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Original poster

Ex boyfriend messaging me

52 replies

PlantMamma · 07/02/2024 23:47

Hi. So just wondering what you guys would do in a little situation I’m in.
So my ex boyfriend from 14/15 year ago has started messaging me nearly daily for the last fortnight, he’s always kept in touch sometime s not for 6 month and others just every now and again, friendly how are you, screen grabs of Facebook memories. Occasional remember this, but he can get a bit flirty to which I remind him of his wife which he protests how happy they are, anyway. Lately the messages are daily. How’s your day, doing much at the weekend… silly things to start a conversation. he’s married with kids as am I. It’s a platonic relationship but it’s nice we can have a friendship considering out break up was really hard and I dare say if it wasn’t for his family we could of lasted but I’d had enough and even he admits they played a large part of the break up. But anyway, would you guys ask him why all of a sudden he’s contacting me daily or just leave it? I don’t want to come across as ‘why are you messaging me lots lately’ when he could just be taking a general interest in what I’m up to and maybe I’m thinking too much into it but I do think it’s a bit weird

OP posts:
gemma19846 · 08/02/2024 21:19

Why are you even replying? Block him

Lolololololololxxx · 08/02/2024 21:28

Maybe ask your husband and see what he thinks about his wife keeping in contact with her ex daily?

Lolololololololxxx · 08/02/2024 21:32

How would you like it if your husbands ex kept flirting with him and he was responding to her daily?

Watchkeys · 08/02/2024 21:44

I don’t want to come across as

So, you're worried about what he thinks of you, then?

What do you want him to think of you? Why do you want him to think of you?

Spacecowboys · 08/02/2024 21:49

I thought this was going to be about an ex messaging every six months or something to check in. Which I would have said was fine, I have an ex who does this and there’s nothing sinister in it. Daily messages are inappropriate. Best to block/ ignore.

LukeDorothyEricAnnie · 08/02/2024 21:57

He is trying to use you for sex.

Indifferentchickenwings · 08/02/2024 22:32

He’s messaging you daily for one reason and you know it !
just stop if you don’t want to enter a total shitstorm

Noseybookworm · 08/02/2024 22:45

Are you replying to all of his messages? Are you enjoying the more frequent contact? Feeling a bit flattered? You're playing with fire OP and you probably know very well what he's after!

DeeCeeCherry · 08/02/2024 22:57

You don't need to ask a single thing. You've just got mentionitis - you want a thread as an outlet for you to talk about him and enjoy a whole discussion about this dickhead who is being very disrespectful to his wife. After all you can't really discuss him at home or with real life friends, can you? For your own good you'd be better off blocking this man and concentrating on your own marriage and life.

altmember · 08/02/2024 23:46

The true answer would be "because you're replying". Just ignore his messages and he'll soon lose interest.

Opentooffers · 09/02/2024 00:15

He messages you when he's having a bad day with his wife. Looks like he's having a lot of them and hit a rough patch. You are his plan B. But as other say, takes 2 to have a conversation, so why are you? I would not be happy if I was your spouse.

MariaLuna · 09/02/2024 00:20

Just tell him to fuck off out of your life and block him.

You are not his "go-to-girl" when he decides his life has turned to shit.

Pity the poor wife instead.

74Violette · 09/02/2024 07:17

You at least need to lessen the frequency of your replies. Messaging him daily is the start of an emotional affair and puts too much at risk. I'm not advising blocking him if he has been a long term good friend since your breakup but manoeuvre it back to a catch-up every few months.

Pipsickle3 · 09/02/2024 07:21

I would slow down your replies. Take a few days to respond. You don’t have to block. I would say he is attention seeking at least..

Copperoliverbear · 09/02/2024 08:05

Block him you are both married

perfectcolourfound · 09/02/2024 17:33

Why do you care what his motives are? He's an ex from many years ago.

I'm all for having friends of the opposite sex, but this isn't it. This is an old ex looking either for an ego boost or a hook-up.

If you continue to consider it 'just friends' ask yourself - have you and he both been entirely open with your respective partners about these messages? If he suggested meeting, would he be OK if you brought your DH along? Would you be OK if your DH was messaging his ex every day (or analysing what his ex wanted from him)?

Block and forget. Or risk getting hurt / made to look a fool / ruining your relationship (possibly all 3).

Hatty65 · 09/02/2024 17:44

Block. Why would you give a shit about what he thinks, or what he wants?

He's an ex and you're married. Not sure why you have any interest in his life whatsoever. You're not friends.

Diamonde · 09/02/2024 17:48

You're reminding him that's he's married - sorry, but you're also married. If you think it's inappropriate why are you entertaining it?

These posts are so ridiculous. People who secretly enjoy the attention posting here, hoping we'll agree that your ex fancies the pants off you. You're going to keep texting, aren't you?

Block.

Seaweed42 · 09/02/2024 17:54

If you like each other that much, why don't you invite him and his wife over for dinner/the weekend.... If not, then why not?

Don't get sucked in by this.
He's bored, he's playing with you and using you like a game.

He likes attention and he knows how to get attention from you.

Just cool off.
Don't respond as much.
Leave a day or two days or a week between texts.
Give one word answers or just react 'thumbs up' to his texts ages after he sends them.

Just because he texts you don't have to jump onto your phone and respond.

RandomForest · 09/02/2024 19:33

I understand the attention and ego boost feels nice but think about it from his point of view.

He thinks you are an idiot who he can call reel back in and at the same time get a boost from thinking he's got one over on your stupid husband. Do men do this ? God yes, some men love to get one over on other men.

Don't allow him to make your husband look like a muppet just because you can't resist the compliments.

He's also doing this so he can laugh behind his wife's back, there is no love for you just a conceited man who is using you to pay his wife back for trying to domesticate him, he's a dog.

DoubleDenimX · 09/02/2024 23:51

Gosh. Let’s not all jump on OP. Some of you are pretty mean .

What I take from this is you guys ARE friends, seems you’ve never truly lost touch if you say there can be contact frequently but lately it’s become more so. That’s not OPs problem nor is this person to blame. OP may just be replying because they care about the ex, which again isn’t a problem, they were a part of each other lives, seems they didn’t have a break up that left either party bitter between each other but family issues.
If OP, you’re feeling a bit uncomfortable with the frequency of the messages. As others have said cool it off a bit, give your self some space and let him deal with what ever is going on behind the scenes without you being in his head. You could ask him why he has ramped up the contact. Ask if everything is ok, something is drawing him to you, we don’t know enough details as to wether this could turn physical again or the content or level of flirtation etc.

ive been in this situation, although I’m single. My ex truly just wanted a friend, we met up a few times, nothing happened other than a shared pizza in the car and drive through Costa, he poured his heart out and him and is Mrs are happy 5 year on, still the occasional hello text and it’s honestly nothing more. Not everything is so sexually hyped

FloofyKat · 09/02/2024 23:55

Just ignore him. If he doesn’t get the message, block him.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/02/2024 23:55

DoubleDenimX · 09/02/2024 23:51

Gosh. Let’s not all jump on OP. Some of you are pretty mean .

What I take from this is you guys ARE friends, seems you’ve never truly lost touch if you say there can be contact frequently but lately it’s become more so. That’s not OPs problem nor is this person to blame. OP may just be replying because they care about the ex, which again isn’t a problem, they were a part of each other lives, seems they didn’t have a break up that left either party bitter between each other but family issues.
If OP, you’re feeling a bit uncomfortable with the frequency of the messages. As others have said cool it off a bit, give your self some space and let him deal with what ever is going on behind the scenes without you being in his head. You could ask him why he has ramped up the contact. Ask if everything is ok, something is drawing him to you, we don’t know enough details as to wether this could turn physical again or the content or level of flirtation etc.

ive been in this situation, although I’m single. My ex truly just wanted a friend, we met up a few times, nothing happened other than a shared pizza in the car and drive through Costa, he poured his heart out and him and is Mrs are happy 5 year on, still the occasional hello text and it’s honestly nothing more. Not everything is so sexually hyped

ive been in this situation, although I’m single

So you actually haven't been in this situation at all. The op is married. The contact she's having with her ex is inappropriate, totally disrespectful to her husband, and she knows it.

FairyMaclary · 09/02/2024 23:57

He’s a low quality man looking for ego kibbles. You are his chosen kibble dispenser.

Block him and crack open the champagne - his family did you a favour helping you dump him. He’s a low integrity man. You are a lucky woman.

Stop playing with fire. Block him.

DoubleDenimX · 09/02/2024 23:59

Aquamarine1029 · 09/02/2024 23:55

ive been in this situation, although I’m single

So you actually haven't been in this situation at all. The op is married. The contact she's having with her ex is inappropriate, totally disrespectful to her husband, and she knows it.

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I disagree but hey ho. Let’s be kind to each other

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