watching sports with his mates.

please block this loser. He will try and reel you back in when he feels like it. He didnt ditch you because he’s a dick. He’s just a poor, sensitive soul suffering from ‘work stress’. Who wants to reserve the right to walk back into your life whenever he feels like it.

absolutely not. I wish women would trust their instincts more. You can do better OP.