Is it bad DH and I aren't that sociable?

[abblesandbears]

I don't mean we don't have friends, because we have a few good friends that we see a 3/4 times a year, but that's about it.
And we aren't that sociable in terms of our families either. We tend to enjoy the weekends spent just us and the kids.
We don't really enjoy family get togethers. And we usually try to limit seeing our siblings/nieces/nephews to birthdays/christmas.

Reading that back it sounds awful, but I guess we just don't really enjoy socialising with people that much! And then we end up feeling pressure from people to meet up when we're saying to each other "didn't we see them only 3 weeks ago!?"

Anyone else a bit like this?

We're exactly the same. Most of our social engagements, as nice as they usually are, are out of feeling like we should be doing it. Nothing wrong with it, it's who you are.

Its fine for you, as long as your kids are free to socialise as much as they want

I'm same.
I used to be when young but hate socialising now.
It feels like a chore.

We’re kind of like that, though we do make an effort to have someone round every couple of weeks. And I individually see my best friend most weeks. But overall we’d rather just be at home together in the evenings or as a family at the weekend. I think when one or both of you are working full time and you have kids and there’s housework etc, then the time outside of work becomes precious for family time.

I don't like many people these days.
Been burned by people I trusted in past and now cba with most people.
I pretend if I have to but hate all the bullshit of fake people. Sad really but just hate social get togethers.
Prefer my own company and partner only.

Yes it totally feels like a chore.

And when it's someone's birthday, and someone is like "let's get everyone together!" I'm like noooo do we have to?

I just find I'm much happier in our little family unit, enjoying our family, fully relaxing.
I swear with everyone else there's agendas and insecurities and elephants in the room usually.

Maybe this is being an introvert!?

I feel exactly same.

There’s nothing wrong with it.

Just today I was listening to a podcast about how important and useful it is to simplify one’s life, including only doing what you want to do and not feeling guilty about it.

Don't feel under pressure. Do what you want.

@Crushed23 this is something I'd really like to work on, the not feeling guilty party.

I feel like everyone wants a piece of us sometimes.

I hate the "we haven't seen you for ages" comment, when that person has made no effort to make plans and would rather you just invited them over your house type thing!

I know what you mean & I prefer time with my family unit too but I'm also sad that my dc's aunts & uncles aren't interested in getting to know dc. I put effort into spending time with my niblings so they know they have other support apart from their parents. It's sad that my dc don't really have that since my parents died as most of my siblings aren't interested in them & put in no effort. The ones with no dc anyway. Don't the cousins like to spend time together in your family? Do you not think it's useful to have meaningful connections where possible?

I think it's fine now, but at the risk of being morbid, one day your kids will leave home and at some point either you or your husband will find yourselves alone. Will you be OK with that and keeping yourself to yourself, or will you be lonely?

My lovely dad relied on my very sociable mum for a social life and now she is gone he is quite isolated and doesn't make the effort to socialize with people. He has children and grandchildren around but not many of his own friends, and I think he is lonely. It makes me feel very sad on his behalf.

What podcast pls?

I think it’s sad you only want to see your nephews and nieces and siblings at Xmas and birthdays and even resent that, but sad as I assume something has caused that level of family breakdown, and you’re right in your decision, which is basically no contact.

Do you not worry that you are making your children’s world more small by keeping a distance from family? We don’t have a big friendship circle anymore however taking my children and step children to family events and outings is something we proactively do. However do realise all extended families are different

That's what I came on to say, or similar. My brother and SiL (early 70's) are like you though she probably has a few more female friends than he does male. They spend a lot of time just the 2 of them, doing house and garden things and short driving holidays. Have a very small social circle who they see fairly infrequently, and one childless by choice son & DIL who they see every month or so I think. Their other child (with 3 children) lives abroad and due to distance (20+hours of flying!) they can only see them at most once a year for 2-3 weeks. That can't go on forever, due to both age and cost.

I do worry what will happen when the first one dies or has to go into a home. I think the one left behind will be very, very lonely.

NB: don't blame being an introvert on being unsociable. Introverts just find being around people tiring whereas extroverts get their energy from social interaction. Both personality types can enjoy socialising and have small or large friendship groups. Also, extroverts are not necessarily 'life & soul of the party', they just get energised from social interaction whereas a typical introvert would retreat to a quieter environment to recharge.

We’re the same. I always enjoy myself when we make the effort to go to social gatherings but I would choose at home with DP and the kids every single time.

working when my husband is home , he is working when I am home. We do work Saturdays also, when and how I have time to go out with others?

one of my previous managers was a single lady, working full time and all her spare time was used up to look after her grandkids ( cultural way of doing life, she just loves her kids and grandkids, so she babysits them all the time and they are her social life). Once the job offered some vouchers to visit places and she laughed: when I am bloody going to do that?! ah, her mother also needed her attention because her mum's social life were the daughter, grandkids and great grandkids - eh?

Thanks for your replies.

I understand that it mustn't be very nice being elderly and a bit lonely. But should you spend your younger years keeping friendships going that you maybe don't get much out of, in the hope that it'll make your life a bit nicer when you're older?

If your friendships aren’t enjoyable, then you’ve chosen the wrong friends.

We're much like you. Our own small social circle, one we've had for years, plus family. We're getting on now, both retired, so I wouldn't worry about your friends in old age as our friendship group has dwindled as time passed due to people dying from various causes, so just be glad of them while they're around.

It sounds fine now but you are at risk of becoming isolated as you age.

We are the same, always happiest when it’s just us. We have large families and good friends that we do see from time to time and as nice as it is we always breathe a sigh of relief when it’s just us again

It's fine. It's neither good nor bad. You may find it changes as your kids get older though. I remember feeling like that when mine were young. It's definitely changed as the kids have become teens though. I have more mental capacity for socialising I think now they need me less. Plus they are spending more time doing their own thing so it's just easier to fit in seeing people.