Husband cursed at me

[Jomama123]

My husband can be very difficult. He is very passive aggressive. The other night I walked into the room and he gave me a foul look. I asked him why he was looking at me like that and he flew off the handle. He told me to f*k off, got up, pushed me out the way by putting his hands on my arm and called me an a*hole. I was stunned.
He texted me the next day to say he shouldn’t have spoken to me like that but honestly the apology was bull because later that day, he bit my head off for something else. I had to go out so we didn’t speak till later. When I tried to bring up what happened he said, “You wait this long and now you want to talk? Well I don’t want to.” I explained I didn’t have an opportunity to talk to him any earlier. He eventually spoke to me but nothing was really resolved for me because there was excuses made about why he spoke to me like that and of course it all boiled down to being my fault. I took too long to cook dinner and left him to cope whilst he felt unwell with our baby. None of which was communicated to me. I am sick fed up but I’m stuck here. I don’t even know if I’m looking for advice or just to vent because I can’t talk to anyone about this.

Look: whatever in the religion. OP is in one of those oppressive, catch 22 style religions where she has been taught not to question or think for herself so she will not—can not—fight to get out or even look for the loop holes to strengthen her position. It is perfect possible in almost all religions for even a technically powerless person to exploit a loophole or gain support from the authorities in such a way as to gain the advantage. But the woman has to have the ability to choose to fight. OP has been so abused and bewildered by religious indoctrination and her husband’s abuse that she can’t get there.

OP go to a friendly church authority, if any, and ask for help with the financial abuse that is going on. If you have concerns about the safety and education if the chili(and you should) self refer to social services and see if they will recognize the abuse snd help you leave without divorcing. You are being abused. You can separate without divorcing and protect yourself.

I suspect its more likely to be Catholicism or similar.

I've been having a thumb through my bible the past few days and I can see where it says men are not allowed to just take a wife and then frivolously cast her asside because she isn't what they fancy. And that they can't just do that and remarry. However, there's nothing that I can see, to say that also applies to women in an abusive relationship.

There's also a great deal about how men have to treat their wives well and provide for their families. How God hates violence and violence done to a person is akin to violence done to him.

So if anything I'd say we have to assume. Assume either God would say 'same thing applies irregardless' or 'God would consider a marriage annulled if their is abuse and want the women set free'. I think I'd go with the later considering how vocal he (well, rather, whoever wrote that section of the bible) is about how wives are to be valued.

I can see why the church would place more emphasis on not divorcing - because back in days gone by that would have potentially meant children being born out of wedlock. Not to mention now adays, lots of angry parishioners when their wives stop tolerating abuse and leave them.

You've always got to be aware of what establishments and individuals want and how they perhaps differ from what God would want.

I can't see anything that says God would want abused women to stay. Not sure about remarriage. It does mention how men spoil the virtue of women so can't just cast them asside but it doesn't say that these women can't still go on to marry men who love them, irregardless of them not being pure little flowers anymore. Maybe the assumption was at the time men wouldn't want to remarry them. But nowadays that's a non issue.

Just what I found from a scan through. But thought it might be worth considering. Not to say there isn't lots I've missed. Or conformation bias on my part. But I think lots of the bible is open to interpretation anyway.

Haven't read the whole thread. But: why did you marry and have a baby with someone who doesn't share his money with you?

He's abusing you.

What kind of religion and god do you think wants you to be abused? You have put a child into this mess too and have an obligation to them. As for money you are legally entitled to your share if married. I guess what you choose to put yourself through is upto you but its grotesquely unfair to subject a child to this.

OP, I really feel for you and totally appreciate how difficult it is for you to leave.
The power of religion has alot to answer for but irrespective of religion, being in an abusive, controlling relationship can break you down and feel disempowered.
But you can access support, confidentially and seek advice on options to leave. You deserve so much better than this, take care

No, it's a rule made by Jesus. He said that if a man puts his wife away and marries another, he commits adultery. For most of human history, men could divoce their wives, but women couldn't divorce their husbands. Men could have multiple wives and even concubines, but women could only ever have one man. A woman could be thrown away like a used hankie and had no recourse to justice nor help except in Christian times, charity. So. Jesus said this to make it clear Christian men cannot treat their wives like commodities and trade them in when they get fed up of them, because that was culturally and religiously acceptable, even for the Jews. They are supposed to love their wives like Christ loves the Church i.e. so much they're prepared to die for us! Sadly, too many of them still think marriage is for their comfort and convenience, and OPs H plus my STBX are those sort of "Christian" men. So, she as a Catholic can divorce, but a Catholic marriage is a Sacrament it can't be ended by civil authority, and thus any sexual relationship with anyone else is breaking the 6th Commandment, adultery and that is a Mortal Sin, a sin deserving of Hell. Christians are supposed to submit their will to God's just like Jesus did just before His Crucifixion. We are supposed to be in the World but not of it. I can understand you don't share these beliefs- most don't and being a Ctaholic is very difficult and demanding so I get it but we are ultimately focussed on God and the next life and our Salvation. We want to go to Heaven and we want our loved ones to go too. In fact, we want everyone to go to Heaven because that's what God wants but He's given everyone free will and it's up to each one of us to accept Him as Lord and God, or reject Him. OP and I have accepted Him, you haven't. That's your choice but you have no right to tell anyone their devoutly help religious beliefs are invalid or to rubbish us for having them. OP posted looking for support and encouragement or at least some compassion and most of ye have just condemned her for her faith. No wonder she's given up! For shame!

I think yours is a very thoughtful post. Frome my own experience as a separated Catholic woman, my priests have been supportive of my spearation and in fact, advised me to do it. One of my priests said my STBX was a "very toxic ndividual" and the priest I was interviewed by for my application for annulment said "he sounds like a psychopath" so the Catholic Church does not expect women, or men, to stay with abusive spouses, and does counsel separation, especially if there are children. However, we can't get married in a Catholic church after divorce and if we married again in any other way, or had any sort of sex at all with anyone other than the original spouse, it's adultery and we would not be able to receive Christ in the Eucharist without giving the person up , Confession and resolving to stay chaste. Those who do commit an even worse sin than adultery, which is blaspheming and desecrating Christ in the Eucharist by receiving Him in unrepented, unconfessed Mortal sin.
So, the only way we Catholics can remarry without committing Mortal sin is if we're widowed or the original marriage is annulled by the Church.
Wow, I feel like I'm writing essays here. I know most people don't get it nor agree but that's the Catholic Faith- it's never claimed to be an easy religion, but then not much that's worth doing is, is it?
The OP needs to talk to her priests, because she needs spiritual counsel. I wish she'd PM men but she's had such a kicking on here she's probably afraid to read anymore of this thread!

Sounds like he wants out and he is hoping I’ll take the hint.