Love bomber or just keen?

[Holibobby]

I’ve been speaking to a guy for under a month and had 3 dates. He’s been really keen from date no.1 I feel like he’s genuine but I’ve also been burnt in the past by a big love bomber that put me off dating for a long time.

I feel like new guy might just be a quick mover. and is very very keen on me but he’s always quick at replying. He’s told me he’s told his step dad and all his mates aboit me, he text me other night and told me he hopes im not put off by how much he likes me. On date no.2 he was super affectionate on our date. I put up a friendship thing on social media about how lucky I feel with family and friends and he sent a message and said yeah and having a good man. Like we’ve not discussed exclusivity / relationship so thought that was strange.

Hes wanting us to book things for this year, holiday etc and wants me to meet his friends.

He’s away on holiday with his mates at the moment and he keeps telling me how much he misses me, he phoned me one night. He’s gone quiet tonight as he said he doesn’t feel good so he’s gone bed and I’ve just started questioning whether it’s genuine.

This last week I’ve played out a fantasy in my head (ridiculous I know) and I’m scared that his true colours are going to show. I guess I’m just looking for red flags. Is this stuff normal or bit much. I guess I just really want him to be genuine.

@ArchetypalBusyMum i was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 10 years with DDs father and then situationship with a big love bomber so I’m super wary and analyse everything. Single life is so much happier and easier!

I need to have that conversation with him about how fast it’s moving

'It' isn't moving. It's being moved. Assign responsibility. He is moving it faster than you want. He is doing something regarding your relationship in a way you don't like. And you've only known him weeks.

Don't stay with anybody who doesn't impress you at every turn. It's never going to be 100% with anybody, but things not feeling right within weeks? Why are you even entertaining the idea of carrying this on?

If you have to ask, you know the answer really. Trust your gut.

I'd be very wary, or run a mile tbh if anyone behaved like him. In fact I did get lovebombed once, and was becoming gradually aware and skeptical and more than a bit suffocated. I was right to be, as he went full on psycho after an evening out together together - I suspect there was some coke involved on his part too.
Drugs are not a part of my life, neither is threatening or abusive behaviour, so I had him arrested. No more than he deserved, I have zero tolerance for that stuff, I'm glad I dealt with it and spotted things. Disappointed, but not heartbroken as was less than 3 months and it would take a lot longer than that for me to fall for someone.
Watch for pushing boundaries- if he's already planning holidays away together, I'd say he's pushing them already. Next he might insist on meeting your friends and your DD because he's introduced you to his friends and family. You don't have to step up to his timeline, work at your own pace. He is undoubtedly over-enthusiastic and if he starts giving you little gifts, just because, that's a thing to watch out for. As you have a DD, keep it no more than once a week for now, don't be surprised if he pushes for more.

@Watchkeys Hmm im not sure, I don’t have the best track record when it comes to selecting men so I don’t feel like I have a good benchmark to compare behaviours to! But I’m also sceptical and generally look for red flags as that is what I’m expecting.

When was his last relationship or dating experience?

What’s his relationship history? That will tell you a lot. (I speak from experience.) Has he dated a single parent before?

You are still with him though and there are red flags already. But if you want to give it longer and collect a full bunting of them before deciding, it's your choice. Just keep hour eyes open - and it might help to list your concerns and refer back or add to it so you get a picture.

@Opentooffers What happened to you was awful, glad you had him arrested and you were ok. He did bring me back some chocolate from his holiday (he basically went for one week come home for one night and now gone back away).

The way our next date falls is next Weds - and that’s Valentine’s Day - which will be interesting in itself - it’s a day time meet up. It did just randomly fall on that day.

Weve only done one night per week so defitnley going to keep it like that whilst I work out what I want.

What a woefully cynical view!
My wife and I went on our first holiday before we’d slept together, so your theory is nonsense I’m afraid

Why do you need a 'benchmark'? If someone treats you in a way you like, then you'll like it, won't you? It's not an external benchmark, it's how you feel, internally. This guy is doing stuff you're not keen on after 3 dates. So ditch him. He's not Mr Fabulous, is he. He wants you like a trophy on his arm and he's going at 100mph. Don't you want someone who has the same relationship requirements as you, and who wants to go at the same speed as you? If so, why are you entertaining Mr 100mph-showoff?

@Newbiex @SleepPrettyDarling so when we met he had been single for a month but he said they weren’t official they were seeing each other for 7 months but she liked her own space and he didn’t just want to be her but on the side. Which alarm bells rang for me as I’m very protective of my free time. Before that I think he had been single a couple of years after breaking up with his long term (5/6 years) relationship - he said that just fizzled he wanted to go travelling she wanted other things.

See what happens when you say, Im sorry but this is too much for me, I wish to end it. I guess that he will turn.
He's come on far too fast and I would avoid.

Single for a month after 7 months seems quick to me. I know 7 months isn't a long time but he could be just rushing into things to fill the void.

I've been in a similar situation and my gut was telling me something wasn't right but I chose to ignore it and nearly a year later he dropped me like I was nobody.
Go with your gut and do what feels right for you x

@Newbiex Thats awful to hear. My gut has helped me in the past so I need to trust it

@B1rd I don’t want to play games but it’s a good suggestion.

I agree with this.
How people handle things like this and act shows a lot about someone.

What do you think your 'gut' actually is, biologically, in this sense? What's it for?

@Watchkeys Protection from pain experienced previously

So, would your gut tell you to get away from a lion, because you've been hurt by one before?

30 years ago we had a couple of friends, the bloke was besotted and maybe a little bit full on, she dumped him over some trumped up crap, which allowed her to be 'free'. She's still free, with her cats.
He's got a lovely family now.

It all seems a bit much so soon. It sounds to me like someone with low self-esteem, who is desperate to be in a relationship, he also sounds pretty shallow as well. He ‘wants to be in love’ so he is convincing himself this is it after only 3 dates.
I don’t think it’s love-bombing though.
It would scare me to be honest, he sounds like a male bunny-boiler.

In my experience, hearing those particular comments does not end well.

The social media comment would make me feel suffocated after 3 dates. Listen to your gut feeling. Personally I would find it to much. But it’s your choice.

My opinion OP is this is the 3rd or 4th thread you've started with concerns about this guy which tells its own story.

Youve had a gut feeling from the start that something isn't quite right and asked for advice several times now - which you've pretty much disregarded, carried on seeing him and still starting new threads with concerns.

There’s obviously underlying concerns about this man due you to be raising so many questions rather than just going with flow and enjoying the dates. The first few dates should be seeing what you like and dislike about this person, not being full of angst.