Sending his ex a valentine card?

[Marbella7532]

I'm only guessing as I could see that he'd googled the address of the shop where she works.
I can't think of another reason why he'd do that.
Should I call the shop up or is that stupid?
I can't think of any other way to find proof he did this...

That's really awful. I'd leave.

Eurgh. Why didn’t you tell him to bog off when this happened?

Are you happy to forever doubt him?

Well pretty sure she does, I read on an email last year that he told his friend he'd called in to "see if he still fancies her" apparently it was her day off, now I don't know if he's tried going back since or not hence my thoughts...

He's still got a thing for her clearly, whether it's a card or stalking her who knows but you've read the email for yourself and with his more recent search history, I don't think you need anymore evidence but rather what do you want to do about it.

There's obviously issues in your relationship if you check his Google search history. I wouldn't know what my husband searches and I don't need to know.

It's bizzare to think he'd send her a card, if they haven't been in contact over the last 6 years plus. It doesn't make sense.

It could just be curiosity on his part.

It's truly awful the trust issue.
I don't know where to go with it, I'm really struggling, I can't think straight.
I have genuinely got reasons for being so mistrustful however he hasn't helped with some of his actions, like reading about how he actually went out of his way to see her, I mean why would you do that?

@Marbella7532 sounds as if he googled for the postcode, like others have suggested.
Can you say more about what he said to his mate about visiting her shop to see if he still fancied her? What was all that about? Bravado with mates? How old is he?

I think if you have reasons for your mistrust it might be kinder on yourself to end the relationship and concentrate on your own happiness.

Why are you still with a person you haven't trusted for so long? Checking his Googling history is not healthy. Do you have children with this man? Either way, your relationship isn't healthy whether he is messing about or not, you are assuming he is. I think it's time to realise you are worth more than this relationship and leave it.

I think it would be mutually beneficial if you broke up to be honest.

Oh so checking his emails and google history is odd behaviour but the fact he leaves it unlocked and easily accessible to me would indicate that he has nothing to hide.

you need to just ask him if it bothers you so much, he can’t deny googling her work address as it’s there in black and white. Be prepared for some fall out though as I would not be impressed to find anyone checking up on me like that. Of course if he did send her a Valentine’s Day card then he is an arse and you need to just split up but as other have said you have made a massive leap in your thought process. There are many reasons he could have looked for the address, maybe he had recommended the shop to a friend, perhaps someone in the office asked him to do a quick search!

I really can't tell him I saw it on his history.

Why the fuck not? I wouldn't ask him anything, either. Tell him what you saw and then don't say a word. His reaction will tell you what you need to know.

However, why are you wasting your time with him in the first case? You don't trust him and you definitely aren't happy. Just leave him already.

I read on an email last year that he told his friend he'd called in to "see if he still fancies her" apparently it was her day off, now I don't know if he's tried going back since or not hence my thoughts...

Why are you putting yourself through this, OP? Just stop and look at what you're writing. Do you think that you've given it six years so you may as well continue? That would be madness. You don't need any man that badly.

From what you've written, you will be dropped if and when someone he likes better, is also keen.

You have no trust so what's the point, honestly?

What made you look through his search history in the first place?

Can't you just have it out with him?
Tell him the truth. More or less.

That you happened to notice he had searched his ex's workplace address a week before valentine's day and it's driving you nuts?

You don't trust him.
It's never going to work.

So he told a mate that he called in to the shop where she works last year to see if he still fancied her....

And you didn't leave then?

Seriously get some self respect and a backbone. Kick him out.

@Honeyroar and I agree. Are you sure you want to blow your life up over this? How about just keeping watch for further red flags? Op I saw a suspicious purchase myself on the credit card and then confirmed on email. I’m folllwing my own advice and watching. Nothing else fits as far as cheating. The purchase is very weird to me. I too will look at email history or his phone. I was cheated on in previous marriage so I will always be attentive. And honestly doesn’t mumsnet make you feel like men cheat all the time and you need to be vigilant? Sometimes I won’t even read certain threads because I know it’s going to kick start my paranoia. I very intentionally dated and married a man I consider very very unlikely to cheat. I very carefully evaluated his morals and character traits for years before marrying him. And yet here I am still looking at his email. I do strongly feel if you look thru someone’s/anyone’s phone or email you will find something you don’t like.

I have terrible paranoia can't you tell!!
I'm not going to go into my personal details on her on why I am like this, I'm sure posters might think differently if they knew me.
I don't like what I do, I feel bad but then I like to keep an eye on what's going on.
I'm watching waiting that's all I can do.
Ofc everyone says LTB but they don't know the background easy to say but unless you know the full history of it all.

Mumsnet can make you very paranoid. So so many posts about cheating. And so many posters responding rapidly knowing exactly what to do…you can’t help but feel they experienced it also. Don’t blow up your life or blow this out of proportion today. Be vigilant. You can always leave that’s always an option but maybe not the answer for today.

I'm sorry readers... have you all missed this from the Op...

I read on an email last year that he told his friend he'd called in to "see if he still fancies her" apparently it was her day off, now I don't know if he's tried going back since or not hence my thoughts...

Get rid OP. You're not bloody paranoid, his behaviour is appalling!

For what reason would he want to know if he still fancies her, or any other woman?

Seriously. LTB.

OP, nobody here cares whether you leave your partner or not. Whether we would leave them is immaterial but I can imagine it's pretty uncomfortable reading for you knowing that many of us think your prize is an absolute louse.

You've posted categorically how your partner is disregarding and demeaning you, checking to see whether his ex still fancies him. WTF. If that's ok for you then crack on, it's your life.

If you post here asking for views then expect to get them.

He had an agenda to sniff around his Ex to determine if he is still attracted to her … and he acknowledged this to a third party. @Marbella7532, this was beyond disrespectful to you, and are not the actions of a loyal, committed Partner.

I wouldn’t be staying with this loser.

So last year, 5 years into your relationship, he was calling in to her shop "to see if he still fancied her". Now he's Googling the exact address.

This behaviour is very disrespectful OP and you should consider whether this relationship is worth continuing.