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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband cheated on me with an escort

62 replies

TheGreyLeader · 08/02/2024 21:07

We have been married for 30 years and my sex life wasn’t always great because of him we get along really well but his sex drive was never as high as it should be i have always confronted him about it and actually that was always my biggest problem in my marriage but recently it started to get worse and worse even with me having to initiate it he started to find excuses like having a bad tummy…😅. it started to affect me badly emotionally and physically I advised him to take tests and everything else
he is saying that he hasn’t got any health issues but I really think he has ED and he’s hiding it from me
lately i discovered that he cheated on me with an escort when confronted he said he did it just to see if he really had ED or not since all tests came back negative
he said that everything was fine with the sexworker so now he believes that he has ED just with me !!
obviously I am extremely hurt and upset
i feel betrayed i don’t think I could ever trust him again I have asked for divorce but he wants me to forgive him and that his only purpose was not to cheat on me but just to experience it with another woman to see if it’s still functioning or not he wants me to help him get through this
ps:he used medicines before but even with medications it stopped working with me lately

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 08/02/2024 21:13

So it’s your fault he used a prostitute? What a charmer.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 08/02/2024 21:14

Ignore him and continue with the divorce

LumpyPumpkin · 08/02/2024 21:14

I hope you do divorce him.

You won't ever be able to trust him again.

There were so many things he could've tried, and things you could have tried together as couple to improve your sex life, but he decided to pay someone for sex instead. It's pathetic that he is using this to justify cheating.

I am so sorry. I hope you're doing ok.

This is not a reflection on you.

doitwithlove · 08/02/2024 21:15

In this position he needs to put himself in your position. Would he be happy to forgive you and trust you.

Personally I could not live with a man that had done this.

MumDaisy1980 · 08/02/2024 23:16

that’s quite a ridiculous act to do

tell him you won’t divorce him but will go find your magic Mike to check if it’s you that make men ED 😆

Haretodayswantomorrow · 08/02/2024 23:41

Tell him you’ve never actually had an orgasm from PIV sex with him so you’ll be booking a male escort to see if you can manage one someone else’s cock and that you are sure he will be ok with that given his recent ‘experiment’. You’ll just be checking if your Fanny works properly and this lack of satisfactory sex is just a having sex with him problem.

altmember · 08/02/2024 23:42

That must be one of the best excuses I've ever heard. "I didn't want to shag the prostitute, I just needed to see if my tackle was still working properly. And it is, so everything is your fault".

Sorry, but it's highly unlikely this is the first time he's done it, just the first time he's got caught out. Don't look back.

Usernamechange1234 · 09/02/2024 06:32

Probably not the first time just the time he got caught. What an absolute prize he is.

Forgiveness is overrated but I certainly couldn’t accept that as an ‘excuse’ or reason for causing so much pain and trauma. He had choices, he chose one that was selfish was and entitled.

I have no time for men who think women’s bodies can be bought, their consent paid for while putting their partner at such risk. Let alone the human trafficking aspect.

I’d proceed with the divorce. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Olivegardenishome · 09/02/2024 07:02

You deserve much, much better.

wheo · 09/02/2024 07:04

Haretodayswantomorrow · 08/02/2024 23:41

Tell him you’ve never actually had an orgasm from PIV sex with him so you’ll be booking a male escort to see if you can manage one someone else’s cock and that you are sure he will be ok with that given his recent ‘experiment’. You’ll just be checking if your Fanny works properly and this lack of satisfactory sex is just a having sex with him problem.

This!!!!!!

Annass · 09/02/2024 07:54

Based on his logic, he wanted to see if he was 'broken' for his own benefit as how would it benefit your sex life if he discovers he can get it up with other women?

This experiment only serves 2 purposes:
Prove to himself that he still got it
Proof that it's all your fault op which makes him feel better about himself.
It was an exercise in ego restoration and boosting at the expense of your health and trust.

He was malicious in doing this test which I bet my right arm was not just the one time:

He exploited a vulnerable woman
Wasted family money on a disgusting service
Risked exposing you to STD even if he used a condom with her
Broke your trust
Lied to you
Permanently damaged the relationship
Potentially long lasting impact on how you see yourself, relationships and men generally.

He doesn't care about your health and feelings, he doesn't care about the escorts feelings, he only cares about himself.

Proceed with the divorce.

wheo · 09/02/2024 08:24

Yeah op he has done something incredibly selfish and cruel.

No matter how he tries to explain it, he is a bottom feeding degenerate.

You deserve so much better than this

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 09/02/2024 08:27

I’m sorry, you deserve better. Get rid.

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 09/02/2024 08:30

The man is a selfish prick.

Find your self respect, be brave and tell him to leave.

Who does that to their wife!!!

Sorry this happened to you op xxx

Naunet · 09/02/2024 08:32

He’s absolute trash, he cheated on you, blamed you for it and paid a potentially vulnerable women to use her body (and I highly doubt it’s the first time). Has he made it clear he’d be happy for you to go and have sex with another man to make sure everything is working for you? I highly doubt it.

This creep has no respect for you, you’re right to leave, you deserve better.

C00k · 09/02/2024 08:32

You don’t need to ask for a divorce, you can take control of your life and start it yourself. Your post is all about the mans shit penis, but it’s irrelevant, as is he. He coerced consent (there’s another word for that..) out of a prostituted woman so he could use her body. What a reprehensible, disgusting man.

Take great delight in no longer having anything to do with him. Cold contempt and indifference, as you plan you life unburdened by him.

hothotheatbag · 09/02/2024 08:36

I've heard it all now, he wanted to check with the escort.

Wow, my libido is on the floor, can you just imagine I booked and slept with a male escort to check if it was my libido really, or simply my DHs fault!

Songiii · 09/02/2024 08:48

Wow surely you’re not going to believe this op?

this wasn’t a science experiment. He cheated and is now taking no accountability and is blaming you. This is emotional abuse

notapizzaeater · 09/02/2024 09:22

Wow! And best of all its all your fault - you made him 🤣🤯🤯🤯🤯

C00k · 09/02/2024 09:27

There's no equivalence with male sex workers, since the rates of abuse, rape, assault, trafficking etc is so prevalent in prostituted women, so making silly little quips about OP shagging a male prostitute are in poor taste, and not comparable.
OP needs tested for STDs, and to plan her life rid of this disgusting man.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/02/2024 09:32

MumDaisy1980 · 08/02/2024 23:16

that’s quite a ridiculous act to do

tell him you won’t divorce him but will go find your magic Mike to check if it’s you that make men ED 😆

I like this answer best

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/02/2024 09:51

Haretodayswantomorrow · 08/02/2024 23:41

Tell him you’ve never actually had an orgasm from PIV sex with him so you’ll be booking a male escort to see if you can manage one someone else’s cock and that you are sure he will be ok with that given his recent ‘experiment’. You’ll just be checking if your Fanny works properly and this lack of satisfactory sex is just a having sex with him problem.

Excellent

therealcookiemonster · 09/02/2024 10:34

and I thought I had heard all the lame excuses.

what a fucking Prince

you know what to do OP

Deadringer · 09/02/2024 10:56

Dump the disgusting piece of shit.

Curlywerly · 09/02/2024 11:03

i feel betrayed i don’t think I could ever trust him again I have asked for divorce but he wants me to forgive him and that his only purpose was not to cheat on me but just to experience it with another woman to see if it’s still functioning or not he wants me to help him get through this
ps:he used medicines before but even with medications it stopped working with me lately

Even if you accept his absurd excuse and take it at face value it’s still not justifiable. Cheating and using escort services in general is disgusting and a betrayal of your trust . Would you want to be intimate again with a man who did that? Make sure you get an STD check up as well.

Also, he has told you he only has ED with you, so he’s sending a very clear message out in saying he doesn’t find the two of you to be sexually compatible. And it sounds like he’s kind of “blaming” it on you, so say goodbye to any more sex with him now that his get out clause will be that he has ED with you , thus making it a you problem.

Each to their own but I wouldn’t stay with a man like this. I wouldn’t entertain his continued disrespect even for a second.