Is this weird behaviour? BF physically moves me to the side.

[powerfullymoving]

We have been dating for about 7/8 months exclusively and it has been lovely, no complaints.

But I've noticed lately that a couple of times, always when we are in his house, always by the staircase where I live my things (shoes, coats, bag etc) and we are both getting ready to leave, and he needs to go upstairs or he is coming from upstairs, or he needs to get past me and I'm on the way and did have enough awareness to move, he holds me with both hands and simply moves me to the side - I think at the beginning of the relationship, he might have said 'excuse me' I don't exactly remember.

I don't recall anyone doing this to me before so it struck me as odd behaviour. It is not abrupt and he doesn't do it in a rude way, it seems like he does it in a practical way but he has such lovely manners all the time that this really stands out as weird.

What do you think?

I'd say watch and wait. You'll learn soon enough whether this is a massive red flag or not. In the meantime, don't do anything that means you're tied to him, eg moving in together or getting pregnant.

Ask him to stop doing it.

You’ll find out faster.

My husband tends to stand I'm my way when I'm quickly moving about kitchen or small space. He's no awareness he's blocking me from getting in a cupboard, does my head in. I'm used to moving fast in close proximity to people in my job, colleagues are generally quick to react and move out each others personal space. Can you not see when someone needs to get by you?

🤣🤣🤣

I wouldn't like this. I live on my own with my 5yo. He's very easy to move. Even so I say excuse me and wait for him to move himself. I would do the same for an adult.

It's a bit like when blokes move women out of the way when walking through a crowd (eg in a pub) but wouldn't put hands on another man to shift him.

It's not an equal thing to do

I do it to DH and he is 6'2 to my 5'4. I do it because no matter how many times over 30 years I have asked him not to stand in the middle of the kitchen on a busy morning, he does, sipping coffee, staring out of the window. If he moved 2 metres to one side, he could stare out of a bigger window and be in no-one's way, but where he stands blocks the sink, kettle, toaster, breadbin, mugs cupboard, tea coffee and jam cupboard. I get sick of saying, 'Please move,' five times every morning, so just give him a gentle nudge out of the way.

Is he pushing you or lifting you up?
I can't work out how he is moving you out if the way unless you're on wheels and you slide on the floor.

I do this to my DH, my sisters and my mum. I do it gently and guide them out of the way. It saves interrupting whatever conversation we are having. I have never once been told that it is aggressive or unwelcome. You will have to use your gut to decide whether it is done in a nasty way or not.

What times my dh doing that at yours... he's at mine doing exactly this at about 0745! It drives me up the wall, perfect placement to obstruct everything I need to do in our mad rush to get everyone ready and out!!

It is hard to explain, he is not lifting me and is does not feel like pushing (yes I have been pushed before) - he moves me to the side, he holds me with both hands, on eon each arm and nudges my body to one side to the legs follow I suppose - he does not use any force at all and doesn't say anything, doesn't look at me with annoyance, doesn't take a deep breath, there are no signs of nastiness, it feels like he is being practical, I'm usually ready before him as he does a couple of things like cleaning out the bins for example, and I always use the bathroom first, so it feels like he wants to do what he needs to do to get ready so he doesn't keep me waiting

I think the third or fourth poster down did pretty much ask why she was getting ready in his way and suggest that she move!

I agree with you, though, you don’t just move someone out the way. I have told my son (13) off for doing this to me. It’s rude.

Me and my husband do things like that. It doesn’t bother me, just feels natural

He isn't a rugby player by any chance? I had an ex who would always randomly pick me up. I disliked it because I felt so powerless and strangely liked it because I was immature at the time.

@Mrsbluesk1 not a rugby player but used to play hockey and likes powerlifting but he doesn't lift me off the ground - he gently moves my body to the side

My Dad does something similar, he grabs your arm, just a bit too firmly, to steer you. I hate it! I complained once, he was very offended. He just can't seem to understand that he is being too rough when he does it.

it feels like he is being practical, I'm usually ready before him

if you’re ready before him and standing around in the way then he probably is a bit irritated!! Would you not just wait elsewhere so you’re not in his way, seems like the obvious solution unless I’m reading it wrong

If you don't like it, speak up, but I find it really odd that you keep all of your crap in such an inappropriate spot. The house may have a weird layout but there has to be a better spot than you blocking the bloody staircase all the time. It would drive me insane if you were constantly in my way.

I nudge DH out of the way all the time and he often puts both hands on either my waist or my elbows to shift me over or squeeze past. We have 2 very narrow hallways and if one or other is needing past for a reason it’s like an unspoken communication. The only time it annoyed me was when he physically lifted me and moved me in the early days of our marriage (there’s a big difference in our builds) and I asked him not to manhandle me again.

I often see on threads on here people saying to their partners “use your words” how bloody patronising, you’re not talking to a toddler for goodness sake. The only place I’ve ever seen posts like this is MN, it’s a MN phrase as I don’t know anyone in RL who would use that in conversation.

OP just speak to him about it of it’s upsetting you.

I would hate this myself; but maybe others don't. How do you feel about it, OP?

I really think narrow hallways are shit places to put on coats, shoes and bags.
One person is always in the way.
Yeah move all the stuff upstairs and get ready there.

Screams Narc to me

Often in the kitchen, we have a bottleneck in a corner where there are lots of cupboards, the microwave and to the left the hob and to the right the sink. I will put my hand on the side of dh or either of my teens if I need to get to something. Often someone might be standing at the hob whilst I need to get into the cupboard underneath so the hand (with light pressure, not enough to physically move anyone) means “can you move left/right as I need to get to the cupboard” - a sentence of more than 10 words completely avoided with a light touch on the relevant side. And they don’t even have to think left or right as they’ve been nudged in the correct direction.

i don’t think it’s a red flag

It is a red flag. Tell him to stop and see how he responds.

Its sexist, at the very least.