Are these narcissism traits?

[sarahappleton284]

Example 1)
Me: I might join the gym on a month to month basis; but it doesn't cover sauna/jacuzzi
him: Good job you don't like Jacuzzis
Me: I do like Jacuzzis?
Him: Okay

Makes me think I have caused an issue just because I am correcting him ABOUT MY OWN OPINION. Now he thinks I am starting an argument. I sit here and question my own reality/wonder if the way I said it was wrong??/did i say i dont like jacuzzis previously, questioning myself??!!

Example 2)
Me: I need to go back in the house I forgot my reading glasses
him: omg you really are a disaster aren't you?!
me: you didn't need to say it like that; i just forgot them
him: but babe you need to use your common sense
me: your being rude
him: okay

Example 3)
me: the way you spoke to me was sarcastic/rude
him: well what did you do to make me react that way?

Another thing I have noticed is he is all smiles and laughter and talkative around friends and family; but when its just us alone he hardly speaks; and makes me feel I am demanding for wanting conversations behind closed doors etc.

I actually think narcisism is under diagnosed, the world is full of people with narcissitic traits in all walks of life a power play with crueler types doing extremely well in this consumeristic world.

I would say it's harder to come across people who are guinuinely nice. It's the world we live in but living with it and spending your life with one in such close proximity is very damaging in the least, it could be a parent, siblings, collagues, they leave their mark but you have more chance of getting away from them. Narcism wears people down in the home and for much of the early years the victim won't have a clue what's happening.
If someone comes to a site asking questions then you know their world has been filled with confusion, happy people don't search for answers, they just don't.

There will be something different that you can't pinpoint in the early days but you know by the differences in other peopes reltionships that something is off.

There is a 'missing' in their responses.

Sounds
like he's not particularly happy. And neither are you.. so focus on
what you want to do next, not whether he is/isn't a narcissist.

But he is happy, this is exactly how they live with their primary partners and how they would live with future partners.

Again blaming the innocent party as though op is responsible for his unhappiness., she's not, what op must understand is there is nothing she could do, act or behave to make him content with her, it's an unobtainable dream.

You need to care about your own happiness, you are being conditioned to not recognise your own needs, let alone act on them.

@PatronisingCalm Send you a msg

ThegameEXPOSEDpodcast ## on youtube,

brutal truthful, incisive-
in a plethora of often ludicrous YT cod psychology,
she is astonishing.
I recommend to anyone wondering… “is it me, or?”

I agree. I think this is his 'normal', because I often wonder why he hasn't ended it if he hates me as much as it feels. Then of course, when I do call him out on the behaviour (the same behaviour why people are saying he isn't happy) I have taken it wrong/or he is acting that way because of me.

Or you will hear "if it's that bad why havn't you left"

I'm afraid this is the bottom line.

I would suggest building your confidence up without hoping any succour, help or support will come from him.

Do not expect him to change, do not wait for the nice bit to return, the bad bits are the real him, and the frightening thing is the bad bits will become worse. Once he knows you are on to him and his manipulation tactics the abuse ramps up to retain the control.

Do not worry about losing him, he will do the same in his next relationship, he cannot make others happy in primary relationships, trust me.

He hasn't ended it because you're his victim.
Why would a cat let a mouse go?

If he leaves he has to find a whole new victim to start all over brainwashing into staying with him again.

Often people think 'it seems like he hares me but that can't be right because why would he stay?'. The same reason behind why school bullies keep bullying. They love hurting you.

I think you're looking for a box to slot him in because you're not confident about your own sense of what's right & what's wrong. It doesn't really matter why he's being unpleasant really in this case. What matters is that he'd being unpleasant, you feel belittled, and that he never has your back. That's a big problem. I think you are more concerned about being fair and reasonable that he is about treating you lovingly and decently.

As far as I'm concerned, if you can't trust someone, and you don't feel like they're on your side, feel like they don't support you, and are always ready with a smirk to mock or belittle you, you don't feel like you can bring your problems to them......and then you don't have a romantic relationship. You have something that seems like it, a kind of strange, unequal partnership of sorts, where you feel close to them, but that's not the same as a romantic relationship.

Imagine if you were going into business with someone - would you do that if you felt like they were always on their side, like you almost had to watch your back around them? That they undermined or belittled your input and business ideas. Probably not.......

@PatronisingCalm It's such an own-goal to say things like that. They don't care about their partner enough to inhibit their own behaviour, so they push them right to the edge, seeing exactly how much they can get away with, until their partner actually leaves them and then it's all tears and promises to improve. It's only when something they want is taken away from them do they actually do something about themselves, and that usually speaks for itself.

By that time, many people will have checked out, and having seen their partners true colours, aren't interested in seeing any more.

Thank you. That’s a good way to put it about going into business with someone like that. Heck no. Honestly, I think I blame myself because a few months ago I moved back home because things were bad , we would argue everyday, I said I would move back when we stopped arguing. Anyway we haven’t stopped arguing. I go and stay with him weeks at a time but it’s never great and the arguments continue and stupid stuff, the negativity continues. But he is saying he is only acting that way towards me BECAUSE I haven’t moved back in yet. He is saying that he resents me and doesn’t care anymore and is being that way BECAUSE he is so angry and feels like I lied to him about moving back in. So part of me feels guilty and that maybe if I just move back in everything will go back to normal and he will be who he was at the beginning again. He is like this because of me. Is what he is saying.
Maybe he does want me to end it because he said he doesn’t care about the relationship anymore because I won’t move back yet

im getting to the point where I don’t need a reason to leave. Maybe I don’t trust myself. I’m slowly seeing to trust my own beliefs. He doesn’t need to be a qualified narc for me to leave. My feelings are enough to leave. It’s hard when someone is mean to you because of something you apparently done tho (move out)

he once told me he told his ex to leave if she was unhappy but she never did. He told me he used to tell her to go as she kept threatening. But she couldn’t because she moved away from her hometown with him thanks again
@EarthSight

@PatronisingCalm @Pinkbonbon

What makes you say I am being conditioned to not recognise my own needs? Bcause that’s exactly how I feel. Physically he will not speak to me if we go and do a plan that I have organised, he will sulk and not speak to me the entire time.

Another thing I noticed myself doing even when he was quiet and we are relaxing on the sofa, its like his energy is off, he doesn’t even have to be saying anything but he feels so closed off and robotic. He just sits on his phone all evening, and I feel invisible. But then I feel weirdly demanding thinking why am I feeling so low people can’t talk 24/7. That’s why I can’t explain it because I am not a needy person usually, but found myself wondering if he was ok, did I do something wrong, how is he going to be, sarcastic or nice, trying to make pointless conversation because I didn’t feel comfortable in the silence. Which is so odd for your own home.

But he is saying he is only acting that way towards me BECAUSE I haven’t moved back in yet

Whilst resentment is very bad and can make people act badly, I do think that this is nonsense.

The things is OP, some people can't help being dickheads. Some of them can act nicely for months, years even, but for others, it's just too much work. Even if they are on thin ice, they persist in being dickheads.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scorpion_and_the_Frog

Interesting analogy. He is a Scorpio star sign lol! Resentment is bad, and I can understand why he is annoyed. @EarthSight

When I was asking my counsellor about why my ex was such a tool he told me this very story of the scorpion and the frog! So yes, i totally agree with this.

If all this is true why the hell are you still with him? If he's like this and not going to change why not take some responsibility for your life and happiness - call it a day and leave the relationship.

https://outofthefog.website/

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