Should I give in? Sex after pregnancy

[WhiteLinen784]

I was advised against sex at end of pregnancy, baby nearly 8 weeks old now, had all clear from doctors. Had a terrible time post birth with infection.

My husband just keeps going with the comments about how he's not getting anything, his needs, how I'm acting selfish. I wear dresses/tights for ease of breastfeeding and he's forever trying to pull it up, look up it and now because of this everything he gets close I just get the ick and want to move away from him. Is this normal post birth?

Sorry OP - it’s completely normal for you not to want to and what he is doing is TOTALLY unacceptable. Absolutely agree it’s 🚩🚩 for abuse.

please download Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That? onto your phone (as long as your phone is private) it’s on Kindle/Apple Books. Read discretely and then decide what to do. If you have a supportive relative you can stay with for a few nights then give yourself a break from him that way. You’ve enough on your plate with a newborn without him making your life harder.

I’m so sorry. I promise it’ll never be easier to leave than it is right now… he sounds very manipulative and coercive. 💐💐

If he has needs, he can go have a wank. You are not a cum receptacle.

He is a vile coercive rapey pig. Tell him to fuck off. Be really well boundaried here.

To be honest, this would be a deal breaker for me. Do not give in to unwanted sex for any reason, ever!

Wtf?

He's trying to rape you.

That sounds so shocking doesn't it?
But.

Man bitching to woman
Repeatedly.
Wears her down.
Has sex to shut him up
Has sex she doesn't want.
She's been pressured into it.
That's having sex without enthusiastic consent.
Sex without consent is called... Rape.

There would be no coming back from that, for me.

Do you have family support?

How gross and horrible behaviour!!
Please don't give in if you don't feel ready.
He sounds like an immature sex pest.

I'm 9 weeks post partum. Your husband is gross. Seriously would give me the ick. I couldn't have sex for lots of my pregnancy due to complications. My DH never complained, it got to last week and I realised he still hadn't mentioned sex since birth either. I did bring it up and he said if course he wants to but obvious why haven't. I want sex with him too but I'm not sure how to when there's always a baby in the room 😂 had my DH behaved like yours I can guarantee he wouldn't be having sex with me again 🤢

Why would he want to do this when it would cause you pain… ughhhh

OP I know somebody whose first partner was busy with his mistress while she was giving birth to their son. She brought the baby home and had 4 lovely days with her son until he came back, drunk. He forced her to have sex with him before passing out, denying all knowledge afterwards. He did her real damage. She was less than a week PP and had had to have some stitches anyway.
She escaped with her baby but didn’t dare go to hospital in case SS got involved. Instead she suffered in silence, with awful bleeding which only stopped after a couple of days lying down and raised her kid alone until he was 9 when she met her lovely husband. But she always told him ‘I can’t have more children’. She hadn’t lied. She wasn’t infertile but couldn’t put herself through labour, birth and bring all that back again. She still had pain years later.
Now in her 50s she confessed to me what happened all those years ago when she woke having an awful panic attack while we were away on a trip. It was tragic to listen to. But she is ok. I helped her tell her husband and will be having corrective surgery soon. She has suffered enough. Don’t end up like her. Kick this man into touch!

This is a scumbag. Not normal behaviour from a supportive partner or new parent.

You have a newborn and he has no understanding of giving you time or space to initiate it when you are ready. Even after you've talked about it.

He is pressurising you to get what he wants. Continuously doing this whilst at your most vulnerable just shows that he's not interested in an intimate connection or your physical/mental health.

Worst case scenario (i mean- can it get worse?), you give in to shut him up, do you think he's going to take it easy or stop if you feel pain? I would imagine that he'd just go for it regardless of how uncomfortable it is for you. So not only have you been pressurised/coerced, he is likely to continue raping you and would probably say some crap like he didn't hear you say anything or notice you are in pain.

Sex is uncomfortable for the majority of women for months after birth for various physical, hormonal, emotional and mental reasons. It's not hard to understand. A simple conversation would suffice for any caring partner.

OP he sounds disgusting. Your physical needs are far more important than his sexual urges.

For comparison - My DH would occasionally tell me he missed me and that was it. I told him I felt a bit pressured and he shut up, never mentioned it again. He absolutely paid attention to what I said I needed from him to feel safe and treated me with courtesy and respect. We eventually were intimate after about 16 weeks (I had a tricky birth and just wasn’t up to it physically or emotionally before then!).

It's domestic abuse.

Your feelings post-birth are normal. His behaviour is not.

No OP.
I read your other thread also and this man is very abusive, not just to you but to your daughter, you said on your other thread a few months ago hat he called your 12 year old daughter a cunt and slapped her in the back of the head.

I understand that he said he wouldn't let your children leave with you, and you're vulnerable right now as you have a newborn, but you have to safeguard your children from this man.

You need to be making plans to get away from him.

If you are coerced or pressured into sex when you don't want it, you have not given free consent. That's rape due to coercion.

This is emotional abuse.

He doesn't have a right to sex. If he views you like this, he doesn't respect you or love you. You are not there to provide him with sex.

Tell him to have a wank or move out. His choice.

When he bleats on about his needs, tell him to think about your needs as the person who has been carrying his child in her body, gone through all the disadvantages of pregnancy, gone through the pain and bloody hard work of childbirth, and suffered a horrendous infection, and who is still breastfeeding his child. Ask him whether he really thinks doing without sex for a couple of months is really worse than all that, and tell him that there is only one person being selfish in this scenario and it clearly isn't you.

You need to get seriously pissed off with him and make sure he knows you mean it.

Sex with you is a privilege not a right and he'll never get it again if he continues to make your lady parts shrivel up with his totally repellent behavior.

Tell him you are leaving him if he doesn't sort himself out, and mean it. (Yes I totally understand how hard that would be when you have a tiny baby but this is abusive, disgusting, totally not acceptable).

Sexual abuse/coercive control. He is breaking the law. Sounds vile.

No one should ever be put in a position where they have to ask if they should 'be giving in to sex -baby or no baby. He sounds despicable. You should be considering if you want to stay with him not fuck him.

He knows that you actively do not want sex yet he's trying to force you? So is he aware that sex with you would be rape?
He clearly has no regard for you or your wellbeing and is currently seeing you as a vessel for his pleasure, no matter how that affects you.

Please please leave him before he does something horrific.

Oh no he's acting disgusting its up to you and when your ready hes being very selfish he should be tending you and baby not putting you down for not having sex. It would give me the ick also

This

Honestly op I've just scrolled and seen this. You really need to think about if this the kind of husband you want.
Sounds like a sex pest gaslighting you in to making you do what he wants. At 8 weeks pp I think I just had my first shower(joking) baby was colicky tho

Tell him to fuck off. And once he gets there to fuck off some more. Disgusting cretin

🚩 🚩 🚩

Run!!

Gross what a pig.

OP, so sorry you are dealing with this right now. I'm wondering if he shows any care for you and the baby, because he sounds resentful and selfish, and I can't see this going anywhere but south. I think he has entitlement issues big time, and I wouldn't be surprised if he becomes violent in time. Three was some advice earlier about texting your midwife then deleting the message , and I agree that sounds like a good plan. Good luck.