How to survive husband's grumps

[mariaerr]

Been married 2.5 years with our lovely 2-year-old daughter in tow. Before tying the knot, my husband was all sunshine and rainbows, but post-wedding, he's turned into Mr. Grumpy Pants. Maybe it's the exhaustion from toddler wrangling, who knows?

We've been trying for baby #2 for over 6 months now. At first, hubby's swimmers weren't Olympic material, but after ditching his after-work pub routine, me cooking him lots of veg every night and popping some supplements, they shaped up. Still, no bun in the oven after several "normal" tests.

Lately, he's been on a grump rampage, nitpicking everything from my lunch-packing skills (too much fruit), the ingredients of his dinner (too much veg) to my cough keeping him up at night. Even innocently asking about his plans with friends gets an eye roll and a sigh.

I'm torn between saying 'screw it' to his food-related complaints and worrying he'll just order junk food if I stop cooking, and swimmers will get back to their previous poor state. Plus, I'm not keen to leave given my baby fever is in full swing and we do get on well most of the time.

Any tips on how to tackle this grumpy husband situation while keeping my sanity intact? Would love to hear from anyone who's been through similar rough patches!"

How do you know this? Did op say she's refused to cooperate with his own plan to raise his sperm count to make the baby they are trying for?

I don't. That's why I said 'might' 👍🏻

I normally agree with your posts, Watchkeysbut I do think, in this case, it might be her actions that he is reacting to

@GreyCarpet ? But is the grunting doing anything for either of them?

There are no 'shoulds', aside from laws. OP is running the relationship the way she wants. If he doesn't like it, he needs to say something, unless he's happy just grunting. It doesn't sound like he is. OP is saying what she wants, and doing what she wants. Her partner is suppressing a whole bunch of stuff and expressing it via passive aggressive communication.

OP doesn't actually know what his problem is, and neither do we. Maybe he doesn't like the micromanaging. Maybe he doesn't want more children. Maybe he hates eating so many vegetables. Maybe he misses the pub. Maybe he doesn't like the colour of his own socks. Nobody can fix his grumpiness until he starts to talk about it.

That was meant to start with 'I'm not disputing that @GreyCarpet ', not sure why it deleted the first bit.

Give the poor bloke some chips 😂

How do you know op has refused to leave him to his own plan? You said that was the case.

We've been trying for baby #2 for over 6 months now. At first, hubby's swimmers weren't Olympic material, but after ditching his after-work pub routine, me cooking him lots of veg every night and popping some supplements, they shaped up. Still, no bun in the oven after several "normal" tests.

Lately, he's been on a grump rampage, nitpicking everything from my lunch-packing skills (too much fruit), the ingredients of his dinner (too much veg) to my cough keeping him up at night. Even innocently asking about his plans with friends gets an eye roll and a sigh.

I read these two paragraphs and used my inference skills.

You might draw a different conclusion but that's OK. Because inference skills are a combination of your own experience and clues in the text 👍🏻

She wouldn't have taken to packing his lunches with extra fruit and cooking him lots of veg every night if she didn't believe that would help the quality of his sperm.

She also claims that there has been an improvement.

Ergo, she is motivated by an understanding of healthy eating and evidence that there has been an improvement based on increased sperm quality.

Presumably, that diet is an improvement on the one he had before that was, presumably, his own choice given he's an adult.

Presumably, she also wants this second baby they've talked about so she will be motivated to continue with any lifestyle change she has perceived to improve this.

He appears to have some issues with it given his complaints.

She is unhappy about that given she is posting on MN about it.

So she is not happy to just let him go back to the diet he had before. In case this reduces the quality of her sperms and she doesn't become pregnant.

I have inferred that from the fact that otherwise, she'd have just let him eat what he wants and not maintained this change or making his lunches or cooking lots of veg for him.

👍🏻

Maybe he hates eating so many vegetables. Maybe he misses the pub.

I quite like vegetables. I also like beer and going to the pub.

I think if someone made me eat 'lots' of vegetables and stopped me from going to the pub, I'd probably be a bit narked too!

I agree he needs to speak to her but we don't know that he hasn't.

I just wonder if maybe the OP has got a bit over zealous.

I see. You inferred all that, but I learned from OP's words that the dietary changes were taken from medical advice given by a doctor to a man with low sperm count who is part of a couple trying for a baby.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5008839-is-this-a-normal-amount-of-grumpiness-for-a-sleep-deprived-dad

OPs other thread with additional context (and a unanimous 3 pages of 'get off him')

I don't understand why you would want another child with this man.

Has he had his hormones checked? My ex who drank alot was very low in zinc due to him weeing it out when drinking. Zinc makes testosterone and his was low and hence he was going into early male menopause at 40 and hence why he was so irritable and grumpy. Maybe just ask him why he's grumpy? Is he feeling like he's not allowed to do anything or eat what he wants anymore?

perhaps he's reverting to childish mode in response to your interventions?

relationship sounds like parent child (ick)

mr grumpy pants wtf???? double ick

Why do you want to have a child from a man you have to walk on egg shells around? He should be grateful for your packed lunches - he’s not a child! I used to do the same for my ExH. After we had second child I was up all night with her once and still managed to iron his shirt in the morning plus get older dd ready for school on zero sleep. He took issue that my ironing wasn’t good enough so from that day he did his own ironing as lack of appreciation was too much! I would think carefully about about her child .: maybe see if his behavior improves as he adjusts to family life?

When OP starts a third thread on the same issue as she again doesn't like what she is being told, can someone let me know. TIA.

It feels, after reading this and your other thread, you are so tunnel visioned about having another baby that it's taking over your life. Relax, let him have a pint or two (although obviously not at the pub every night because that's shit of any married bloke with kids), stop cooking and making his lunches (you're not his mum) and he might be less grumpy and you might suddenly find baby no,2 on the way.
(FWiW my dh hates vegetables. Didn't make the slightest bit of difference to us conceiving)