Please help, and this is ever so long.
Im new here and I popped it on another thread by mistake and it got deleted, so I now need to start all over again with it 🤦🏼♀️
I met a guy 3 months ago.
Turns out he has 2 babies. 1 at 10 months and the other at 8 months.
The 1st baby mummy allows him to see the baby.
The 2nd baby mummy didn’t know anything about the 1st and obv now does. She hasn’t allowed him to see the baby for 2.5 months (basically since he’s been seeing me)
He didn’t tell me about his 1st baby, only the 2nd. So, at Xmas I dumped him for being dishonest.
I then contacted the 8 months old baby mummy and asked her about him.
Well, she told me a lot. He cheated on her for the full time they were together, was engaged to her, they didn’t have sex since she was 11 weeks pregnant because she had a bleed and was too scared. I’m lucky I’m away from him, he took an avid interest in her 18 year old niece and became obsessed.
He has a criminal record as long as your arm that she couldn’t go into because it’s going through court and she can’t talk about it. He has been accused of sexual assault (I knew this, he told me) he’s not allowed up to her house and her and the baby are on a vulnerable persons list because he’s a danger to them both. He steals his disabled and bed bound mums money. She would never allow him to be in the same room as her baby let alone change the baby’s nappy by himself. She would rather disappear than allow him to see the baby. He constantly begs her to take him back. She said he has an only fans account that he posts himself on. He has got cctv because he has active death threats against him. He has more than 2 children. All he is is a factory worker, he’ll not do anything else, he’s actually very “thick” and can’t really understand forms etc etc. He has no money and is in debt up to his eyeballs. The list goes on.
She encouraged me to do a Claire’s law check on him (it’s different in Scotland) she said that I’d be told all of the things that’s happened, the list is huge. She encouraged me to go on a social media page outting bad guys, I did , he was on it. She told me she wasn’t on it but knew about it.
So, I asked him all of these things. He said some of them are correct but others are lies.
Namely, he did cheat on her throughout the pregnancy, they had at slept together since she was 11 weeks gone because she had a bleed. They got pregnant after 6 weeks of meeting, this was her 1st and only child as she was 42.
The police contacted me and visited and said that he does have a sexual assault accusation against him, no charges were ever made. That’s it, that’s all they told me.
In connection with his mums money, he stays with his mum rent free, they have no mortgage, it’s been paid off, the only things he pays for are his season ticket for football, his car petrol and insurance and his food at home. The mum pays out of her disability stuff for her food, utilities, sky tv etc. He then said during Covid because he doesn’t pay anything, and couldn’t go out or on holiday, he saved an awful lot.
He says he doesn’t have an only fans account, that’s lies.
I never said to him about being with the baby alone or changing its nappy because that to me alludes to something very bad.
He has cctv at his house to make sure his mum is safe when he is at work and to make sure the carers are in.
We eventually got together. She then found this out and she messaged me to say that under no circumstances was I to tell him anything about her or the baby (I wouldn’t anyway, I’m not that type of person, I’m a good person with a good heart ❤️) so she then messaged him for an hour going back and forward with who do you chose? Me or her, her or the baby, me her and the baby? Constantly. He asked me what he should say and I said the baby 100 times over and always will be the baby. She then said but I have what she’ll never have and that’s a baby with you, so why would you chose her and not us? The mother of your baby. She said to him that he had lowered his standards by dating me (she doesn’t know me) and proceeded to send him screen recording of what I had said about him, however, what she failed to record was it was actually me replying to what she had said about him! I called her out on it, she seen it and blocked me. Then went back to him and said you can say what you want now about her, I’ve blocked her 😞
He was on holiday and he asked her to see the baby on FaceTime, she said yes.
I seen a couple texts and he said on it “thanks so much for allowing me to see the baby xx” to which she replied “no problem xx” then he put a big red heart ❤️
I felt really hurt about this and said and he said he loves and respects her as the mother of his child, but that’s it’s, he’s with me and loves me.
Fast forward to when he came back his holidays and out of the blue, she said he could see the baby. I was/am so pleased for him, it’s what he’s wanted all along ❤️
They met at a park, went a walk then went for coffee. Next time they went for dinner together. (Which I’m not going to lie I find weird, because how can you bond with a baby over a dinner out?) just gone yesterday, he was up at her house, she asked him to build a cot for the baby and he did and he took a photo of the baby in the cot and the mum was standing in her dressing gown next to the cot? I said why is that, he said she wasn’t ready? So already, she’s had him up for eh house even though they are apparently on the vulnerable police list? He told me he changed her happy too?!
This is all such a head mess for me, is it me or is this becoming a bit too friendly given the very recent history? I suggested soft play and he said the mum doesn’t want to take her to soft play because she’s too young? She’s 8 months old. Am I right to be insecure? He’d do anything to see his baby, but I feel she’s being manipulative and knows he’d do anything to see her.
He suggested a meet up in a Tuesday and she suggested a Sunday too, early morning and I feel this is tactical because he needs to make sure that he is nearly in a Sunday to see the baby, whereas, she would know he’d no doubt be out with me on a Saturday and he staying over?
Am I being paranoid?
he’s told me that he lives and is with me, not her and doesn’t see her like that any more. I’m still insecure and I feel I can’t let it go and this is what is causing the arguments. He’s sick of talking about it and I’m insecure.
if you got this far, thank you, I’m at my wits end.
lx