Just need a rant tonight as it's been a stressful week. I have been seeing this guy since 2021, and it's been nearly 3 years and certain things really bug me about his hygiene and other stuff. When I first met him I was taken aback but I wanted to give him a chance. One of the main things I had an issue with was the way he lived in his flat. It was filthy, crumbs and bits all over the floor, mattress was dirty, no furniture ect. I said okay this guys been through some stuff from what he'd told me but eventually I stopped going to the flat. Eventually after a long time he fixed himself up dressed better made more of an effort, we got closer as I don't go to his anymore he comes to mine every weekend and we do have nice times and go out for meals and I do like him but then another part of me finds him utterly annoying and just different to me. It's been 3 years and he hasn't decorated his flat. The entire place needs fully refurbishing from top to bottom. I'm currently washing his clothes and cooking his food every week, as he has no washing machine no cooker his life skills are completely opposite to me. When he's on his own he will make sandwiches or get a takeaway he doesn't actually do shopping. He had a mushy wet floor in his kitchen that he left for 3 years and it seems things only get done when I nag and moan. Now I live alone with my 2 children, and he comes here every weekend, every single weekend which at times even that annoys me, once he's here I enjoy his company and we do have a laugh and he helps me a bit around the house, walks my dog, washes the pots after I've cooked a meal and helps me put away wet washing from time to time. But this weekend I snapped, obviously I live as the only adult in my home I'm constantly cleaning and cooking meals for me and the kids and him when he's here, but there's a lot more work to do in a home which I do. And I got annoyed and snapped at him this weekend basically because when he's here I notice things that wouldn't happen when he's not here. He scrapes loads of crumbs into the butter. Made a sandwhich and left a tornado of mess on the sides. Leaves the taps all slimey as he has dentures which I'm perfectly fine with but it's the mess. He smokes and left loads of burns next to my bed followed by a patch off Ash. And I'm the one constantly going around scrubbing it back out. I'm due to get a new carpet soon anyway as this one is quite old but I just feel I have to constantly nag and moan at him and I can't be bothered it's like talking to my children, I know he doesn't clean his flat like I clean my home. He never gives it a deep clean. His coat is always full off food 😩 so I said to him this weekend like how can you seriously go out the house with thst on and then I'm the one washing it for him and making sure it's dry.
Like I said he is lovely and I have seen positive changes in himself where he has tried to be better for me, but there's times I think of it all and it really makes me angry. Whenever I moan about it he doesn't see where I'm coming from he sees it as an attack. I find it embarrassing that I'm seeing someone who lives the way he lives with no sense of passion about his own living environment I think that bugs me the most. He says the most stupid things to me as well like clueless things like mentally were not always on the same level he does come across very childish at times with things he says or like he will say really dumb stupid things. I'm 33 he's 30 yet it feels he's 18. So opinionated about the world around him yet hadn't got a clue how to be independent on his own and it infuriates me so much. He would be happy to move in with me right now as it has been nearly 3 years and I'm still happy just seeing him on a weekend, I like my space and my own company and time plus Mon to Friday I'm busy with work and then coming home and sorting the kids out and cooking and cleaning then its weekend and my only actual chill time is spent with him. And even then sometimes I feel like saying I just want the weekend to myself but that would make me feel guilty 😔 in this last year I have got new furniture that I put up by myself in the living room and dining room as it needed replacing, I had new carpets and laminate fitted. I ripped up the old one and moved everything out the way all on my own and then recently decorated my bedroom. With 0 help, because I am an adult that is my responsibility to do. And I think of how he lives in his flat it gets me down tbh. And then I moaned that at the weekends he doesn't help me clean that much and he took massive offence to it and maybe I am in the wrong for expecting more help from him but I cook for him and clean wash dry put away his and all of our clothes I'm basically running the ship and I explained if I ever lived with him I see myself doing it all because I am now, I don't want that. And he doesn't understand that I like my own space and have no plans on moving home in. I've been a mother to a partner before and I know it woukd be the same in this situation. And I just feel I like my independence to much so I don't know maybe I'm being to harsh on him but I expect certain things from a man. He could offer to wash his own clothes for crying out loud. I'm just sick if feeling like I'm being the nagging mother telling him how to do things properly and then moaning at him when he doesn't do it correctly