Page 3 | I am the ‘crazy’ abusive ex

Pompomtree · 2024-02-13T20:01:22+00:00

I am the crazy ex. I am the completely unreasonable woman that drove him to cheat repeatedly. I was just so awful. I am the reason he left his children and hardly sees them. I am unhinged and make his life unnecessarily hard. This is what the other women thought of me at the time. Any one else been in this club?

FMSucks · 14/02/2024 18:55

Another crazy loon here too! Apparently I was controlling, never let him go anywhere, nagged him yet he was away for 10 times more holidays than I ever was (was in Italy 3 times the year my DS2 was born and DS1 was 2 years of age, while i had awful PND but no he needed a break because his work was so busy). Would go down to his hometown every second weekend for the whole weekend drinking with his mates and I was not ALLOWED to call him.

He was physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually and financially abusive, not to mention a gaslighting and stonewalling bastard but yet told everyone he was the “puppy being kicked in the corner.”

He’s met someone else and I am honestly terrified for the poor woman. He will destroy her.

Thank you OP, it was good to get that out!

mummysquasher · 14/02/2024 19:07

Me too!

I'm so crazy I was in a psychiatric hospital...he missed out the bit about me actually working there 🙄

My two immediate predecessors were also crazy. At the time I believed him obviously. Funny how all three of us have gone on to have fantastic careers after we extricated ourselves from him. He's still exactly where he was 20 years ago. I guess the whole world must have gone mad 🤣

Any reference to a "crazy ex" is an immediate red flag / swipe left for me now.

User135644 · 14/02/2024 19:14

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 14/02/2024 09:39

In my exes case because he is extremely convincing and manipulative.

He has had children with two women after me. I trapped him… The one he married turned psycho after being married... The one after that went mental during pregnancy…

He has no contact with any of his 7 children, not even my adult two, yet he apparently has another new girlfriend who has been taken in by him and she’s going to help him fight for access to his children despite the fact he’s never been stopped seeing any of them

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How does he get all these women?

SoRainbowRhythms · 14/02/2024 19:59

Their accusations are admissions.

Oof. That got me @HippyCritical

SoRainbowRhythms · 14/02/2024 20:00

duende · 14/02/2024 17:53

Thank you for starting this thread, it is a balm for my bruised heart and head.

I am earlier on this journey than many of you. How do I make myself stronger and more resilient against the horrible, unfair shite I get from him?

I hate conflict, it gives me anxiety, I generally a very peaceful, compromising person but this time I am having to stand up for myself and the kids and the level of stress is awful.

I'm not far into this dreadful journey but my support network has made me stronger than I could ever imagine. Surround yourself with good people and you'll get through it x (even though you are obviously crazy and mean 😅)

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 14/02/2024 20:00

User135644 · 14/02/2024 19:14

How does he get all these women?

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Because as I said he is extremely convincing and manipulative. Until he’s conned you personally a couple of times you just don’t see it.

He is pillar of the community type. People love him.

His mother still has a relationship with my daughters, at her effort, and he’s managed to convince some of their extended family that she’s been disloyal to him by doing that.

He could sell anything to anyone that one.

Ohyeahwaitaminute · 14/02/2024 21:00

@HippyCritical Yes, pick your battles and remain BUSINESS LIKE during every exchange you have with him. Don’t give him a chink…a slither…of emotion.
Hang around MN. You’ll have plenty of support.

NervousButExcited · 14/02/2024 21:23

I can't believe I'm in this club, I was so, so happy it all came completely out of the blue and left me absolutely devastated 😔

Why do they lie?? I just don't understand?
I never did any of the things I've been accused of but apparently the truth doesn't matter...

socks1107 · 14/02/2024 21:43

I'm in this club, I'm crazy, mentally unstable and want all his money. I'm also an awful parent and he's a much better parent, so awful he has to see them on birthdays only as that's being a better parent. He's so concerned about them that's how little he turns up.
I'm also in a different social class a apparently

SoRainbowRhythms · 15/02/2024 06:49

🤣

Dweetfidilove · 15/02/2024 06:58

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/02/2024 23:23

Me.

I made him cheat by not simply ignoring the fact that he cheated. By getting angry and upset about it and making him face and admit to what he did, I made him do it.

No, I dont understand either, this logic requires at least a time machine! But he is absolutely convinced of his narrative. If I ever said "But I didnt get angry about you cheating until AFTER you cheated" he would say (wish I was joking) "Oh very convenient".....I dont understand that either.

Sweet Jesus 😂🤦🏾‍♀️

SunflowerSeeds123 · 15/02/2024 07:23

I'm the crazy ex who is a selfish bitch and who ruined his mental health because apparently I wanted my things my way all the time and I didn't give him enough sex, nor did I let him make 'any decisions at all. (Except where we lived, where we went on holiday, etc etc)

Which is why he emotionally abused me for 20+ years.

I am the crazy ex whose mother is also a controlling bitch who taught me nothing being emotionally available to men, apparently.

I'm the crazy ex who went out to work mental hours to pay for the very flat he lived in whilst he held the baby, and I am a shit parent for doing so.

I'm still early in the process too. I'm the crazy ex who wised up and will not take his manipulative behaviour anymore, therefore I am completely unhinged.

He was broken before I met him, because of his upbringing, and I thought (being young & naïve) that I could fix him. Ha!

SunflowerSeeds123 · 15/02/2024 07:27

Heavens I forgot!

I'm the crazy ex who will take all the money and our child to live with me because that's women, they take and take and always get everything and the man gets nothing. All women are users.

Bloatstoat · 15/02/2024 08:43

I had this after splitting from an abusive ex in my early 20s, all our joint uni friends believed him and just like that all those friendships gone, it still hurts 20 years later. It's nothing to what everyone here has been through though.

I'm really posting to share what happened with the previous owner of our house, which we bought after the couple who owned it divorced. We had been in for two days when the husband popped in on a flimsy excuse and stayed for a good half hour before we could get rid of him, running down his 'crazy' ex and blaming every issue with the sale, even those further up the chain, on her. I could not believe the effort he had gone to to try to poison two people who would realistically never meet her against his poor ex. Obviously he was the one who came off looking derranged, but you cannot underestimate the capacity of these bastards for spreading hate.

roses321 · 15/02/2024 10:45

mummysquasher · 14/02/2024 19:07

Me too!

I'm so crazy I was in a psychiatric hospital...he missed out the bit about me actually working there 🙄

My two immediate predecessors were also crazy. At the time I believed him obviously. Funny how all three of us have gone on to have fantastic careers after we extricated ourselves from him. He's still exactly where he was 20 years ago. I guess the whole world must have gone mad 🤣

Any reference to a "crazy ex" is an immediate red flag / swipe left for me now.

It's funny how they forget a few details for context.

Apparently I got sacked from my last job for being a navel gazing snowflake but he forgot that I actually handed in my resignation because mass redundancies were being made and whilst I wasn't being made redundant I didn't want to risk it, I also got a new job straight after and even went away for a couple of days with my sister between jobs. I also earned more than him too.

But no. I got sacked apparently.

His ex was mentally ill like me, she was absolutely mental apparently had "issues" and then suddenly when I was deemed "mentally ill" she apparently wasn't so bad.

The odd thing is he was laughing telling me that he was out in the garden kicking the shit out of a kitchen bin that apparently she'd "gone mental about because he bought the wrong one" and oddly that didn't raise any flags for me at the time.

Rainbow03 · 15/02/2024 11:24

I’m a crazy ex lol! I think I’m called worse but whatever.

Exhaustedineedhelp · 15/02/2024 19:32

I am too! When we split because he cheated, apparently I was the one cheating thats what he told all his family. Anyways he took the kids for a two night stay. But then turned up with them after one night. Luckily I was in but I dared to say to him. Why have you brought them back? Whats happening?. This result in him calling me a hoar and throwing bags of sweets at me while the kids watched. I got fed up at this point so I reported him to the police. Later they went to have a word with him at his house. Where he was smoking weed he was aggressive and shouting at them that I was a bitch etc and he ended up getting arrested couldn't have happened to a nicer bloke. He's a joke and its 20 years since I gave a shit now.

Thepossibility · 15/02/2024 20:02

My DM is still the crazy ex according to my Dad and stepmother.
That she dared be upset that her DH got with her “best" friend is still met with much eye rolling 30 years later.
And she must still be obsessed with him because they still see her driving around locally. Obviously trying to catch a glimpse of him, the prince she lost. In the town her whole family still lives in.

Rainbow03 · 15/02/2024 20:11

…..

Rainbow03 · 15/02/2024 20:11

Wrong thread!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/02/2024 21:05

Wow I have loved reading this... sorry you've all been through it to but it's a good reminder that it's really him not me ! Xxx

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/02/2024 21:09

Pompomtree · 14/02/2024 16:38

so many of us in the

Bad Wives and Partners Club!

Coincidental it’s the same old same over and over…

They cheat and you are abusive for reacting and calling them out on their behaviour.

A bad mother for putting the children first. Or the accusation of weaponising the children.

Abusive for standing up for yourself and saying enough is enough. Add in the branding you as a narcissist for good measure.

Lazy women. Did not work hard enough. Keep the house clean enough, despite spinning 100 plates while he just focuses on work and nothing more.

You didn’t give enough affection. Ignorance to it being a two way street and you are so busy spinning those 100 plates…

They were unhappy for years. But had a baby two years ago and another two before that. And wanted those children.

Reality usually caught out cheating or being a shit and can’t possibly accept accountability or any responsibility for their crap behaviour and actions.

If he even had a stable job...

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/02/2024 21:10

Epidote · 14/02/2024 16:56

I am the witch of the west. He is Dorothy.
He is a victim of the universe that is against him since birth. Everyone is in the wrong and against him. Shame that he is wasting his time playing video games, if he had put all his intellect and cleverness into science he easily could had won two Nobel prizes by now.

This is also very familiar!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/02/2024 21:13

manipulatrice · 14/02/2024 17:40

I'm sure I was probably the crazy ex, I know I was the "bitchy new wife" to his ex as I wouldn't put up with her shit.

I wonder what I was to his mistress? Probably the pathetic wife that doesn't pay him any attention, that was old and had a couple of kids and didn't know how to care for my man.

Vom.

I think young child free women can just want a man to commit and have a baby with them so badly that it seems so strange to them that a woman who has a man who 'gave' her this fairy tail dream isn't a doting grateful sexually available cooking cleaning wife. They have no idea about the dynamics of relationships after kids, the mental load etc etc

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/02/2024 21:15

duende · 14/02/2024 17:53

Thank you for starting this thread, it is a balm for my bruised heart and head.

I am earlier on this journey than many of you. How do I make myself stronger and more resilient against the horrible, unfair shite I get from him?

I hate conflict, it gives me anxiety, I generally a very peaceful, compromising person but this time I am having to stand up for myself and the kids and the level of stress is awful.

Drashleysouthard on insta is a good one to follow