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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Should I give in? Sex after pregnancy

79 replies

WhiteLinen784 · 09/02/2024 20:22

I was advised against sex at end of pregnancy, baby nearly 8 weeks old now, had all clear from doctors. Had a terrible time post birth with infection.

My husband just keeps going with the comments about how he's not getting anything, his needs, how I'm acting selfish. I wear dresses/tights for ease of breastfeeding and he's forever trying to pull it up, look up it and now because of this everything he gets close I just get the ick and want to move away from him. Is this normal post birth?

OP posts:

Foxblue · 09/02/2024 21:27

He wants to have sex when he knows you have just had a baby/don't want to, and he's sulking when you don't- that's really horrible behaviour? It's not normal. It's not okay. It's not normal. It's not okay.
his focus should be on the baby and you healing, not his dick.
I'm so sorry you're in this position.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/02/2024 21:27

Your husband is sexually abusing you. The environment you're living in is absolutely fucking awful and you are not safe with this man. I implore you to leave if at all possible.

IsThisOneAvailable · 09/02/2024 21:27

Tell him to fuck off and have a wank, and if he continues to pressure you he won't be getting any even when you are feeling better. And mean it and stick to it.

He's being a knob and abusive

Original poster

WhiteLinen784 · 09/02/2024 21:27

Wherediditgoto · 09/02/2024 21:19

I agree with others that your husband is being disgusting and inconsiderate.
I do remember though at my six week check after a very very difficult birth which left me unable to sit or walk for two weeks afterwards, the consultant expressed shock that I hadn’t yet had sex and urged me to do it very soon. A man of course.

That is awful behaviour from a professional!

I'm sorry you experienced that.

OP posts:

whatsitcalledwhen · 09/02/2024 21:27

I've gone back to telling him I'm on my period but getting questions about the severity of that now.

You're in an abusive relationship.

Please try to talk to someone about this in real life as well as getting support on here.

Is your health visitor nice and approachable?

Ladolcevita233 · 09/02/2024 21:28

look up it

Wtf

That would be creepy even if you weren't post partum.

Alwaystired2023 · 09/02/2024 21:30

Oh god this is vile I am so sorry OP heartbreaking, send him the link to this thread x

AnnaTortoiseshell · 09/02/2024 21:32

There wouldn’t be a way back from this for me, OP. I’m so sorry he is doing that. His behaviour is truly repugnant.

slowdaysloegin · 09/02/2024 21:36

Ew ew ew no! A man acting like that just weeks after you squeezed a whole human being out of your vagina would have my vagina zipping up and padlocking itself shut!

After DD2 was born, my husband and I didn't do the deed for a very, very, VERY long time. I was tired with two small children. My libido was somewhere in hiding with my old friends, energy and self-care. All three were gone. And what did my husband do? Paw at me? Whine at me like a puppy needing a treat? Make passes or get mad? No. He took the matter in hand (pun intended) and dealt with it himself. And when I finally did feel like I wanted to give it a go, he was kind and understanding.

theduchessofspork · 09/02/2024 21:39

OP this isn’t normal at all.

I’d tell him you don’t want to hear about it for a while and at present his behaviour is making him repulsive to you.

Janetime · 09/02/2024 21:44

Good lord what am I reading, was he like this before pregnancy? What an utter creep.

ApocalypseNowt · 09/02/2024 21:45

I actually just said "urgh" out loud. He sounds absolutely disgusting.

tenterden · 09/02/2024 21:48

Horrible sex pest.

Tell him to leave you alone and you will let him know when you are ready.

ChangeAgain2 · 09/02/2024 21:51

Your H makes me want to puke. He's a sex pest. Harassing you and lifting your dress. I'd never shag him again. If you give in what will that achieve? He'll think he can harass you into sex and you'll feel gross and violated. Only have sex when you want to and you feel ready.

JollyHostess101 · 09/02/2024 21:53

Good job he’s not my husband-baby is 7months and he’s hasn’t had a sniff as I’m just not interested!!

I’d tell him to F off it’s not right I’m pretty sure I was still bleeding by 8 weeks!

ThisIsOk · 09/02/2024 21:54

He sounds awful. Really, awful.

This isn’t normal or acceptable behaviour at all.

With both of my children I didn’t have sex again for about a year and not once did my husband complain or try and pressure me in to sex.

I really hope you realise how wrong this is. He is not a good man.

I would take the baby and go and stay with a relative for a while if possible, and really think about what kind of man you deserve and what kind of love you deserve because this guy doesn’t have any respect for you at all or even any desire to show basic kindness and compassion towards you.

I hope you come to realise that you deserve so much better.

winteris · 09/02/2024 21:57

Not ok.
Yes they say not before 6 weeks. But that doesn’t mean you’re ready!! I’ve always been that person desperate to get back to it but logistically it’s a nightmare ignoring everything else. He absolutely should not be pulling your clothes like that, because a year PP I’d be saying no to that behaviour x

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/02/2024 22:02

I remember my now ex husband asking me for a "shag" when we got home. We were walking our newborn out of the hospital to the car. I've never hated anybody more than I did him at that moment. He'd just watched me labour for 6 hours and give birth to a 9.5lb baby and thought I'd be up for it as soon as we got through the front door.

Tell your husband to fuck right off. Get the HV to speak to him if you have to. I'm sorry he's such a prick.

watermelonsugar56 · 09/02/2024 22:10

Tell him to leave you alone and he will have to wait until you’re ready! Breastfeeding affected my libido too we didn’t do it for months and months let alone at 8 weeks.

If he can’t accept that then he’s not worth it.

BlueWhaleSighted · 09/02/2024 22:27

WhiteLinen784 · 09/02/2024 20:22

I was advised against sex at end of pregnancy, baby nearly 8 weeks old now, had all clear from doctors. Had a terrible time post birth with infection.

Jesus christ, the scum really show their true colours when a baby arrives.

Keep saying no.

WhatsMyUsername89 · 09/02/2024 22:29

Oh hun! What an icky thing to do, I’m sure he makes your toes curl when he’s whinging about it.

For a second take away the sex pest stuff. Please remember what your body has been through, these last few months & the fact this man has no respect for it is terrible.

Don’t lie to him and tell him you’re on your period.. tell him your body has just gone through fucking trauma, you’ve birthed a literal human, you’re tired & the last thing you need is a petulant man whinging and whining about what he “needs”

His lack of thoughts of how you must be feeling right now is making my heart hurt for you. Please don’t do anything you don’t want to.

My DH was a godsend and didn’t pester me once after childbirth. But I found it hard to get back to ever “wanting” to do it, but with my DH being v patient and kind we got back there. I think if he tried putting pressure on me I’d of never got back there.

sending you love! & congratulations on having a baby xx x x x

Pallisers · 09/02/2024 22:40

Honestly I'm not sure I could get over this. Ever. Don't you look at him and think "I hate you for what you are doing"

He is disgusting - looking up and down your dress. badgering you for sex. Like others, I think you should talk to your midwife because you are living with a man who doesn't care whether you consent or not to being groped.

Orio2023 · 09/02/2024 22:44

Utterly gross. He obviously thinks your baby is an insurance policy and he can now freely abuse you. I would kick him out.

Hes ruined it. You’ll never forget or unsee this disgusting side of him.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 09/02/2024 22:49

Tell him to leave at once

PieAndLattes · 09/02/2024 22:49

You have the ick because your husband is a sex pest. Tell him you’ll tend to his ‘needs’ after he shits a watermelon. What a selfish prick.

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