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Original poster

‘See where it goes’

58 replies

Holibobby · 15/02/2024 09:04

I’ve been dating a guy for only 3 weeks but he has been super keen, to the point where I have been taken back by how keen he has been. I’ve started to get use to it and started to quite enjoy the attention from him and I’ve really started to like him.

Then yesterday I felt a big change, it was Valentine’s Day and the way he gushes over text was expecting atleast a card - he said he wanted to come over so he did and he took me out treated me to a really nice lunch. after our dates he will always message saying how much he likes me etc or say how much he enjoyed the date. Didn’t get any of that apart from another happy valentines message and heart.

so I messaged him last night and said we’ve never really spoke about it before but what is it you’re looking for and he hit me with the dreaded ‘to date someone and see where it goes’. Hate that line. so I’m already thinking maybe he’s not actually after a relationship like he has made out.

He told me at the meal that his mum keeps asking about his dating life so I said how is your dating life going and he said yeah good and just laughed. He’s been quite nervous on our dates but he normally relaxes but just seemed even more nervous but putting it down to him not having alcohol as it was middle of the day.

it’s got me questioning is he just seeing this as a casual thing now. The day before he asked me if I would go away with him for his birthday in March, and he’s making plans for the summer with me in it. but yesterday he just seemed bit different. He has been saying he wants me to introduce me to his friends and it’s their engagement party at weekend and I was kind of waiting for an invite (even though this early on I don’t think I would invite him to something with me)

I need to remember it’s literally been 3 weeks (5 dates) - he just seems a little different to how full on he was. Just wondering if anyone else has been faced with the ‘see where it goes’

OP posts:
Cinai · 15/02/2024 09:12

Hard to say, it sounds about right after only 3 weeks, but I get that’s it’s confusing if he was full on at the beginning. I’d usually say ‘I enjoy our dates, let’s see where it goes’ if I date someone and they ask me early on where I’m at.
Could it be that he saw that it was too much too early for you and he tries to tune it back a bit? But of course there’s also the other possibility that he’s lost interest / speaks to someone else. Maybe you need to give it a bit more time and see how he is in the next days/weeks. If he’s really cooled down and doesn’t seem interested anymore, then move on.

jolies1 · 15/02/2024 09:20

3 weeks / 5 dates is too soon to be making any decisions. Relax and “see how it goes” for a few weeks. If you feel he is losing interest or you feel it’s not for you move on. If he was full-on at the beginning it could be a bit of a warning sign, equally he might just have been really excited to meet someone he likes a lot and is now calming down into what is more regular behaviour early on in a relationship.

I think a happy Valentine’s Day text is enough after 3 weeks personally - I would find anything else a bit smothering.

SamW98 · 15/02/2024 09:25

Is this a new guy or still the one you started several previous threads about? Regardless I think you’re over analysing everything about dating to start so many threads in such a short time questioning everything he says and does. Just relax a bit and go with the flow. You’ll drive yourself mad looking too deeply into it this soon.

Personally I think a valentines card after 3 dates would be way too much and not a realistic expectation.

As for ‘see how it goes’ I think that’s absolutely normal. It’s how I approach dating.

Original poster
Holibobby · 15/02/2024 09:27

@SamW98 The same guy

OP posts:
EBearhug · 15/02/2024 09:33

The whole point of dating is to see where it goes, surely? It's getting to know each other. He might be nervous you're not as keen as he is. He might be nervous he feels strongly about you and it's only been three weeks. The only thing you van do is to keep dating and see how it goes (or break up, if it's too much or not what you want.)

Original poster
Holibobby · 15/02/2024 09:38

Yeah I guess dating is to see where things are going. I was expecting him to say he wanted to date me but because it was so vague ‘date someone and see where it goes’ Its made me question a few things. Im a massive over thinker. He said last week in conversation that he was dating me so he has dropped it in there, I’m just thinking why the sudden change

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 15/02/2024 09:40

I'd say its no coincidence that he starts cooling off, just when he might be getting an inkling that you like him. He's a love-bomber. Once he thinks he has you, he will pull back and may well move on, but before then he's full of charm. If you haven't been intimate yet, don't be.
Ether end it now if it's making you uncomfortable or cool it a bit yourself. Do not under any circumstances chase him for more. Take any future plans he talks of with a pinch of salt and assume he's future faking to hook you, don't agree with plans, just say, "we'll see, maybe, bit soon to know etc". You will find out soon enough where he's at, just don't invest meantime - and carry on dating as it sounds like he is.

Opentooffers · 15/02/2024 09:43

Carry on dating others I mean as I bet he is.

Original poster
Holibobby · 15/02/2024 10:07

@Opentooffers That’s my biggest fear is that he’s a love bomber - I’ve been there before and it took me so long to get over that. I’m really wary of that sort of behaviour but feel like I’ve fell for it. Here’s to hoping he is genuine and I’m just overthinking. I’ve been carefree on all our dates becuase I genuinely am until I start to like someone, just annoyed that I’ve shown him I like him and now I feel like it’s changed things. I’m just going to cook it off now, just don’t want that to make him come on stronger if he’s a love bomber

OP posts:
Original poster
Holibobby · 15/02/2024 10:09

@Opentooffers i don’t think he’s dating others, that’s one thing I don’t think. He’s been on holiday for his mates wedding come home and come straight to me and he sent me his work rota the other day to plan our dates around his shifts. Doesn’t seem like he has any other time to date but then again I could be very wrong.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 15/02/2024 10:21

You can always ask him if he's exclusive op. It's unclear if you're having sex with him but personally I'd want to know before I did so. And I think see where it goes it perfectly reasonable, that's all he CAN do. He can't say well I intend to marry and have three kids with you because it's too early.

Babla · 15/02/2024 10:25

I think you are way over thinking this after such a short time! Just relax and see how it goes

C00k · 15/02/2024 10:26

You've met this guy for a few hours but have so many threads and posts about him. You shouldn't be dating if it's making you this paranoid and obsessive, have you done any work at all on your standards and self worth? Why not just focus on your kid instead?

This level of obsession is not healthy.

SamW98 · 15/02/2024 10:28

I get you’re an over thinker OP but this is the 4/5 thread you’ve started asking about this guy and you’ve only had 3 dates. You’re in danger of driving yourself mad over analysing every word and action and you’ll push him away if you keep questioning every little detail.

Just try to chill, enjoy your dates and go with the flow. Don’t look too far into the future and shut down conversations making plans way ahead. Take each date as it comes.

Dont take this the wrong way but I would question if you’re in the right headspace for dating right now as this level of over analysis isn’t healthy.

ComingHome24 · 15/02/2024 10:33

I don’t think you can tell so early on. Maybe he felt a bit of pressure because it was Valentine's and he knew it was too soon to be really romantic or maybe he thought that’s what you wanted. I think what he said was fine tbh. It’s three weeks!!

Meagainnewname · 15/02/2024 10:37

you’ve known him 3 weeks and you’re upset because you’ve not had a valentine’s card 🤣
oh dear!

Duh · 15/02/2024 10:44

OP you have posted more threads about this man than you’ve had dates with him!

It’s not healthy to overanalyse like this - get out of your head and enjoy your life.

samestyle · 15/02/2024 10:48

I don't think there is anything wrong with see how it goes but if you are sleeping together then it's fair enough to ask for exclusivity while seeing how it goes, then it will become clear further down the line whether it's a relationship or not.
For now he's still making the effort and wanting to date you so just go with it and try not be pessimistic about it.
Time will tell if he follows through with plans on meeting friends and holidays although it seems you're not quite ready for that now anyway.

Seas164 · 15/02/2024 10:58

Run a mile. While the whole point of dating is to see where it goes, and I've got cheese in my fridge that's been there longer than three weeks, he is a love bomber and you run a mile.

What happens now is that you wonder what's "wrong" why he's withdrawn all his affection and start chasing him, doubting yourself, wondering what you need to do to get it back to how it was. He then calls you crazy, tells you that you're imagining it. You get to the point where you've had enough, and end it, and then, he will love bomb you again to reel you back in. You've experienced it before, you know something feels off, trust your gut.

jolies1 · 15/02/2024 11:14

samestyle · 15/02/2024 10:48

I don't think there is anything wrong with see how it goes but if you are sleeping together then it's fair enough to ask for exclusivity while seeing how it goes, then it will become clear further down the line whether it's a relationship or not.
For now he's still making the effort and wanting to date you so just go with it and try not be pessimistic about it.
Time will tell if he follows through with plans on meeting friends and holidays although it seems you're not quite ready for that now anyway.

Yes - there’s a difference between letting him know you don’t start sexual relationships with anyone unless you are exclusively seeing each other (so he can choose to confirm he is only seeing you, or agree to wait for sex) and having to label a relationship after 3 weeks.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/02/2024 11:25

Men can happily love bomb without long term intentions as connections feel so good

Original poster
Holibobby · 15/02/2024 12:40

It’s been 5 dates over 3 weeks. I’m guess I’m just trying to figure out how soon into things do you realise he’s a love bomber.

Yeah I’ve written a lot of posts about this guy but ultimately that’s what these boards are for to state a problem and get a response.

I know I am fully over analysing everything but I’ve been hurt and I’m trying to avoid that as much as possible in the future, obviously that’s the risk with dating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Holibobby · 15/02/2024 12:49

Forgot to mention we were intimate and slept together on date number 3 and again that’s another worry. Although he seemed to ramp up the messages etc after it

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 15/02/2024 12:49

@Holibobby step away from trying to label this to within an inch of it's life. What will that achieve? Yes you are massively over thinking this.

You can't control your feelings towards him and over-analysing him and his behaviour means nothing. Accomplishes nothing. Apart from maybe hinting that you're not really ready to date anyone, casually or otherwise.

He does sound like a love-bomber and/or future faker to me. He might be enjoying the thrill of the chase. Who knows? Nobody, maybe not even him.

You can only go on how being with him makes you feel as a barometer as to whether to carry on seeing him.

If you're confused or anxious about him and his behaviour, or any guy you date, then they're not the one for you.

Duh · 15/02/2024 12:58

Holibobby · 15/02/2024 12:40

It’s been 5 dates over 3 weeks. I’m guess I’m just trying to figure out how soon into things do you realise he’s a love bomber.

Yeah I’ve written a lot of posts about this guy but ultimately that’s what these boards are for to state a problem and get a response.

I know I am fully over analysing everything but I’ve been hurt and I’m trying to avoid that as much as possible in the future, obviously that’s the risk with dating.

No you should just update your original thread. I think the reason you keep posting is because you don’t like the answers you are getting.