Calling Madamez and any other sex experts - What is normal for a woman's sexual peak?

[TooHornyForMyHubby]

Not really sure where to start here. Basically, I am horny as hell and can't really understand where it has all come from.

I am 29 and suddenly I just want sex anytime, any place. And not just any old sex, but a dirty, lustful kind of sex.

Fortunately, most of this attention is focused on my husband. I still fancy the pants off him. The problem is that he has never had a very high sex drive. In the past we have just about muddled through, but now I just want it so much more than him.

The sex we have is fantastic and I'd love to have more of it, but as that ain't happening my mind is starting to wander.

Is this kind of sexual peak at all normal for a woman?!?!?

yes, came from 'i eat boys fro breakfast'.

i actually menat that my baby boys are delectable, but hey, ive had my fair share of big boys for brekkie too. lol.

dont know what to say to you re your prob- sorry!

Maybe the fact that you've been with your husband since you were 17 has something to do with you lusting after men. Perhaps your subconscious is making you wonder what it would be like with someone else or even more than just someone else...

Perhaps you don't really just want more and more sex with your husband but others too.

I'm not advocating being unfaithful here, I'm just playing devils advocate.

You're only 29 ow and 17 is very youg to hang your boots up sexually so to speak ad pledge yorself to a monogonous relationship with one partner.

I actually think that human being are only animals after all and very few animals are monogomous - quite the opposite in fact they're very promiscuous.

Maybe your feeligs are all a part of biological programming and are quite natural.

I didn't marry until I was 31 and had several sexual partners before that so the whole wondering what it might be like with other men thing held no fascination for me.

Just a thought anyway. I hope your husband either decides to put out a bit more or this feeling passes.

Interesting Gunnerbean.

Cave Woman!

There is something positively Jean M. Auel about that! (The Clan of the Cave Bear)
I remember a scene from the film where the man drags the heroine (daryll hannah) by the hair and has sex with her.

I was hoping I was a little more sophisticated than that....

I am QuintessentialShadow. The cave reference is my EASTER name...

sorry sorry sorry - I was just looking for something quick to type!!
The scene you describe is quite apt for the topic though.

Gunnerbean is very sensible and has a very good point. Do you think this still holds true when I did actually have a couple of other blokes during a time when we split briefly when we were still very young (before settling down)?

Thinking about it, they were all really just drunken fumbles though. What I want now is good quality more experienced sex and I've certainly never had that with anyone else.

well im certainly glad i played the field, so to speak.

And you know, that is something us married women will have only in our dreams, unless we find a way of doing it with our dh's, or find away to change our monogamouns relationships into something more extrovert together with our dhs, with swinging, as I am sure madamez will not hesitate to tell you about.

I played the field. Just the wrong field.

ah QS, thats a shame.
i played lots of fields
thought id better cover my bases, so to speak.

my mum told me her first ever O with another person was at age 40. after she and my dad divorced. NO WAY was i going to let that happen to me.

BoysOnToast - You've just made me realise something that had never even entered my head before. I have never orgasmed with anybody else!!! I have slept with a couple of other blokes but like I say they were just drunken fumbles.

Can't believe I had never even realised this before!
Now I feel even more sex starved.

OP, late 30s or so is about a woman's sexual peak, generally. And a man's is, equally generally and allegedly, at about 19. That's the basic biology, but everyone is different. What you do next is, well, have a bit of a chat (or probably more than one) with your DP/DH. About what you'd like, and about what he'd like, and about what both of you would be prepared to try to please the other one, and about what is totally off limits for one or both of you. Some people do experiment with swinging at this sort of stage, and it's very much worth noting that quite a few couples go along to swingers parties/sex clubs with a mutual agreement to enjoy the atmosphere and not to have sex with anyone else. SOme people regularly go to sex/swing clubs just because an evening spent around other people bonking like mad is a turn on and the couple will go home and bonk each other like mad.

Have to say though, if your DP responds to any suggestions of even talking about it with 'what's wrong with you, you'r a married mother you disgusting weird slut' then your relationship is in trouble.

omg, what have i done? sorry m'dear. sounds like you have some serious matters to consider...

madamez is so smart.

do waht M says.

fawn fawn

lol

Yooohooo - BOT - I came back

again. I am too young for my sexual peak?!?!? Jeez - that can't be right

Seriously though, I don't think the kind of swinging thing is really my cup of tea. I don't think my husband would be particularly into it either.

Can I just go out and have a sneaky shag with very tasty bloke, get it all out of my system and then continue with happy marriage, nobody any the wiser???

[hopeful face]

How often do you have sex? If it's once a fortnight then you're right to be unhappy about it. If it's every other day then it sounds like it's not the quantity but his lack of initiation of it and the dull ness of it. In that case may be watch some porn together or try some new things. Do you talk to him about your sexual fantasies?

If I don't bother to initiate anything then, we can easily go weeks or even months without it. If I work hard at it, we can sometimes have sex twice a week for a while.

Whenever we get into one of these phases, hubby always says how good it is and how easy it is to get out of the habit but that then once you get going again you realise what you're missing...etc..etc...

BUT, he can still hardly ever be arsed to initiate it and I just feel like such a twunt for practically begging for it half the time.

Prior to meeting Very Tasty Man this used to make me quite depressed. Now I am just spending more and more time thinking about said tasty man and getting quite excited.

No, you can't go out and shag this other bloke...unless you are prepared for the fall out.

I have been with my dh since I was 17 too, and can say I have felt like you in terms of 'Is the grass greener?'

Would your dh be up for a really frank discussion about your sex life, perhaps after a couple of glasses of wine. Get him to open up about what he really finds sexy...he sounds quite shy and reserved. Perhaps he just needs to find his 'voice' if you like, in the sack.

Ask him what what he really likes...tell him what you really like. See what happens. He might turn into a bodice ripper, you never know. tell him how he turns you on, and how he can turn you on. Sometimes men need it spelling out for them.

i think swinging clubs may be for a little later down the line, btw!!

THFMH: Well, you can go out and shag whoever it is you fancy the pants off. Presumably your DH doesn't lock you in or anything. But are you prepared for the subsequent fallout? Have you ever had a discussion with your current DH about how much monogamy either of you expects of the other? Some people with low libidos are quite happy for their partners to have sex with others as long as it's just sex/openly discussed/safe sex, for some people, even kissing another person would be an absolute relationship breaker. Most people operate under an assumption that 'monogamy is right' without ever discussing whether that's how they really feel or even whether they agree on what does or does not breach monogamy (having dinner with someone else? Being alone in the same room as someone of the relevant gender? Dancing is OK, kissing is not? Oral sex is OK but penetrative sex is not?)
Do you love your partner or does he piss you off in a lot of other ways? Can you talk to him without feeling that he is going to laugh at you or be appalled? Basically, is your relationship fine apart from your extra urges?

I have sort of been trying that kind of thing for quite a while now, and to be honest it has sort of worked a bit. It is very slow and gradual though. Kind of like 2 steps forward, 1 step back all the time. Just lately things have been pretty good.

But my sex drive has suddenly gone through the roof. Strange that this has coincided with meeting of Very Tasty Man

Hubby knows how I feel about sex (and the lack of). Do you think it is possible to somehow make him realise that I am thinking of shagging somebody else without actually saying it and obviously having big bust up?

Hi Madamez,

Our relationship has been through many many very bad times, but we have always worked through it and the last couple of years have been really great. I have never been tempted elsewhere before. Baffles me as to why I suddenly feel like this now when we are getting on better than ever lately.

I wonder if knowing you fancy someone else will suddenly make him want to drag you to bed...or it may break his confidence even more.

I have a feeling it would just make him angry. No idea how that would affect things sexually

THFMH, if you are getting on well, then that's good. You may just be having a crush on someone (being monogamous doesn't make you completely bllind to attractive other people). How would you feel if your DH said to you that he was feeling the way you are feeling now? If you would be hurt and horrified, then tell him you are horny without mentioning other man. If you would find the idea of him lusting over some hypothetical other woman a turn on (ie a honry shared bedtime story) then share and enjoy if you think he would be up for it. It might be worth getting hold of some rude literature or indeed rude DVDs unless one or both of you has a big problem with 'porn'. Explicit/suggestive entertainment matierial is often a good way of opening up discussion with a partner.