Text exchange for arranging a date

[usernamedone]

Am I overthinking this text exchange about arranging a date, worried hes not really into the idea and just being polite before blowing it out (he's white reply's)

I don’t see the point in this. He is unlikely to outright say he isn’t feeling it because otherwise he would have done that already.

he might offer some words of reassurance but still not arrange anything. In which case waste of time. Also really makes it clear you’re more invested than him. And he’s more likely to back off if he was already inclined that way.

or he might arrange something and you’ll then just wonder if he was pressured into it.

honestly just remove your energy and concentrate on your own life.

He's not arsed.

Honestly if many of you can't see this then you've spent too long chasing willies. 😂

Sorry will try to clarify a few points

The message before and the haha was in response to a joke made, we had previously spoke about date and he said "yes let me know what days" as I knew he had course etc stuff on I responded with Tuesday, Thursday or Friday works for me this week, turns out Tuesday was a no go!

Previous messages you can't see is him saying he's knackered from course and watching some tv in bed, I've then asked about meeting and that's when he responds with will see if I have kids, then I say well Thursday then so it doesn't matter if he does he then says " forgot Thursday but he is tired as in he forgot that was a option but he's tired"

As for kids he does have a proper schedule just with him/kids being away on holiday recently over half term it's gone a bit hectic so he's not sure if he's having them this weekend... I see no issue with this would be more concerned if he blew his kids out

Exactly this!

do you reckon he’s spending this amount of time and energy analysing OP’s messages?

doubt it.

He’s really not that into you is my strong takeaway.

the fact that you were the one bringing up meeting plus he “forgot” about Thursday. I’d back off if I were you.

The whole knackered from being on a course thing … he hasn’t climbed Everest

As long as you are happy explaining away how his text sounds to us,

you were the one wondering if you were overthinking the texts..

It all looks fine to me. You'll probably be able to gauge more in person.

@Muffin777

Except for when we speak and are together I’m warm, enthusiastic and appreciative. I’m not cold or disinterested. I just don’t pursue. There’s a difference.

For any self-respecting man that shouldn't be enough... If I were a man and you were so passive that you hadn't instigated any meeting or contact after three months, I'd think you were either disinterested or entitled. It sounds like you're the latter!

Men like "disinterested and entitled"!
Muffin's attitude, imo, is one that all the angsty chasers would definitely benefit from.

This is three months in, and by this time you would usually not be feeling anxious and tense about text exchanges, cos it would be pretty clear you liked eachother.

For everyone I've dated (and there have been plenty in my 46 years!), I've been in a relationship by the three month point... the longest I've ever been in the "dating" phase is 6 weeks or so... and that didn't turn into anything!

There's a balance between chasing and being overly keen and @Muffin777's attitude, which I'd argue is extreme, especially three months in.

Ultimately if it's going to work, it has to be mutual and reciprocal. Anyone who plays these games and expects guys to chase for months and months is asking for a power imbalance in the relationship, and that rarely ends well.

I don’t think he is keen at all, tepid at best.

Surely he should know when he is seeing his children? And how can you ‘forget about Thursday’ on Monday if you are keen to see someone? And the ‘Sweet’ comment is hardly showing any enthusiasm for the date either.

My thoughts are that after 3 months why are you texting to arrange dates and not speaking on the phone?

Much less chance of confusion when you’re actually saying the words

You respond immediately and push him, he takes his time to respond. Personally if you want to know how this guy feels about you, let him chase next time, you don’t need to push like that, he didn’t forget Thursday, you should habe let him then offer up, not ask for it again.

No I make it clear I am interested and like seeing him but I don’t actively chase or pursue or actually organise dates.

instead I might casually throw out some ideas of where might be nice to go out, mention how lovely it was to see him last time etc but I won’t actually lock down the date. He does it.

I don’t think that’s ‘extreme’ at all, and it’s not game playing. It’s more natural and authentic to me. He shows his interest more by ‘doing’ and I’m maybe more expressive in terms of words. Not to say he doesn’t ever say it too but the biggest indicator to me, that he likes me, is actually arranging dates to see me.

I fail to see how that is ‘entitled’?

Sounds reasonable to me - but you know this man in person so can better guage tone than we can.
His childcare arrangements may be as hoc and I would read that as saying he's tired right now (in answer to your question).
The last message is nice.
I often text rather than call as it's quicker and easier (DH and I have been known to text each other in the house)

People have a strong desire and capacity to deceive themselves in these situations. It’s really a total waste of time. DH had kids when we met and I always knew when I was seeing him next. He was never tired or not arsed to respond or text. This guy is useless. Women need to raise the bar in dating and stop scrabbling round for scraps.

Agreed.

If a man is interested, you will know it, and you won’t need to post on forums trying to gauge it.

trust your intuition OP, and don’t bother chasing. You deserve someone who is interested in you enough to actually act on it. You’ll feel better about it rather than chasing and guessing.

@Muffin777

I fail to see how that is ‘entitled’?

It's as entitled as a man who expects his girlfriend to do ALL the supposedly "woman's work" such as cooking and cleaning, and that's fine because he treats her well.

I wouldn’t be doing all of that as someone’s girlfriend. If there’s a certain dynamic that suits a couple though I don’t see how it’s entitlement. He certainly doesn’t see me as being entitled.

also, organising a date can hardly be akin to free domestic labour. Not really the same thing.

This is a completely insane analysis to a perfectly standard text exchange.There is nothing abnormal or even noteworthy about those messages. Absurd how some people can even find something to overthink in a couple of boring logistical texts.

Just had a look at the messages again to see what I was missing given some of the responses.... but I wasn't.

@gannett I completely agree with you, and some people's capacity to draw conclusions from a couple of messages that he's "not interested" or that the OP is "desperately chasing" is seriously batshit.

Yes, of course many men are crap but it's clear from the overthinking craziness here (especially the reply where apparently the OP asking two questions in a text meant she was trying too hard 🤷) that it's not a one-way street and many of you would be nightmares for men to date!

@Moonfishstar to the contrary I think people who are so panicky over a short text exchange would be a nightmare to date!

OP has a gut feeling the energy has changed, the exchange appears to confirm it, just bring your focus back onto yourself and it’s a win win either way. He either steps up or he doesn’t and you have your answer.

I wouldn’t be doing all of that as someone’s girlfriend. If there’s a certain dynamic that suits a couple though I don’t see how it’s entitlement. He certainly doesn’t see me as being entitled.

Although I don't really know the details so obviously can't say for sure, by organising every date for 3 months and you only telling him you're looking forward to seeing him once he's organised it, he's portraying very simp-ish behaviour.

also, organising a date can hardly be akin to free domestic labour. Not really the same thing.

It's not an exact equivalence obviously, but the principle is the same. He's providing free "mental load".

I'm saying the opposite! I wouldn't be panicky over a short text exchange - I'd think it normal. It's those who are reading in all sorts of stuff that are the one's promoting "panicking".

Of course, if this is all part of a wider picture and there's a drip feed that puts this in to more context, it may be different, but in isolation I see no reason to "panic" at those texts.

The complete opposite. How is it ‘simpish’ to take action and organise a date? He just organises and sorts stuff. Is clear with his intentions. It’s attractive and I respect that. It’s not like he’s begging me to go out with him by arranging it. And he’ll ask for suggestions or what I might like but ultimately he sorts it.

far better than being ‘too tired’ to see me and not bothering to organise something 😕 so I’m then anxiously analysing his texts.

The OP deserves someone who is clear so she feels secure about things.