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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sending his ex a valentine card?

73 replies

Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 00:08

I'm only guessing as I could see that he'd googled the address of the shop where she works.
I can't think of another reason why he'd do that.
Should I call the shop up or is that stupid?
I can't think of any other way to find proof he did this...

OP posts:
ApisGuard · 16/02/2024 00:11

lets assume he did, then what happens with the relationship ? or you could bluff and say you have proof etc

Original poster
Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 00:14

Honestly? I really don't know.
I mean he's obviously not happy with our relationship if he did this.

OP posts:
ApisGuard · 16/02/2024 00:15

Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 00:14

Honestly? I really don't know.
I mean he's obviously not happy with our relationship if he did this.

true, all the best op

FlamingoFloss · 16/02/2024 00:28

How long have you been together?

Original poster
Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 00:42

6 years .. Why?

OP posts:
AstorianPlease · 16/02/2024 00:57

Ask him why he googled to shop where his ex worked and see what his answer is?

I honestly can't think of a good reason really unless he wanted to know where she worked so he could stay away from her but even that's really weird and I guess if you're both not happy then there's not much point staying with him especially if he has sent his ex a card.

Sorry you're going through this. It's shit.

Guavafish1 · 16/02/2024 01:06

Are you having difficulties?

scoobysnaxx · 16/02/2024 01:08

I'd ask him, if I thought I'd get an honest answer.

I'd also call the shop, asking for a review perhaps about a recent valentines delivery or something like that..

Original poster
Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 01:12

I really can't tell him I saw it on his history.
I'm going to look for the receipt from his shopping sometimes it's left in the bag, he'll have bought it same time he bought mine on his way to work when he stops for milk for the office. I'll post later on this morning, I can't sleep...

OP posts:
Original poster
Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 01:13

Guavafish1 · 16/02/2024 01:06

Are you having difficulties?

Not to my knowledge

OP posts:
thebestinterest · 16/02/2024 01:14

Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 00:14

Honestly? I really don't know.
I mean he's obviously not happy with our relationship if he did this.

The fact that you’re doubtful about whether he did this or not is not good. This alone would be a MAJOR turn off. Life is too fucking long to spend it stressing over this type of BS.

Original poster
Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 07:44

I know, I feel pathetic.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 16/02/2024 08:12

Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 00:14

Honestly? I really don't know.
I mean he's obviously not happy with our relationship if he did this.

What about you, and your feelings? Why are you focussing on whether he's happy? What's your relationship usually like? Is he Mr Kind-Loving-Respectful?

I can't imagine that if that's who you were in a relationship with, you'd be able to ask him why he looked up the address, and trust his answer. If you're thinking of contacting the shop, then there's a reason why you're not asking him directly: it's because you don't trust him to tell you the truth, isn't it?

Original poster
Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 08:25

If I asked him outright I know for a fact he'd lie. And that's because he's protecting himself because he doesn't want me being upset, obviously I am going to be, wouldn't you.
Sadly I have no proof other than he searched whilst in the office first thing that morning after arriving.
I have no other evidence and I'd appear mad.
Tbh after so little sleep I feel like I'm being irrational yet ...Spidey senses are out now.

OP posts:
Rania78 · 16/02/2024 12:52

OP make yourself a favor and succumb to the öevel of finding out. If I had done this two years ago it wouldn’t have taken me so long to leave my husband and I would have probably recovered by now.
Someone mentioned calling pretending you are making a survey. Just do it. If he was that disrespectful to you then please gather the courage and have the self-respect to leave him. Do not let anyone treat you like trush. Who is he? He doesn’t deserve you. If you can’t do it, could you confide to a friend and them do it for you?

Actually, If you like, PM me and I could do this for you. Let me know what you want me to ask.

Life is too short DO NOT spend it with scums who somehow think it is ok to humiliate you.

Monkeytapper · 16/02/2024 12:54

Does he have DC with her and it was a card from the kids?

Monkeytapper · 16/02/2024 12:57

How do you know he sent a valentines card?, could he have been googling the address for another reason?

manipulatrice · 16/02/2024 12:59

Let's be honest, he wouldn't just randomly send her a card out of the blue after 6 years.

So, there must be something else.

Catapultaway · 16/02/2024 13:02

This is just bizarre. How come you recognise the address where she works, but he has to Google it.

boomingaround · 16/02/2024 13:03

I think you've probably lost the plot. He was probably just googling where she works out of idle curiosity. I went on my exes Instagram account the other day. And ended up trying to google his brothers work too. Literally idle curiosity there is nothing in it. This is why snooping is a terrible idea.

Original poster
Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 13:11

Rania78 · 16/02/2024 12:52

OP make yourself a favor and succumb to the öevel of finding out. If I had done this two years ago it wouldn’t have taken me so long to leave my husband and I would have probably recovered by now.
Someone mentioned calling pretending you are making a survey. Just do it. If he was that disrespectful to you then please gather the courage and have the self-respect to leave him. Do not let anyone treat you like trush. Who is he? He doesn’t deserve you. If you can’t do it, could you confide to a friend and them do it for you?

Actually, If you like, PM me and I could do this for you. Let me know what you want me to ask.

Life is too short DO NOT spend it with scums who somehow think it is ok to humiliate you.

Edited

He will have posted via royal mail so unsure about how a survey would work. I thought I could call and ask if X got a valentine card but that just seems daft
I thank you for your support x

OP posts:
Original poster
Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 13:12

Monkeytapper · 16/02/2024 12:54

Does he have DC with her and it was a card from the kids?

No and no

OP posts:
Original poster
Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 13:14

Monkeytapper · 16/02/2024 12:57

How do you know he sent a valentines card?, could he have been googling the address for another reason?

He googled the establishment, he knows where it is but I'm assuming probably needed the street number and postcode.
This was done straight after arriving at work, after I assume he's bought the card on his way in.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 13:15

manipulatrice · 16/02/2024 12:59

Let's be honest, he wouldn't just randomly send her a card out of the blue after 6 years.

So, there must be something else.

Oh the relationship goes back many years it's an ex from a long time ago, he possibly still has a thing about her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marbella7532 · 16/02/2024 13:16

Catapultaway · 16/02/2024 13:02

This is just bizarre. How come you recognise the address where she works, but he has to Google it.

Because I recognised he said that was where he said she works, I can't think why else he'd Google it as he knows where it is...

OP posts: