He's just hit me

[Captainspaulding]

Dc not here I'm in daughters bed he's just hit me 4 times in the face with his phone, dragged me off the sofa and put all his weight on me so I couldn't breathe I can't phone police they'll contact social services

Phone this time what next time? phone police and Womens AId

With all due respect, this is absolutely not always the case. If she doesn't feel able or ready to leave him they will take the children. I am talking from first hand experience. You only want social services involved if you've already left or are certain you're ready to and know you won't go back.

Many women have lost their children to social services through domestic abuse. I know one personally whos child was adopted despite her leaving and living in a women's aid refuge.

OP. Get out first and then report the bastard.

Unless there's a story on here we don't know about, we don't know who "he" is. Husband, boyfriend, children's father, house owner, joint owner, tenant, cocklodger - this will make a difference in ops decision making but she should absolutely end the relationship.

@Captainspaulding you should be safe at your mum’s (?) now.

hopefully you're calmer and feeling better.

you can call the police and report this. The SS won’t get involved as the kids weren’t present, don’t worry about SS, they’re there to help you and the kids, not to take the kids away from you.

do Not go back to this guy, stay out and away from him. He needs to find somewhere to go so you and the kids can have your home back

we’re ALL with you @Captainspaulding youre not alone

You need to call the police and have him removed from the house and then you need to make it clear you are ending the relationship.

Don't give hime the opportunity to hit you again....

This is not a safe environment for you or your children.

Please don't listen to the people who are saying you might lose your kids over this. You are doing what is best for them too by reporting this man. You might not survive the next attack the next time that abuser goes for you and you don't want your kids to be left without a mum either.

@HistoryBufff3 the advice you are giving is wrong and also dangerous to women like OP. Social services will definitely support her. I work with them daily in this field. And in regards to adoption, do you know how hard it is to get to that point? It's a very long process.

I hope you're safely at your mum's now

Call the police.

Ensure your children have a living mother.

He could have killed you. Well done for leaving. Please take the next step and report to the police. Social services will work with you if they do get involved, they will help you.

You must call the police. Your DC weren't present so weren't in danger, this time.

Social services is nothing to be afraid of. My neighbour left her abusive husband after he did something very similar (involving squeezing her so she couldn't breathe). Social services did an assessment but all they wanted was to keep the children safe and as she left him that was fine. They were then helpful in setting her up with some support in the aftermath as well.

I'm going to be very, very blunt here: men who restrict women's breathing commonly go on to kill them. It's the biggest red flag there is. You don't need to worry about what will happen if you ring the police, you need to worry about what will happen if you don't. He could easily kill you next time and then where.will your children be.

Ring the police, tell them exactly what happened and say you want help to leave him. You must report what he's done to keep yourself and your children safe.

Please take a photograph of your face now, and again as the bruising comes out.

Don't be scared of going to the police. If social services get involved, it will only be to ensure you are keeping the children safe, which you obviously are. If you don't deal with this now it will happen again, no matter how much he will probably apologise and try to minimise it when he sobers up.

OP please phone the police.

As others have said, take a photo of any injuries you may have got and keep any texts/this thread.

Gently, it is going to be a lot worse if you are seen to be protecting a violent man and not protecting your kids.

If you report it SS will immediately see that you are putting your kids first.

If you don’t report it and they find out (which they will), they may think that you are putting him above the safety of your kids.

SS will help you, call the police.

OP you might love him but that isn't enough to stay together. You have to end the relationship. I'm so sorry and I know you don't want to otherwise you'd have called the police. But you have to. Your daughter cannot be subjected to a life with an abused mother, even if you feel you can put up with it.

The thing with social services is they’re not the enemy, especially if you are doing things to keep you and the children safe. We’ve had some soc services involvement for an issue recently and I was more irritated that we quickly lost their support rather than worrying that they were involved.
In your situation I would report him to the police ASAP. He will definitely do this again and it might be when the children are home.

Op, how are you?

Hi OP,
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence Domestic
Violence]] page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

Some excellent advice from others here. I hope that you're away from him and safe right now.

@Easipeelerie

We’ve had some soc services involvement for an issue recently and I was more irritated that we quickly lost their support rather than worrying that they were involved.

Same here. We wanted them to be more involved in a worrying situation than they chose to be.

Leave him OP. He’ll get drunk and do it again. What he’s done is inexcusable. Don’t let him use any bullshit excuse. Yes social services will be contacted because HE is a threat and problem. Not you. Please get out that house whilst he’s asleep and the police can wake him as they remove him from the house. I hope you’re ok this morning and somewhere safe.

Please phone Refuge, they have a 24/7 helpline and they will talk you through your options and support you. You're not alone, get help to protect yourself and your kids. https://refuge.org.uk/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiA2pyuBhBKEiwApLaIOxhw714i9alvXlhad8wz_gLv9S9HIfAZfTcVEis4VF9DcgltiSlUmBoCC7YQAvD_BwE

I hope you are ok and don't go back there. I said upthread it will get worse and it will. I pressed charged against my ex for assaulting me (long hx of DV) and now he is in prison for attacking his recent gf with a knife, breaking bones and strangling her. Please take note of what ppl tell you.
And please tell your mum. Do not keep it a secret. I did for too long x

Don't forget to take pictures and record what happened (evidence)

Please phone the police. They won't tkae your children away they will help you get away. Contact women's aid too.