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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex boyfriend messaging me

52 replies

PlantMamma · 07/02/2024 23:47

Hi. So just wondering what you guys would do in a little situation I’m in.
So my ex boyfriend from 14/15 year ago has started messaging me nearly daily for the last fortnight, he’s always kept in touch sometime s not for 6 month and others just every now and again, friendly how are you, screen grabs of Facebook memories. Occasional remember this, but he can get a bit flirty to which I remind him of his wife which he protests how happy they are, anyway. Lately the messages are daily. How’s your day, doing much at the weekend… silly things to start a conversation. he’s married with kids as am I. It’s a platonic relationship but it’s nice we can have a friendship considering out break up was really hard and I dare say if it wasn’t for his family we could of lasted but I’d had enough and even he admits they played a large part of the break up. But anyway, would you guys ask him why all of a sudden he’s contacting me daily or just leave it? I don’t want to come across as ‘why are you messaging me lots lately’ when he could just be taking a general interest in what I’m up to and maybe I’m thinking too much into it but I do think it’s a bit weird

OP posts:

Trynato · 07/02/2024 23:49

Block block block

Iamdrained94 · 07/02/2024 23:53

Stop texting him back. You know he’s got a wife & kids, so have you as well. You’ve said he’s flirted so obviously he’s trying his luck. Why would you even entertain him? It would be different if it was genuine friendship. But like you said, he’s flirting a little. Nip it in the bud.

Throwawayme · 07/02/2024 23:54

I'd cut this off immediately. How would you feel if your husband was messaging his ex daily? Stop replying to him

samestyle · 08/02/2024 00:04

He doesn't want to be your friend, he's attention seeking to flirt, stop replying that normally does it. Sadly for his wife, I doubt you're the only one he messages for attention.

Plantmother71 · 08/02/2024 00:19

He’s looking for something from you - attention or sex? You’re married too you say with kids? Happily? Why would you want to potentially ruin that? He sounds like a player. And if he’s trying to start something up with you after 15 years what are the chances he has done this with others in the last decade and a half? My partner has cheated several times. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Don’t be part of that.

RandomForest · 08/02/2024 04:39

Silly girl, he will use you and you will ruin your marriage and your children will be devastated.

His wife will hate you and he will blame you for responding.

Ilovegoldies · 08/02/2024 04:41

Agree with everyone else. Rather than ask why he's messaging ask yourself why you are engaging with him?

motherofkevinnotperry · 08/02/2024 06:32

Just stop now before it gets messy and complicated. Walk away and invest in your family.

motherofkevinnotperry · 08/02/2024 06:34

Sorry to say but I agree you won't be the only one he's messaged.

Give your head a shake, you live in the real world not fantasy land.

ToriTheStoryteller · 08/02/2024 06:42

Why does his reason matter? He'd probably lie anyway.
Instead, maybe ask yourself why you care and why you reply to him? Are you happy, do you have friends that you value and who value you? If so, why bother with the drama of keeping contact with him? Just ignore him and don't reply anymore.

cryinglaughing · 08/02/2024 06:50

Does your dh know the frequency of his messages? Or that you message him at all?

GreyCarpet · 08/02/2024 06:54

Rather than ask why he's messaging ask yourself why you are engaging with him?

This.

He's messaging you because he's a shitty bloke. Why are you engaging?

Ae these daily messages from him more important than your respect for your husband? He might not respect his wife but that doesn't have to dicate how you behave!

Epidote · 08/02/2024 07:03

Block him.

Plumtop11 · 08/02/2024 07:15

I would ask yourself if your DH would be upset if he n re the extent of your talking? He may message you daily but why would you reply daily and encourage the communication?

I wouldn't be happy about this if it was DH and an ex partner.

Toooldforwork · 08/02/2024 10:46

He wants a relationship with you. Emotional with become physical. Been there, done that and regret it! My advice would be to stop answering before you ruin everything.

qazxc · 08/02/2024 10:59

Block, Block, Block.
There is nor reason you need to be in touch with this man and no good can come of it.

IggOrEgg · 08/02/2024 11:02

I find it very weird that you’re entertaining this man by messaging him to such an extent. You know he pushes the boundaries by being flirty, so I can only really assume that you’re enjoying the attention.

Victoriancat · 08/02/2024 20:33

I wonder how you'd feel if your husband had been doing the same. Get over the attention element and block the creep!

Lennon80 · 08/02/2024 20:39

sounds like you dodged a bullet - if my husband was messaging an ex daily I’d divorce him. Don’t be part of that! If he wants to destroy his children’s lives that’s on him.

BMW6 · 08/02/2024 20:49

Don't feed his ego. He sounds bored and looking for a thrill.

You'd be an absolute fool to feed your ego with this shite.

Simply block without any response.

Branwells77 · 08/02/2024 20:51

Does your DH know your messaging your ex and the content of the messages? If the answer is no then your just as bad as your ex who is clearly like others have said attention seeking and trying his luck and the reason why he the frequency of his contact with you is random at times think about it when he’s not texting you he’s probably getting attention from someone else or things are good with his wife at that time to save yourself a lot of heartache I would take a step back and stop feeding his ego he’s using you to make himself feel better and jeopardising your marriage as well as his own you really don’t want to be apart of that.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/02/2024 20:54

You're so happily married that you keep in contywith your ex who sends inappropriate messages? He fancies a fuck, obviously. Why else would he be playing about like this? It is extremely disrespectful to your spouse that you are engaging with and encouraging this.

Give your head a wobble and block this idiot.

NessaSparkles0 · 08/02/2024 21:09

I think u know the answer 🤔

Grah · 08/02/2024 21:11

Depends what you want from this. If you are happy to break up yours and his marriage then you can gamble to let this carry on. It could just be friendship, but if he does want more are you ready for that? I'm in the same situation but I was the instigater of the messages at first. I'm unhappy in my situation and hope my ex is as well so know what I'm gambling with. If you do as well, no problems.

Underestimated4 · 08/02/2024 21:12

How longs he been married for or been with his partner? I know sometimes people get a bit bored in their relationships and need attention.

Why did his family come between you out of interest? Were you together low and serious or was this a kiddy relationship?

Trying to suss out the dynamics.

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