Text exchange for arranging a date

[usernamedone]

Am I overthinking this text exchange about arranging a date, worried hes not really into the idea and just being polite before blowing it out (he's white reply's)

Steer clear of anybody whose communications you need to seek advice about.

Back off a bit you’re far too keen, I think you have pushed him into agreeing to a date. Next time leave the ball firmly in his court.

I don't think there's any issue with his texts. You are a bit pushy, but not unreasonable. And from the brief snapshot it sounds like he's got a lot on.

having said that, if it feels like he's being a bit flakey, doesn't want to hang out etc, then sure, maybe it's time to call it a day. What's he like in person?

I think people are misunderstanding "I'm tired though" as an excuse for not meeting, rather than as an explanation for forgetting he could do Thursday.

If the latter it's completely fine!

This is a completely insane analysis to a perfectly standard text exchange.

There is nothing abnormal or even noteworthy about those messages. Absurd how some people can even find something to overthink in a couple of boring logistical texts.

And there's nothing "pushy" about the OP's messages either good LORD what is this nonsense.

More context needed. As in, what is he replying to in his first message?
Are you stalking him, op? 😊

I can’t see anything flaky or pushy just mundane midweek messages. Hes got kids he might have them Friday - perfectly normal. Hes tired - perfectly normal. He forgot you were both free Thursday so good to meet then - perfectly normal.

Looking at some of the responses, I don't think the OP is the only one overthinking.

He'd lost count of the days in a busy week and once he realised he had a free evening, jumped at the chance.

If his actual actions suggest otherwise, that's different, but I don't see anything here to suggest he's not keen.

You don't have to desperately chase a man like this. Honestly, you don't. Just stop contacting him, and if he gets in touch with you (to make a firm arrangement, not to booty call you etc) then you know he likes you. The dating game is a hell of a lot easier than you're making it.

But the messages don't exist in isolation. I mean, you've been dating for 3 months so I'd look at the big picture. If he generally enjoys your time together and seems keen then I wouldn't worry. Seem like perfectly normal messages to me. Or do you have other reasons to believe he's losing interest?

I always let the guy organise the date. Always.

might seem old fashioned to some but works for me. Avoids the stress of second guessing. I like being pursued and feeling secure knowing he is actually interested. If he isn’t I know not to waste my time.

The guy I’m seeing right now (3 months in) knows roughly when I’m free from general chit chat but to be honest, always arranges the next date, even if only days to keep free, when we’re together.

I never chase him to ask when he’s next free. I say I’m looking forward to seeing him only if he’s actually arranged a date. Time and location.

As much as possible I’d recommend just getting on with your own thing, even seeing other people if you fancy it, and it will take the pressure way off. Also less disappointing if they’re not that bothered. Onto the next!

essentially bring your energy way back and see what happens. You’ll know if he’s interested. You seem more keen than him from those messages.

Match his energy and see what happens.

You're replying within a minute of his text, he's taking 10 -15. Tbf by 3 months I'm not hanging on every word and probably take as long as he does because of other things - housework, playing with dog, watching a movie, talking to DS etc. You come across as keen and driving it.
He's not saving the best nights of the week for you either - you get Thursdays? Done any weekend nights? What's he doing on weekends he doesn't have DC's?
You are getting the bare minimum here, he's not bothered answering how his night went, and to me it reads that he's already setting up that he's tired ( or will be) so not sure about Thursday really.
I'd be moving on from this, it's fizzled.

It's fine, the "I am tired though" is in response to you asking about his night. I'd have no problem with this at all.

Red flag for me is that he obviously doesn't have a set schedule for his kids. How long has be been separated? How often does he have them? If he doesn't have a set schedule and the ex just tells him when he's having the kids I'd be reluctant to get into a relationship with him. You'll never be able to plan anything, will probably have you plans cancelled all the time because he needs to take the kids at short notice and he'll just palm you off with the excuse "my kids come first". A decent dad would have a regular schedule in place and not just be at his ex's beck and call.

I am curious as to what the message before these said, the one that he replied “Ha Ha” to. I won’t say that he is not interested, but he is definitely not as keen as you, I would see if he steps up in organising the next date.

He sounds a bit unbothered on the face of it but it depends on his usual messaging style.

I don't think there's anything wrong with those messages, but I would leave it to him to firm up the Thursday arrangement and see what happens

@Muffin777

If I was in your bf's shoes I'd be thinking you weren't in to me and be looking to end things. You risk losing good guys with your rather precious attitude.

Except for when we speak and are together I’m warm, enthusiastic and appreciative.

I’m not cold or disinterested. I just don’t pursue. There’s a difference.

There's some serious overthinking going on here and unnecessary negativity.

I'd be more put off by the syntax, not the content and timing... Fgs, it's just a few normal messages arranging a time to meet!

This is three months in, and by this time you would usually not be feeling anxious and tense about text exchanges, cos it would be pretty clear you liked eachother.

Usually, when it's got to this point, I've already known when the next date is, because we'd be discussing it before parting at the previous date. 3 months is where I'm expecting the 'relationship' talk where we decide to be bf/gf. Cos that's the next exploratory phase - finding out what the person is like in a relationship

3 months is usually that swoony stage where you want to be together all the time. This doesn't sound like that?

By 3 months the 'let them chase' phase is usually over, cos you are deciding together when to meet up next and what to do. But if this means the man thinks it's his pass to sit back and let you do all the work - not a good sign.

So I think we need to know a bit more about what's going on and why you are feeling so anxious about this.

find out if he has regular commitments with the children then you know what you are playing with. As someone upthread pointed out a lack of this is more telling than his texting. How long has he been apart from his wife @usernamedone ?

I agree
Ive just messaged a potential date ive been chatting with last week or so... however last few days no text...i thought i will try one last text...hi...hows tricks? He replied with 'hi' (i know 😒) i text back 'I hope alls ok? You didn't reply to my last message, i understand you have other things on, so im going to leave it with you 😁. Take care'
Job done! I havent time to waste on time wasters. Straight up.
Be honest with him... leave ball in his court and date others